


The Council of 31, or, The Prince of Darkness

by LeftHandMan



Series: Guardians [2]
Category: Guardians of the Elements
Genre: Gen, Guardians - Freeform, M/M, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Original Universe, i dont know how to do tags on here just fucking shoot me in the dick already
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-02-26 10:19:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 38
Words: 52,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13233651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeftHandMan/pseuds/LeftHandMan
Summary: A year after Dark Omega's failed conquest, Chaos enacts a plan to destroy the Earths, and disrupt the elemental powers of the universe, by bringing back into play the last Guardian of Sound. Meanwhile, Solomon's Guardian pupils are tasked with the protection and retrieval of other lost Guardians. Wacky hijinks ensue.





	1. Ajay- 2018 Is Still Horrible But For Completely Different Reasons

**Author's Note:**

> Because AO3 is fucky about prologues and chapter numbering, the prologue is available on Google Drive. Link below, my dudes.  
> https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RBITKKrIysnoD7x8zT4c4EkJaI36MDcDgCEbiVW55NA/edit?usp=sharing  
> Also, pay attention to the chapter titles, they indicate perspective changes, you might get a bit lost if you can't tell who's talkin' and such.

My name is Ajay Clarkeson. It was now winter of 2018, (the actual one that comes at the beginning of the year, not the one that starts in December and lasts for like a week,) and it had been about a year and a bit since I was first introduced to space magic. Yes, that's an oversimplification of it, but that's really the best way to phrase it, because the full explanation would require multiple paragraphs of text that you're probably already familiar with, and will also be explained more thoroughly in a dialogue a few paragraphs later. Wait, am I allowed to break the fourth wall like that? No? The author said I can’t break the fourth wall like that. Whoops.

Basically, Space Satan and his zombie armada fucked up shit and we space teenagers magicked it back with the help of Space Jesus, because that makes sense.

What happened after that was the most interesting bit. Left with no evidence of the event except suicides and muddied recollections, North America was dazed and confused. Britain was smacked up a little bit, too, but they're not really relevant right now. People had theorized about it for months on end, and there were even some video recordings, but it was all such insane bullshit that nobody could even properly cognize what the hell had happened. So, as a result, we became memes.

Images of the Guardians and the Halfguard were everywhere, for a while. There were even bootlegs. We tried to make ourselves known, soak up some of the glory, but Solomon did his damnedest to make sure we went unnoticed.

Lena was the hardest to hide. Solomon had her wearing a close-fitting leather jacket and glove to cover up her magic arm. It ultimately proved futile when she kept turning it into a knife and threatening teachers with it.

By the time a year had passed, we were public figures. Or something. Once people knew who we were, everyone except devout followers of news outlets had lost interest. Very little had actually happened, so why bother talking about it?

Today, I was awoken by a phone call. My hand groped about the table, trying to pick the fucking thing up. I checked the number, and I couldn't recognize it. I denied the call, and tried to get back to sleep.

It rang again. Same number. These bastards just didn't stop, did they? I answered, this time, and said into the phone, “Who the fuck's this?”

“Uh, this is the CBC,” a man replied, “we were wondering if you could, uh, if you would mind an interview with us?”

“Fuck off,” I dismissed them, and hung up.

They rang again.

“Oh, son of a bitch,” I swore, and picked up. “What now, fucknuts?”

“Please,” the guy on the other end pleaded, “shit’s just really boring over here. We need anything as remotely interesting as we can get.”

“Fine,” I agreed, “but I'm not getting out of bed for none of this. It's Saturday, and I don't want to get out of bed until Friday.”

“Thank you,” he answered, relieved. 

  
  
  


They called back an hour later to set it up. I genuinely had no idea what the hell was happening, so I just kind of went along with what they said. Finally, the interview started.

“Hello, I'm Carol Off,” the interviewer introduced herself, “I have with me here Ajay Clarkeson, a Canadian hero, who, get this, staved off an alien invasion force.” Oh, son of a bitch, here we go.

“Sounds stupid when you put it like that,” I complained into the phone, “but yes, that is me. I did the space magic.”

Carol snorted, but resumed. “So, tell me, Ajay, what was it like to- to protect, uh, your home from a force like that?”

“Crappy,” I said, bored, “couple of us died, though. That wasn't fantastic.”

“Oh, my,” she commented, “so, how did it feel to lose probably your closest friends on the field of battle?”

“Well, two of the guys that died I knew for a grand total of five days at most, so, not too horrible,” I answered, “and Ian, the other guy who died, survived it, so hey. That's kinda nifty.”

She paused, stunned. “He- he survived it, you say?”

“Yeah,” I said, “he was dead and then he wasn't. Fucker threw himself into a volcano of acid. He also got crushed by a giant a couple times, it was actually kinda funny, if I'm being honest.”

“Uh, pardon?”

“He died, multiple times, and he just walked it off. Space magic. Yeah.” This was getting better by the syllable.

A notification popped up on my phone. It was a series of messages from Ian's Tumblr.

“SRAFADAFSF WHAT THE FUCK DUDE”

“SHIT”

“FUCK”

“MY PARENTS ARE LISTENING TO TGIS”

“dude chill” I messaged him back.

“YOU JUST TOLD EVERYONE”

“ON P U B L I C R A D I O”

“THAT I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF”

“not now boyfriend” I told him.

“hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh u better give me something for my troubles boi”

“gimme a minute bruh” I said, and resumed the interview. A final message came in, and said “hey uh maybe avoid the death parts for now that was not fun k thx bye”

“Sorry, uh, distracted for a moment there,” I informed Carol, “my boyfriend is being an ass.”

“FJUCK UYO” Ian messaged me.

“Your boyfriend, you say?” she asked, “How- how long have you two been together?”

“Since he fell into a volcano,” I answered honestly. “I also grew wings to save him.”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

“Are- this is real? Are you being completely honest?” Carol asked.

“Yep,” I replied, “we also killed space Satan by knocking rocks off of him with our magic powers.”

Carol was stunned. “Um, uh, okay,” she fumbled, “so, so what were your teammates like? Did they have p- powers, too?”

“Uh, yeah,” I said, “one of them lost an arm but replaced it with a magic sword. Also, our teacher is immortal.”

“AJAY SHTULP UP” Ian shout-typed at me. “SHOOSH” “SHUTR YOUR FUKC”

“Well, uh,” Carol said, thoroughly baffled at what the hell I had just said, “that's- that's all the time we have for today, uh, thank you, Ajay.”

“Can I leave now?” I asked, finally.

“Uh, sure,” Carol said, “I'm Carol Off, and this is A-”

I hung up before she could finish. That was exhausting. Then, another call came in. It was from my teacher, Mr Solomon. You know, the immortal one.

I picked up. “Yo.”

“Ajay,” he said to me, “we need to have a talk.”

“send nudes” Ian prompted me.

This was going to be even more stupid than before, I could just tell.


	2. Ajay- No Rest for the Wicked

Solomon told me very sternly that I was never to open my mouth about the Guardians again. After all, the first rule of Guardians is that you don't talk about Guardians, or at least that's what Solomon had decided. 

In lieu of nudes, I elected to take Ian out to the mall. Neither of us had the great swathes of money required to purchase anything, but it was fun to just fuck about, either way.

He pulled me by the hand, frantically scanning the store windows. “Oh, I wish I had money,” he said, pouring over the contents of a GameStop display.

I turned my gaze to the back of the store, where I spied a metal plate. It felt as if it were calling to me. I stepped into the store, and wandered over to the plaque. The boorish roar of the radio dulled my senses, as I examined the brass plate.

“In loving memory of Gordon Walker, a friend we wish we had not been forced to live without.”

I frowned at this memorial. Ian came up behind me. “Hey, what're you- oh…” He read the plaque, too, and it sapped him of his excitement.

“Did you guys know Gordon?” a salesperson asked.

“Yeah,” I said sadly, “not for long, though.”

“Hmm,” the salesperson said, “he worked here for a couple years. When we heard he died, we were all crushed. The manager decided he deserved this. I say he should've gotten more.”

“Definitely,” Ian said, stroking the plaque, “I should know.”

The salesperson picked up on this. “Were you there?”

“Yeah,” I answered for him, “Gordon… Gordon died trying to save his life.”

“A fools errand,” Ian said under his breath, very audibly getting choked up.

“Don't stress yourself out about it,” the salesperson recommended, “it's not your fault. Whatever bastard killed him had his sights set on you first, is all.”

Ian sighed sadly. He picked up a boxed figure, and put it on the counter. “I think I'll just get this, thanks.”

The salesperson scanned the item, processed the purchase, and we left the store.

“Well, that was depressing,” I said.

“No kidding,” he agreed, “sometimes I wish I could've stayed dead.”

“Hey, don't say that, man,” I said, looking up into his big, sad eyes, “you were definitely worth it.” I kissed him on the cheek to prove my point.

“Thanks,” he said, smiling slightly, “hey, uh, are there any stores you want anything from?”

“I might need some new clothes,” I told him, “everything I sleep in gets a little scorched.”

He held in a laugh, and said, “I think I know why that is.”

Not again. “Why is it, moron?”

He grinned, getting ready to deliver the cheesiest pun yet. “Because you're so hot.”

I clapped sarcastically for him. “Great, great, real fuckin’ original, numbnuts. Yeah, we got ourselves Robin Williams version two-point-fuckin’-oh over here.”

“Yes, yes I am a god, indeed,” he said, making exaggerated hand movements, and putting on a foppish accent, “I am the king of joke! Bow down before me!”

I was laughing with him, too, when I heard some tiny whisper in my ear. “Watch yourself, Guardian,” it said. I spun around, reaching for my guardstaff, but nothing was there.

“Woah,” Ian said, back to his normal voice, “everything okay, man?”

I leveled out. “Yeah, just, just thought I heard something.”

“Eh, it's a mall,” he argued, “malls are full of disorienting shit. Come on, let's find you something to wear.”

  
  
  


“How about this?” I asked Ian, holding up a pair of black sweatpants.

He looked at them quizzically. “Do you plan on wearing them with something else? Or are you just gonna sleep in those?”

“Depends,” I answered.

“Depends on what?” he asked.

“Depends on the company,” I finished tauntingly.

He raised an eyebrow. “Well, if the company wants you to have a shirt on,” he pulled out a t-shirt with flames emblazoned upon it, “maybe wear this.”

“No, no, no,” I said, “not even for jokes, that thing looks hideous.”

“It looks beautiful,” he said, smiling broadly.

“Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I'm going blind just looking at that thing.” I turned away, and continued to search for a shirt. Ian draped the flame shirt over my back, and I tossed it back at him.

Again, something strange happened. This time, I was shoved. I fell to the floor, but, once I had fallen, saw nobody that could have pushed me.

This was getting fucking weird. “Come on,” I told Ian, “I think we need to go.”

He put down a gaudy shirt that he was holding. “Why? We just-”

“I said we need to go,” I repeated, more urgently now.

“What's wrong man?”

“I don't know, we just have to-” I was interrupted by a blow to the spine. “AAH!” I cried out in pain, collapsing onto a rack of pants. I looked back, and this time, something was indeed there.

A humanoid figure, covered in dark blue Guardian armour, with striking orange eyes. A devilish tail fell from the spine, and it was built like wireframe; delicate and skeletal.

I reached for my guardstaff, but it struck my hand away with its tail. “Don't try it, hero,” it said to me, in an angry, deep voice, “just sit there and take it.” Clouds of vapour formed around its arms, ready to strike. In an act of reckless disregard, I stuck out my hands, and fire spewed from the end. The armoured figure squealed in pain, and vanished. Shoppers and employees alike were fleeing in fear, and one of them even pulled the fire alarm.

Ian came over to me, helping me up. “What the hell was that?”

“How the hell should I know?!” I exclaimed. I soaked the fire back up, but the figure appeared again. 

It held Ian by the throat, and threatened, “Make any sudden moves, and I kill him!”

“Really? Really?” Ian complained, “Buddy, I hate to break it to you, but that's- that's not gonna work.”

I brought up my gladius, and swiped at the thing. It disappeared, and reappeared at my side. It struck me down, but I summoned a mace, and swung at it. It vanished, then returned to kick me down, dissolving and reconstituting rapidly to land hits on me.

“Help me!” I shouted at Ian. He fumbled with his guardstaff, but it was knocked out of his hands by the invisible foe. 

“Shit! Fuck, uh,” he stuttered, then, in a stroke of luck, punched the air, and it collided with the thing’s neck. It fell over, visible at last. Too visible. As in landed on my face and blocked my view visible.

“What is it with you and shoving things on top of me?” I asked, pushing the unconscious thing off of me.

“I have no idea,” he said, scratching his head, “probably something Freudian.”

The armour peeled off of the thing, and a frail, human body was revealed. His cheeks were sallow, and his limbs lacking musculature. His clothes were ragged, and were far too big for his body. He was alive, but horribly unhealthy-looking. “Who the hell are you?” I asked him, not expecting an answer.

Then, he began to shudder. His forehead began to glow, and what looked like a Guardian's Stone emerged. My hand reached out to grasp it, but as I touched it, the Stone shattered like ice.

“Looks like this guy's got some bootleg space magic,” Ian remarked.

“I can see that,” I said, standing up to observe the limp figure. His eyes opened slightly, and he hissed out a phrase, barely audible.

“Chaos… is… coming…”

“Should we call Solomon?” Ian asked. 

“Good idea,” I replied, pulling out my phone. My hands slipped on the screen, and I noticed steam was building up on my body. “Shit,” I swore, “can you do it? I'm getting steamy and shit.”

“Sure,” he said, taking the phone. “Yeah, Solomon? Yeah, uh, we got a space anorexic over here, you might wanna-”

The sounds of fire engines broke through the monotony of the sprinklers. “I think it's time to haul ass,” I recommended.

“Good idea,” he agreed, taking the unconscious guy by the feet. “Let's go, my dude.”

  
  
  


“Where did you find him?” Solomon asked.

“At the mall,” Ian answered honestly, “he just kind of came up and started punching Ajay in the everything.”

“I noticed,” I groaned, nursing my bruises. 

“Well, I'm glad you brought him to me,” Solomon said, examining the limp body, “I'm afraid this could be the sign of something bigger, or something worse.”

He held up the shards of the Stone. “This Stone appears to have had the capabilities of an elemental Stone of Deception, but it is far more fragile. Stones are normally indestructible, but this shattered when even held. As well, it has some… curious attributes. I sense some basic mind control abilities embedded in it, and… elemental Sound?”

“You're going to have to fill us in on all of these elements, eventually,” I said, “because you seem to just pull these out of your ass whenever you feel like it.”

“I'm working on, it alright?” he snapped, “If I'm going to explain the elements, I first need to explain the origins of the universe, the creation of the first Guardians, the-”

“Just tell us about the sound thing, please,” I complained, “I can't deal with life-changing information right now.”

“Alright, fine,” he huffed, “but you had better appreciate it.”


	3. Solomon- A Brief History of the Universe

“Millions of years ago, not long after the first humans had properly evolved, there was a rebellion in the Core worlds. The ruler of the planet of Sound, Allegrus, was dissatisfied with the rule of Alpha, much like Dark Omega had been.

“Instead of attacking Alpha where they stood, Allegrus instead declared war on the other worlds. He assembled his Guardian brethren, and first attacked the world of Light. When a Guardian failed Allegrus, the cruel leader slaughtered them, and took their Stone for himself.

“This tactic of Stone-thieving had earned him a reputation on his homeworld. He had intended it to instill fear, but he became known for being unstable. His people rebelled against him in turn, but their weapons were not enough. He destroyed them, and their planet, with a soundwave that shattered the entire world, and brought about the genocide of his own race. Allegrus was killed, and his Stones left close to breaking.

“But, there remained a few of them left. A few small off-world families, whose members were deemed Guardians by the Stones, carried on their race for a few generations, but were ultimately left genetically sparse. So, the last child to be born was gifted an element Stone of Sound, so that the element would not be lost forever.

“This child was safely hidden away, locked in a stasis canister, and sent away to the far reaches of the universe. I do not know what happened to the canister since last I saw it, but Chaos may be using the child's powers to his advantage. Worse, he may have found a way to change the elements of the Sound Stones.”

“Wow,” Ajay said, impertinent as always, “that sure was needless exposition.”

I glared at him. “It was  _ not _ needless, thank you very much. Besides, you asked. I will look further into this, but I would recommend you two to… go back to doing whatever it was you were doing.”

Ian leaned up against Ajay, a jestful grin upon his face. “I know what the hell I was doing.”

“Too much,” Ajay said, pushing him back.

“Yes,” I said, some disdain for their nonsensical nature creeping into my voice, “well, as I will be tending to this poor fellow, I recommend that you make contact with the other Guardians, they might want to hear about this.”

“Alrighty then,” Ian said cheerfully, “come on, space boyfriend, we need to watch Last Jedi again.”

Ajay mouthed the words “Help me!” as Ian pulled him out of the room. I chuckled a small bit, and began to check the vitals of the unconscious Deceptive before me.

“What happened to you, child?” I asked him. I checked the wrists for a pulse. It was slow, and somewhat irregular, but it was there, for certain. I quickly scanned his body, and determined he was quite obviously malnourished, and decided to prepare some food for him. 

I scuttled out to the kitchen, and quickly prepared a meal. Salmon terrine, salad with quinoa, and yogurt. It might not have been the healthiest thing, but I'll be damned if it wasn't close. I also prepared a nutrient blend, more commonly called a “smoothie”, (a horrendous name, if you ask me,) in case he was desperate.

I heard him rustling where he lay, and quickly yet carefully brought the food with me.

“What is it, child?” I asked him.

“You're going to lose,” he said, smiling, “Chaos has already beaten you.”

“What makes you say that?” I asked, trying to squeeze information out of him before he inevitably fell unconscious again.

“Because I had to tell you about it,” he said slyly, grinning.

“What does he have planned?” I asked, more anxiously, now.

“Downfall,” he said, “the downfall of every Earth.”

“How? How is he going to do it?” I demanded, holding him by the shoulders.

His hand shot up to meet me. “The child. The one you failed to keep safe.”

My head reeled. “What? What do you mean?”

“You know exactly what I mean,” he taunted me, “or you should. Or have you killed just that many?”

I took personal offense to this. “TELL ME!”

He cackled knowingly, chanting, “Chaos is upon us, Chaos is upon us, Chaos is upon us! Ahahaha!” He began to choke, and his breathing stopped.

“Dammit!” I cursed. I threw the food to the floor, and stamped on the remains. “Damn! Damn, damn, damn!”

I sat down against the table, and a few tears cascaded down my cheeks. “Shit…”

The worst part was, I truly had to ask myself- which failure of mine was this?

  
  
  


I decided to ask Alpha. Even if they did not know everything, they came pretty damn close. I boarded my saucer shuttle, and sped away to the core. 

Millions of light-years away, the destiny drive, a heavily limited variant of the destiny engine, brought me past the speed of light, so that I made the trip in only a few short hours. Even though I certainly had time enough to question myself, the question still weighed upon me. Was this truly my fault?

The shuttle slowed to a halt. I had arrived at Alpha's domicile. I entered the stark, white room, and knelt before the ancient being.

“Alpha,” I greeted them, “I am in need of your guidance.”

Alpha stood up from their throne, their beautiful, iridescent cape shimmering in the light. “What is it, my friend?” Their tone sounded more grave than usual.

“Alpha, I have been burdened with a question,” I told them, “a question that I hope you can answer.”

“Then tell me,” they said, “and I will see what I can do.”

“A Guardian, or a pretender, at least, arrived on my Earth,” I informed them, “and told me that… that Chaos was going to do… something. They didn't give me a straight answer, suffice it to say. He said that Chaos had already beaten me, that by not knowing where I had failed, I continued to fail. What do you make of this, my liege?”

“I think,” Alpha said, “that Chaos is doing his best to make you feel unsure of yourself. If he is being destructive, as he always is, then it was by his own design, not yours.”

“Yes, but what if it is my fault?” I questioned them. “The pretender said it was because I failed to save someone. But I am afraid, because I have failed to save too many.”

“Solomon,” they replied, “whatever has happened, I know that you have done all that you could have, and the best that you could have. Trust me, friend.”

“But do you know the meaning of the threat?” I asked, “Who have I failed?”

Alpha closed their eyes for a brief moment, and answered, “A boy, and a girl. That is all I can see.”

My head felt like it was split down the middle. Now, I realized who I had failed. “Thank you, my master.”

“It is no problem, Solomon,” they replied, “but, there may be something else that is.”

I was intrigued by this. “What is it, my liege?”

“Something… something outside of my reach,” they mused, “a realm that I can feel, but not touch. A dimension, made through a single choice, blocked from my sight. I am afraid that we must gather the Council again.”

I was somewhat startled by this revelation. “But… but the Council can't be formed, we- we need at least one Guardian of every element, they're all scattered, and- and Sound is-”

“He can be redeemed,” Alpha said, “he already wants to be. He is disillusioned with Chaos’ madness. All you need to do is make sure he knows what he wants to do.”

“Uh, master,” I questioned them, “he? Are you talking about Chaos, or is there a thir-”

“Xander,” Alpha answered, “his name is Xander. The last child of Sound.”

“Oh really?” I remarked, thoroughly intrigued, “I would have never pinned them down in that way.”

Alpha chuckled. “If you had known then better, I'm sure you would have. Before you go, I have to ask something of you.”

“What is it, my liege?”

“The people of Shadow have had quite a rough go of it,” they replied, “I would like you to take a Guardian of Shadow with you, when you return. Find something for her to save, their people could use someone better to represent themselves.”

“As you wish, Alpha,” I said, bowing, “there is one you have in mind, yes?”

“Yes,” they said, smiling, “her name is Drannis.”


	4. Alex- Always With This Shit

“Alex? Alex where are you?” Ian was calling me on my phone.

“Gym,” I answered through my earpiece, “little busy!” I was currently supporting a 110 pound weight over my head. Not too hard for me, but enough that it would make a dent, should I fail to keep it up.

“Just wanted to tell you some space shit is going down,” he informed me.

“Ugh, really? Again?” I groaned, out of both exasperation and muscular strain, “Do we really need to deal with it ourselves?”

“Well, if my numbers are good,” he answered, “chances are Solomon's gone to space to do a thing.”

“Is it- agh!” The weight was wearing me down. “Is it anything immediate?”

“No, not yet,” he said, “but just thought I should update you.”

“Okay,” I replied, “just call me if your head gets blown off, or something!”

“Sure,” he said, without a hint of sarcasm, “call you later.”

The implication of that knocked the wind out of me, and I tossed the weight down, and it crashed through the floor. “Shit.”

I heard some screams from the level below me. “Sorry!” I called. Water was spewing from broken pipes, now. Balls to it, I thought, and summoned some rocks from nowhere to fill in the hole. I'll pay for repairs later.

I noticed someone, sitting in the corner, dressed in a dark blue sweater and loose sweatpants. Their face was hidden from view by the hood, and I asked them, “Hey, uh, you didn't see that, did you?”

No response. They barely even moved. I walked a bit closer.

“You alright, man?” I asked. They stood up, quickly and forcefully. They moved with purpose and intent, as if something had shocked them into standing up. They stuck out a hand, seeming as though they wanted me to step off. 

“Okay, man, chill,” I told them, “I'm just wondering what you're here for. You didn't seem to be doing anything, I was thinkin’ you might've been-”

A lightning bolt shot out from the palm of their hand, striking me quick and fast in the shoulder. 

“AH!” I exclaimed, as electric pain shot through my body. Retaliating as quickly as possible, my brown Guardian armour slid over my body, and the pain quickly eased.

“Okay, buddy,” I said, standing up, “maybe you haven't heard-” I swung a punch, and they went flying, and crumpled against the wall. “- but I've been working out.”

They shot back up, limbs snapping back into place. Their hood had fallen off, and their head became visible. They were wearing medium blue Guardian armour, and striking orange eyes stared me down. They whipped me with lightning from both hands, but I created a stone barrier to hold the whips off.

“Not very chatty, are you?” I remarked, “Maybe the two of us should have a heart to heart!” I flung one of the rocks at them, and they snapped out of the way, barely moving a muscle. I threw the other, and they caught it in hand, shocking it to pieces.

“We're really not going to get anywhere with this, are we?” I asked. “How about I punch you the head, and we both walk away with some semblance of dignity. Sound good to you?”

Denying any chance for loss, they threw themselves out the window. I exclaimed in laughter, before realizing they could be dead on the ground out there. I rushed to see if they had landed, but, when I looked down, nothing was there. They had vanished without a trace.

“Well, shit,” I said, “there goes that one.”

Ian called. “What happened? I heard a crash!” he said.

“Some space asshole came in and tried to zap my ass,” I answered, “you were ri- Hey, how did you hear the crash?”

I could practically hear him freeze up. “Super hearing. It’s a Reality thing.”

I cocked an eyebrow. Evidently, he heard me. “I was just… hanging.”

“You came to stare at the guys downstairs,” I accused him, “didn’t you?”

“... Possibly,” he answered. I could hear his muscles resisting him.

“Don’t you think Ajay would mind?” I corrected him.

“... Possibly,” he answered again. “Please don’t tell him,” he pleaded, “he’s very restrictive about these kinds of things.”

“He’s your boyfriend,” I said, going down the stairs, “and you’re his. Maybe don’t stare at other guys?”

“Do you honestly expect me to have any restraint in terms of anything at all ever?”

“ _ Ian _ ,” I reiterated sternly, “he risked his life for you. Don't you think he deserves a little respect?”

“ _ Fiiine _ ,” he agreed, “now, since I’m here, do you wanna go do something?”

“I need to pay for damages first,” I told him, “but afterwards, yeah.”

“Okay,” he said, “you go do proper adulty things.”

“Where are you going to be?” I asked him.

“Probably at school,” he answered, “Solomon's out, so I wanna see if I can figure out how to fuck with his shit.”

I chuckled a little. “Okay, you do that, I will do adulty things.”

He waved goodbye, and I went in to pay for the damages.

  
  
  


I met Ian in the library. He was trying out different books, seeing which one of them would open the door. “What do you wanna get down there for?”

“I wanted to see- ack!” A book fell on his head. “I wanted to see if he had hidden any more space tech down there.”

“Don't poke at your Christmas presents, man,” I suggested, “besides, he probably keeps the best stuff in his office.”

“You think so?” he asked.

“Definitely,” I said, raising an eyebrow. He grinned with anticipation, and shot off to Solomon's office. I followed after him, a little slower, and by the time I got there, he was already in a pile of disorganized papers.

“Are you sure you wanna be pulling out all these papers?” I asked, “If they get fucked up at all, Solomon's going to tear your Stone from your head.”

“I got this,” he said, not even looking up, “watch.” He stroked the papers in a very strange and particular way, and they all went flying back into place. “No matter how unlikely,” he said, holding up a USB stick, “anything is possible.” He got up, and inserted the flash drive into Solomon's computer. He pressed buttons, seemingly at random, and unlocked it. “Bada bing, bada boom.”

“We probably shouldn't be doing this,” I urged, coming around behind him, “but hell if I don't want to know.” 

“You and me both, sister,” he said, pulling up the file explorer. “Got a few picture files, seem like they're probably from his religion class, and some word docs. Any idea which one?”

I scanned the documents, especially their file sizes, and noticed a big,  _ big _ irregularity in the size of one.

“What’s- whats ‘YB’?” I asked Ian.

“Hm?” he noted. He stared at the irregular file, and his eyes went wider than I thought they could’ve. “Holy fucking shit, dude.”

“What is it?” I asked again.

“That’s 783 yottabytes,” he said, breathing heavily, “that’s like, hundreds of times the sum of all human knowledge!”

“Should… should we open it?” I posited.

“No, you should not!” Solomon stepped into the room, and ripped the USB out of the drive. “Honestly, I don’t know why I leave you children alone. I go away for five hours, and you two idiots dig up unknowable amounts of information! Honestly!”

“Sorry,” I apologized, “it- it was my idea.”

“No,” Ian fessed up, “it was me.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t stop you,” I interjected, “I was just as b-”

“Oh, stop that,” Solomon inserted, “really, you’re both horribly undisciplined. Ian, it’s entirely your fault, Alex, admirable though your intentions may have been, you still disseminated false information, and aided and abetted a criminal.”

“Okay, man, chill,” Ian said defensively.

Solomon sighed, and leaned against the table. “I'm sorry, it's just- I'm very tired. I've been told some troubling news, and I'm not sure what to do with it.”

“What is it, teach?” I asked him.

“Alpha has informed me,” he began, “that there is another threat, massing in the far reaches of dimensional space. They cannot discern what it is, but I fear the worst. As well, the have informed me that- that it has something to do with a personal failing of mine.”

“That's rough, buddy,” I comforted him, “is there anything we can do about it?”

“Yes, in fact,” he perked up a little bit, “there is. We need to gather more Guardians. Not just your friends-”

“Teammates,” Ian corrected him, “I would not count Lena and/or Nick as friends. At all. Even remotely.”

“ _ Teammates, _ then,” Solomon adjusted, “Not just them, but others. Do remember what I told you about the Council of 31?”

“Vaguely,” Ian said, “I was kind of in the middle of a severe depressive episode, and might have been phasing in and out of reality somewhat randomly, but I remember the name.”

Solomon rolled his eyes. “Alex? Help me out here, please?”

“It's a collection of one Guardian from each element, yeah?” I said tentatively, “You said they could bring people back to life, right?”

“Yes,” he confirmed, “but there's more to it than that. The Council of 31 can be used to perform other miracles. Including, but not limited to, creating dimensional linkages, allowing travel between universes. The Destiny Engines can only do so much, they are confined to their singular plane of reality, but the combined usage of all of the elements allows for the temporary breakage of dimensional limitations, which-”

“I think that's enough for now,” Ian said, holding his head in his hands, “there's only so much exposition I can take. Can we get a TL;DR, please?”

“A teal what now?” Solomon inquired.

“Space bad, bring guys to make hole in space, then punch space in testicles,” I summarized, “how's that?”

Solomon held his head in his hands, now. “I… suppose that captures the general spirit of what I was trying to say?”

“Anything else?” Ian asked.

“Yes,” Solomon said, “there's someone I would like you to meet. Drannis, come in.”

A black-haired girl stepped in, with slight features, and a large smile on her face. Her dark green eyes gazed at us with glee. Her outfit was a bit strange, at least that's what I thought of it. It was some sort of a tabbard or tunic, in all black, with some silvery-grey highlights. She extended her hand, and introduced herself. “H-hi, I'm Drannis.”

My own hand shot out very quickly to meet her. “Hi Alex I'm Drannis!” I fumbled. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. I tried to cover it up with a smile, but that just made it more awkward.

“Uh, okay,” she said quietly, “is- is this usually how Earth people introduce themselves?”

“Nope,” Ian inserted, “she's just kinda, y'know, like that.” I glared at him in return.

“Alpha requested that I employ her services,” Solomon explained, “and I remembered that there was… somewhat of a gap in your team.” He looked concerned about that last one. “Nevertheless,” he resumed, smiling, “I think she would easily be a good addition to your group. I must be going, and so must you, but, Alex?

“Yep?” I said.

“You might have some inconspicuous garments for her to wear,” he said, “maybe you could offer her some amenities. Being an immaterial, immortal construct, I have neglected to keep any actual clothing on my person.”

Ian snickered. 

“Yes, I know, shut up,” Solomon complained. “Anyways, if you could do that, I would be most appreciative.”

“Sure thing, teach,” I agreed, taking Drannis by the hand, “this little lady and I have things to do!”

“That sounds kind of weird,” Ian remarked.

“Shut up, it's cute,” I chided him out of the side of my mouth.


	5. Alex- Alison Bechdel Would Be Proud (or ashamed, one of those.)

Drannis and I walked home by ourselves, and she marvelled in the strangeness of Earth. The cold winter rain wetted her face, as she smiled upwards at the clouds. The combination of her awedness of this new planet and her tunic earned her a lot of sideways glances.

“This place is so cool!” she praised, “it's nothing like my home planet!”

“What's your home planet like?” I asked, as I attempted to shield my face from the rain with my arm.

“It's really dreary,” she explained, “there are always clouds overhead, and we can never see Alpha's sun behind them, we can barely tell day from night!”

“Yeah, well, it's usually the same here,” I said, half-jokingly, “especially at this time of year.”

“No, this is so much brighter,” she said, in awe of the gloomy greyness of Nova Scotia, “seriously! How is this dark to you?”

I chuckled alongside her. “So, what planet are you from, anyways?”

“The Planet of Shadow,” she explained, “I visited Fire and Lightning before, but I never enjoyed those places. Fire was way too hot, and Lightning was just… scary, I was always afraid a lightning bolt would snap me in half.”

“So, you're a Shadow Guardian, yeah?” I asked, “Can't say I have a lot of good experiences with… uh… you guys.” Yeah, that was good way to word it. Good going, Alex! You totally didn't fuck up!

“Yeah,” she said sadly, “Ombracion was a dick to us, too.”

“Ombracion?” I inquired.

“Yeah, the guy who killed us all, and came insanely close to conquering the universe, that guy. You guys killed him, right?”

“Yeah,” I replied, “I only ever knew him as Dark Omega. Did he make up that name?”

“I don't know, man,” Drannis admitted, “but he was kind of fuckin’ weird to begin with. I don't know how he got into office, anyways. I think he was like, a cultist, or something.”

“Into office?”

“Yeah,” she said, “he was the ruler of our planet. Everyone called bullshit on his election, but he pretty much did nothing, until he straight up murdered everyone, of course. He was just kind of there.”

“Huh,” I remarked, “did you ever hear anything about his daughter?”

“I don't think he ever had any kids,” she said, “he had a stillbirth kid, and there was this big scandal about him fucking up his wife, but I never heard about a kid.”

“Hmm,” I mused, “that's kinda weird. When we fought him, his daughter, Xaneeta, was always on the front lines.”

She froze very briefly.

“What's up?” I asked.

“Nothing, just, that's kind of an… uncommon name,” she said, “how close are we to you place?”

“Another five minutes,” I said, “if the weather gods don’t decide to smite us.”

Drannis snickered. “Do you believe in those?”

I laughed with her, “Nah, man. If I did, I would make more of an effort to appease them.”

She laughed again, and we continued on our way.

  
  
  


Drannis searched through my closet, pawing at shirts on hangers. “Earth clothing is weird,” she noticed, “do all… Earthians dress like you?”

I chuckled to myself. “Ah, not quite. I'm sort of an outlier, if I do say so myself.”

She knelt down, and shifted through a pile of pants. She held up my only pair of jeans, and asked, “Are these normal Earth clothes?”

“I think,” I said, “my mom got them for me, but, because of, uh, reasons, I don't really wear 'em. They're a bit too tight for my purposes.”

“Could I have them, then?” she asked.

“Go right ahead,” I answered, “but you might want to look for some other clothes. Underwear is required of women by social convention. And shirts. And bras. And a lot of other things, but that seems irrelevant for the time being.”

She shuffled around through the pile, and pulled out a pair of boxers. “Is this socially acceptable?”

“More or less,” I replied, “people get weird about the clothes you wear that nobody sees to begin with.”

She rummaged through the pile again, and pulled out something I had forgotten I had put there. “What's this?” she asked, holding up a rubbery cylinder.

“THAaAt-” I said, frantically swiping it away, and shoving it into my cabinet, “- is none of your business!”

“What was-” she began, but I cut her off.

“Absolutely nothing,” I said, blushing, “let's just forget it was ever there, okay?”

“O-okay,” she said, unsettled. “Um, also, what's a bra?”

“Entirely unnecessary,” I answered, “but, again, social convention.”

“But what's it do?” she asked again.

“It covers your boobs, and whatnot,” I elaborated, awkwardly mimicking the motion with my hands, “it's really only helpful when they’re big enough to be a target.”

“A target how?”

“Let's not talk about this,” I said anxiously, picking my smallest bra from the floor, “try this, and, uh-” I picked my most modest black shirt, and handed it to her. “- this.”

She took the pile of clothes in her arms, and decided to put them back down. Then, she started to pull her tunic up.

“Woah, hey, hey!” I stammered, shielding my eyes, “Maybe you wanna do that somewhere else?”

“Why?” she inquired, “We’re both girls, yeah? Are Earthians not comfortable with things like this?”

I laughed nervously. “It's uh, it's a little more complicated than that. Oh boy…”

“Okay, then,” she said, perpetually confused, “where should I change, then? Do you have a bathroom?”

“Yeah, just down the hall,” I said, pointing in the general direction.

She nodded politely, and left the room. She came back a minute later, in clothes that seemed far too big for her figure. “Does this look okay?” The shoulders on the shirt were drooping, and the pants were dragging on the floor.

“Euw,” I said, dismayed, “maybe Lena has clothes that would be better fitting for you. I'll give her a call.” I pulled out my cellphone, and selected her contact, indicated by a picture of her screaming, and running blurrily towards the camera. It rang for a moment, and then she answered. “You might want to cover your ears,” I warned Drannis.

Lena answered the phone with an ear-splitting scream. “ _ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” _

“Hey, Lena,” I answered, “are you busy?”

“I just  _ FUCKING KILLED A MAN! _ ”

“Oh, not again,” I complained, “come on, let's go get her.”

“Waitwaitwait,  _ again?”  _ Drannis demanded.

“Let's not,” I dismissed her, leaving the house, “or else we'll be here all day.”

“Uh, o-okay,” she stuttered, “that's fine.”

“Good, now, do you have a sword, and/or gun?”

  
  
  


We met up with Lena in a police station. She was being there, because, of course, she had killed a man.

“You here for her?” the officer asked.

“Yep,” I answered, “unfortunately.”

“Say,” he said, “ain't you one a thems Guard kids?”

“Guardians,” I corrected him, “but yes.”

“You must be crazier than I thought,” he remarked, “you get five minutes, kid. Then, she's ours.”

“That should be long enough,” I replied. I walked back with him to the cell where they were holding Lena. She was sitting in the back, angrily stomping her feet.

“Lena, it's me,” I said firmly, as the officer let me in, “I just want to know what happened. Who did you kill?”

“Some purple fucker,” she spat, “I dunno, he came up to me and grabbed my arm, so I stabbed him with it. Then I cut his head off. Then I speared him through the-”

“That's enough,” I calmed her, “when you say purple fucker, you don't mean Ian, do you?”

“Fuck, I wish,” she said, “it was some jackass in purple armour, he was blinkin’ around all stupid like, shitass motherfucker. It pissed me off.”

“Where were you when he came up to you?” I asked calmly.

“Home,” she answered, a withheld rage building more and more in her voice, “plum-lookin’ shithead guessed the code and broke in, so I  _ FUCKING MURDERED HIM, HOLY SHIT!”  _ She rushed at me, and I struck her in the face before she could even get to me. Her arm flickered out, and she went unconscious.

The policeman stared at us, confused and afraid. “The hell was-”

“Yeah, sorry,” I apologized for the both of us, “she gets a little… cranky, sometimes.”

“That's one hell of an understatement,” he said, adjusting his cap.

“Can I see the body?” I asked.

“Not under normal circumstances,” he posited, “but given that you and your friend could very easily kill me where I stand, regardless of any protection I may have, I think that would be alright.”

“Thanks,” I said, shaking his hand from behind the bars, “uh, can I ask one more question?”

“Sure thing, kid,” he said.

“Do you have any clothes my friend could wear?” I asked, “She's kind of from space.”

He rubbed his head. “I need a different job.”

  
  
  


The officer took me back to look at the body. Sure enough, it was wearing Guardian armour, which had become cracked and fused to his skin. His skin was dark, whether it was that way to begin with, or it was something postmortal, I couldn’t tell, but it sure as hell wasn’t a natural dark. 

Several stab wounds were visible, and he was certainly badly beaten. His eyes were covered with orange lenses, like the thing I had fought before, but his own dead irises had been replaced with orange ones.

“Anyone you know?” he asked.

“I don’t think so,” I said, still looking it over, “have you done any autopsy work on him, yet?”

“No,” he said, “but we were gonna, once crazy lady back there quit beatin’ the hell out of us. Why’d ya ask?”

“Because armour like this usually doesn’t stick if the wearer is unconscious,” I told him, “and I think being dead kinda counts as unconscious.”

The body shifted, and sat up. “Well, you can’t blame a guy for trying.” He flashed me a cheeky smile, and lunged out at me. Very quickly, I brought up my guardstaff and sliced him in half.

The halves fell to the floor, and the armour fell off for real this time.

“Well,” I said, “that clears things up.”

The officer shifted nervously, too. “Yeah, that, uh, sure happened. You, uh, might need to sign something.”

I sighed. “That seems reasonable.”


	6. Interlude- From Chaos With Love

Things were moving as usual in the Kremlin. President Putin was speaking with his cabinet, laughing to themselves about the instability of the Europeans and the Americans. He may or may not have helped their president into office, but anyone could see how foolish that clown faced man was.

“And- and then,” one of the ministers said in Russian, “he just fucking dumped the fish food in! Just fucking WHOMP! Can you believe it?!”

The others exploded in raucous laughter, while the president smiled and chuckled politely. “Very nice, Crycek,” he said quietly, “but that was months ago. Please tell me there's more where that came from.”

“Well, well one time, he-” minister Crycek began, when he was subtly interrupted by a black shape appearing on the ceiling. “Eh, guys? Please tell me that's one of you doing that?”

The shape grew, and throbbed darkly. Then, something fell through. A man, armoured in grey, wielding a shimmering orange pistol in one hand, and a traditional one in the other. Then, two more. One on fire, another coated in some liquid film.

“Hello, boys,” Chaos greeted them, “it's a pleasure to meet you.”

“Who the hell is this?” Putin exclaimed, “Security!”

A guard burst into the room, and whipped out a pistol, and fired it through Chaos’ chest. The bullet pierced through him, coming out cleanly on the other side. It grazed Putin's neck, and the president cried out in pain.

“That's not very sporting, is it, boys?” Chaos taunted. He spun around, and blasted the guard through his eyes. “There, that's more like it!”

The ministers scrambled towards the door, but were impeded by a black figure descending from the ceiling. “Not yet, asshats,” Xander said, holding out his sword. His mask pulled back, and the ministers were horrified by his appearance.

“What the hell is that?” one cried.

“An imposter of a man,” another said, pulling out a knife. He ran towards Xander with it, but the shadowy swordsman speared him through the stomach.

“Nice try,” Xander said.

“Can I have a go?” Chaos asked him.

“Go right ahead,” he answered.

Chaos grinned gleefully. “Yay!” He stepped up to the president, and put the pistols to his temples. “Mister Putin, can I call you Vlad? I like Vlad better. It makes you sound cooler than you are.”

The president was trembling with fear. He couldn't speak, and he couldn't scream for help. He nodded fearfully, horrified by what this intruder might do. 

“Good,” Chaos said cheerfully, “now, this might hurt a little, but it'll be over soon. If you're a good boy, I might have a little surprise for you!”

Putin continued to quiver. He could feel his strength fading as the blood seeped from his neck.

“Xander, hand me the paper, please,” Chaos asked him.

Xander pulled out an official looking form, and he placed it on the president's lap. “Do you need a pen?” he asked.

“I think he has enough red ink on him already,” Chaos replied, “now, Vlad I'll just need you to sign your name here.”

Putin pawed around his chair for something, but Chaos instead instructed him, “Use your finger, moron.” Putin put a finger to his wound, and drew his signature in blood on the paper.

“There's a good lad,” Chaos said happily, “now, here's your reward.” He fired the pistols, and the president's skull exploded. “The surprise was bullets!” he exclaimed cheerfully.

“Saw that coming,” Xander remarked. 

“Yes, well, you're just a massive fun sponge, aren't you?” Chaos complained to him, “I’d like to see you do better.” He held up the paper, and read it aloud. “‘Give Chaos the nukes to blow up the shit. Signed, Vladimir Putin.’ Oh, for me? You shouldn't have, mutilated corpse!”

The other ministers squealed with horror. “Oh, right, you're still here. What should we do, Xander? I think more murder would be fun!”

“I honestly don't care,” Xander replied, “I'm going back to the lair. Call me when you need to get picked up.”

Xander jumped up through the portal, and Chaos turned his attention to the cowering ministers. “Now, who wants to go first?”

The ministers cowered in fear. “Really? No takers? Guess I'll just have to choose for myself.” Bang! Down went Crycek. Bang! Down went Dolohov. Bang! Down went Borkowski and Chechik and Smirnov and Chekhov. Chaos was alone in red-painted room, squealing happily.

“Oh, this is so beautiful!” he declared, “It makes me want to sing!”

Chaos stepped out the door, and decapitated the guards outside with his rapier. “ _ Oh, what a beautiful mooorning! Oh what a beautiful daaay! _ ” Bang! Bang! Bang! “ _ I got a beautiful feeeling, everything's going my waaay! _ ”

“ _ The corn is as high as an elephant's eeeye- _ ” Slice! “ _ An’ it looks like it's climbin’ clear up to the sky! _ Come on, everyone, sing it with me!”

A patrol of soldiers came rushing down the hall, but Chaos mowed them down with ease, refusing to stop singing.

“ _ All the sounds of the earth are like music! _ ” He shattered a man's ribcage with a mallet, and it squelched horribly. “ _ All the sounds of the earth are like music! The breeze is so busy it don't miss a treeeee- _ ” he was now standing on a pile of bloody, mutilated bodies, “ _ and an old weepin’ willer is laughing at me! _ ” A single soldier was hiding in the corner.

“ _ Oh, what a beautiful mooorning- _ ” Bang! “ _ Everything's going my waaay! _ ”

The two Halfguard stepped up behind him. “Took you long enough,” Chaos chided them.

“Apologies, master,” Ravana apologized, “what would you like us to do?”

“Well,” Chaos said, turning to lean on the green one, then frantically shaking off the slime, “I would say… Hm… Burn it to the ground!”

Ravana grinned behind his mask. “You heard him, Fuko,” he said happily, “let’s get a blaze going.”

Fuko squelched his knuckles. “It would be my pleasure,” he answered.


	7. Ajay- Won't Let It Happen Again

I still maintain that I should never be permitted to sleep. Because, no matter what the circumstances, something goes wrong in one way or another.

I was standing mere feet behind Ian, as his turned his back to me, and knelt at the edge of the volcano.

“Ian, everything's going to be fine!” I pleaded, “You're going to be okay!”

He was sobbing loudly. “It's never going to be okay. Never.” He tipped forward, and fell into the acidic pit.

I tried to run to save him, spread my wings and fly, but I was frozen. Nothing moved. I couldn't do anything. I stood there, and I watched.

Out of the volcano came someone else. A blue, winged Guardian. The armour peeled back, to reveal a hideous, rotten face. His mouth didn't open, and he didn't speak, but he said, in a way that only a dream could convey, “You could've saved him. But you never did.”

“Please, I-” I begged with the spectre, but he stopped me.

“You stood there, waiting to see what happened. But do you know what I did?”

I mouthed, hopelessly, tears and spit covering my entire body, in a desperate display of grief.

“I died for him. Did I mean that little to you? Little enough that you wouldn’t protect the man I gave my life to save?”

I tried to apologize, but only pained wails escaped my mouth.

“You don't deserve him,” he said, “coward.”

Finally, I could speak. “Gordon…”

He screamed in agony, and dissolved into dust, and I was left, holding Ian’s dead body in my arms, useless.

I shot awake, flailing frantically. “IAN!” I screamed. I had gone to sleep with him, but he wasn't there! Where was he? Where was he?

He came rushing back into the bedroom, spilling a glass of water as he came in. “What? What is it? Are you okay? Is anyone else there?”

I sat up, and rushed over to him, holding him tightly. “I was- I was on the volcano again,” I stammered tearfully, “I thou- thought I had lost you again.”

He stroked my back, and shushed me softly. “It's okay, man,” he said quietly, “I'm here. Everything's good, man.”

“Thank you,” I said, pulling back.

“Now,” he said, “we should both get some sleep. I just need to turn off the light in the bathroom, and I'll be right back.”

“I want to come with you,” I said, “just to make sure.”

He chuckled, but agreed. “Okay. And I thought I was the over-dependant one.”

We turned off the light, and went back to bed. I tried to get back to sleep, but the image of Gordon, rotting into dust hung in my mind. Ian wrapped his arms around me, and I fell uneasily into sleep.

More dust. Except now it wasn’t just Gordon. It was everyone’s dust. Everything eroded and shattered and destroyed. And I knew it was because I sat by, doing nothing. Hideous monsters roamed the barren landscapes, twisted and warped elemental constructs, not even alive. 

I woke up again, in a cold sweat. Ian woke up with me. “You sure you’re alright?” he asked me.

“I- no,” I said, “I think- I think Chaos is doing something.”

“What makes you say that?” he inquired.

“The nightmares,” I explained, “the nightmares- he-he-he gives, he gives me nightmares, when-whenever he wants to send a message. He sent me the visions of my father dying, and of-of Dark Omega destroying the Core. Ian, I think we need to talk to Solomon about this.”

“Do we have to?” he complained, “Can you do it yourself? I still need another twelve hours of sleep, man.”

“Get your ass up,” I prompted him, dismounting the bed, “we need to go in for extra help.”

“School puns,” he said, flopping out of bed, “why did it have to be school puns?”

  
  
  


We knocked on his front door. Ian was wearing a thick blanket over his armour, and I was in my scorched sleepwear. I bounced impatiently, rapidly pressing the doorbell.

“Come on, come on,” I urged it, “get over here already!”

Solomon swung the door open from the other side. “What.” he answered. He was wearing a sleeping mask over his forehead, and his hair was tousled roughly. Surprisingly, he was still in his suit.

“Mr Solomon, I think Chaos is-” I paused, to fully in take in his strange attire, “do- do you sleep in your suit?”

“Don’t question it,” he said, very perturbed at losing sleep. “What the hell is Chaos up to, now, then?”

“I’ve been getting nightmares,” I explained, “and I think it might have to do with him. The last time I had nightmares like this was when Chaos was giving them to me. Mr Solomon, I think we need to do something.”

“Well,” he said, adjusting his sleeping mask, “did you consider that perhaps you might be experiencing these nightmares as a result of post-traumatic stress, in the wake of an ultimately unfortunate series of events, including the death of your friend and current partner?”

I raised a finger in protest, then decided that this was, in fact, a completely legitimate reasoning. “But- but we saw that guy, with-with the invisibility and-”

“And,” he finished for me, “it can wait a little longer. No harm will come of it, I assure you. I recommend the two of you both get some sleep, and contact me again if anything out of the ordinary happens.”

“And by out of the ordinary you mean…?” Ian asked.

“Space magic,” Solomon said, unimpressed, “good night, both of you.” He closed the door with some force, and we turned to walk away.

“So,” Ian offered, “fly me home?”

I rolled my eyes, and switched on my armour. The draconic wings emerged from between my shoulderblades, and carried him back to his place. Quietly, we slipped back into his room, and back into his bed. I still couldn’t get that image of Gordon as a rotten undead out of my head, but I was able to sleep peacefully afterwards.

  
  
  


I woke up for actual reals this time, and found Ian still wrapped around me. “Hey, dipshit,” I prodded him, “time to get up.”

“Fuak yuu,” he slurred sleepily, rolling over me and out of bed.

“FUCK-” I exclaimed, as he just straight up fucking crushed me under his weight. He hid the floor with a loud thud, and poked his head back up to greet me.

“Why the hell do I let you do things?” I asked him.

He shrugged. “Because if you don’t I use my guardstaff as a-?”

“Don’t,” I interrupted, “finish that sentence.”

He wiggled his eyebrows.

“Just get dressed,” I told him, “and we’re going to meet Solomon again.”

“Okay,” he said, begrudgingly, “but I have to get undressed to get dressed again.” He pulled his shirt off, and I didn’t argue, because we were both shameless degenerates.

We both pulled some semblance of public-appropriate clothing together, and I flew him back out to Solomon’s house. I knocked on the door, and there was no response. I rang the bell. Still nothing.

I turned the knob, and entered his house. Solomon was sitting in the center, intently and fearfully watching the television. Upon entering, his head snapped to face me, and he strode over.

“Ajay, you were right,” he said, forcefully holding me by the shoulders, “Chaos was indeed up to something. Look at this.” He pulled me away to the television. CBC was on, displaying a terrifying news story. 

“TERRORIST ATTACK ON KREMLIN LEAVES ENTIRE RUSSIAN STATE IN DISARRAY, RUSSIA LEFT WITHOUT PRESIDENT AS-” Solomon shut off the television before the subtitle could finish scrolling.

“Oh, hell,” I swore.

“Exactly,” he said gravely, “he’s the only one who could have done this, he’s the only ruddy bastard insane enough, I can tell you that!”

“What- what’s going to happen,” Ian interrupted, his voice shuddering nervously.

“I’ll tell you exactly what’s going to happen,” Solomon said, shifting his focus to Ian, trembling by the door, “Chaos is going on a murder spree. First Russia, then Japan, then Australia, America, Britain, and so on. He’s already done enough damage, all we can do now is stop him, and then we can  _ think _ about stabilizing the world!”

“Yeah,” I said, some fear creeping into my voice, “but how the hell are we going to do anything about it?”

“I’d say,” Mr Solomon suggested, “that we assemble the team once more. Grab anything you think you’ll need, and meet me back at the school in an hour.”

“Alright,” I said, “time for another bullshit escapade that may or may not result in loss of life. Love it.”


	8. Ajay- Getting the Gang Back Together (and then splitting them up)

I had gathered a backpack of shit, which was more or less just filled with random things I thought might tangentially be useful, and I stood at the door, leaning against it. Ian appeared a few minutes later, his own backpack of greater and more cumbersome size. He stumbled over himself, and came over to greet me.

“Hey,” he said, panting, “when’s everyone else going to get here?”

“Whenever they decide that masturbation is less important,” I quipped. 

A car pulled into the parking lot. The signature reckless scratches and violent pink shade informed me that it belonged to Lena. Belonged to, but most certainly was not driven by. Like I had figured, Alex stepped out from the driver’s side, and Lena burst through the passenger’s, sending the door beyond its normal capacity, as it collided with the side, and shattered the side mirror. Another passenger came out from passenger’s side in the back; a dark haired girl in a strangely cobbled-together outfit, which included a bright pink t-shirt that read “PUSSY DESTROYER”, and leopard-print pants.

I waved at Alex, and she waved back jovially. Lena flipped me off, because of course she did. 

Next, Solomon arrived. He drove up in a sleek, muscle-car looking vehicle, with some surreal extraterrestriality to it. It was, technically, like no car I had ever seen, but I had no idea how, because cars were never a focus of my interest, as I am firmly secure in my masculinity.

He stepped out in his white-grey suit, a worried frown on his face. He clasped his hands, and walked over, stepping quickly and fretfully. 

“Thank you all for coming,” he said, “as you might have guessed we- Wait, where is Nick? He was supposed to have been here, too!”

“Oh, right,” Alex remembered. She trotted over to her car, and came back carrying Nick, wrapped in blanket with little marijuanas on it. “I didn’t expect him to be cooperative, so I just sort of took him while he was out.”

“Took him from where?” I asked.

“Sobeys,” Alex answered, “he was just kind of on the floor, sleeping, wrapped in a blanket. For once, neither of us got any weird looks, which was… strange, to say the least.”

“Well,” Solomon said apprehensively, “uh, I suppose we could get on without him. So, Ajay, have you informed the others about our current situation?”

I looked at the others, confused. “I was supposed to do that?”

Solomon groaned. “Oh, Alpha, why do I put up with you? Ugh, Alex, were you any more responsible in dispensing information?”

She looked alarmed. “Ah, shit.”

Solomon slapped himself on the forehead. “Is  _ nobody _ in the loop here? Does  _ anybody _ have all of the necessary information?!”

Ian quietly raised his hand. “I was there for things, but I genuinely do not remember any of what you said, sorry.”

Solomon became more exasperated. “Why do I even bother… Listen, just- I’ll- oh, fuck it.” He pointed fingers at all of us, one by one. When he reached me, I felt a sudden barrage of information become absorbed into my brain.

“What the hell was that?” I questioned him, urgently.

“AAAAAH!!!” Lena exclaimed, “You FUCKED with my HEAD!” Instead of going after Solomon for this, like any rational person would have, she went out of her way to punch me in the face, then kick me in the shins. 

“OW!” I exclaimed, “What the hell was that?!”

“Because Solomon feels weird to punch!” she explained. “He doesn’t bruise or nothin’! You do!”

“But why  _ me?! _ ”

“Because fuck you, that’s why!” Can’t argue with that logic.

“Can you all just be civil for  _ one FUCKING moment?! _ ” Solomon furiously demanded. He quickly re-centered himself, and calmed down. “My apologies. I just implanted all of the information necessary for the mission ahead.”

“Yep,” Ian agreed,  “Chaos is doing things, Council of 31, blah blah blah, we need new Guardians, extra-dimensional threat, et cetera, et cetera.”

“Oh, that’s one hell of a headache,” I griped, “please never  _ inform us _ like that ever again.”

“I will try,” he said unconvincingly. “Now that you are all caught up with current developments, here is the predicament in which we are caught: preexisting Guardians are scouring the universe for any scattered Guardians, whose elements are yet to be filled with other members. But, at the same time, Chaos is ravaging Earths, because he is an insane little bastard who loves murder a little too much. So, I reason that the remaining few of us must be split up. 

“As much as I would love to spend more time with you all,” he continued, his irony painfully obvious, “I must go perform a rescue on my own. 

“Alex, Lena, and Nick,” he indicated each of them with a hand wave, “you yourselves will need to travel to Earth 412, for your own rescue mission. We have discerned that there is-”

“Hang on,” Ian interrupted, “can I like, play some music over this? It’s getting a bit boring?” We all glared at him, and he collapsed into himself. “Okay, fine, fine. Would’ve helped set the tone.”

“We have discerned,” Solomon resumed, spitefully, “that a pair of Guardians, of currently unique elements, is located in the southern-North-American region. I would say about Nevada, or so.”

“You mean like, Area 51?” Alex asked.

“Unfortunately, yes,” Solomon sighed, “I’ve had numerous, unfortunate encounters with the operators, there. Now, Ajay. You, Drannis, and Ian will be required to stay here.”

“Wait, what?” Ian complained, “They get to go to space, and we have to stay here?”

“Yes,” Solomon said sternly, “like I said; Chaos is waging his biggest, most complex battle here. I need someone left behind to protect it. I will update you three periodically via telepathic relays, so pay attention if you hear a phone ringing in your head.”

“Sounds fine by me,” I said, “wouldn’t mind beating some sense back into that fucker.”

“That’s the spirit!” Solomon agreed, “Now, Lena, Alex, grab Nick and let’s get going. Chaos waits for no man, let me tell you!” He waggled a finger, and the girls lifted Nick up, and followed him into the school.

Ian and I both looked intriguedly at Drannis. She waved a shy hello, and Ian introduced himself.

“Hey, Ian,” he greeted her, “immortal space wizard.” 

I rolled my eyes at him, but introduced myself to her. “Ajay,” I said, “the idiot boyfriend of the immortal space wizard.”

“Oh,” she remarked, “you two are together?”

“Unfortunately,” I joked. Ian teased me back with a slug to the shoulder. “So, what’s your deal?” I asked her.

“Uh, pansexual?” she said, almost asking. “Wait, no, that’s- that’s not what you were talking about, was it?”

“No, but an interesting answer,” I said, laughing a little.

“Sorry,” she apologized, sticking her hand out again, “Drannis, Guardian of Shadow.”

“Nice to meet you, Drannis,” Ian greeted her again. I couldn’t help but be the tiniest bit jealous of her, getting all of Ian’s attention. Doesn’t hurt to be defensive, I say.

I shoved him aside, and shook her hand. “Ajay, again.”

She looked a bit confused, but shook with me anyway. Suddenly, there was a roar of spaceship engines, and the saucer ships shot from the base of the school, scaring the living shit out of Ian.

“YAH!” he exclaimed, jumping a good foot in the air. I can’t say I wasn’t startled, but his reaction to it sure gave me kick. Drannis and I both laughed at him. Well, at least we had that one thing in common: making fun of my boyfriend. I could tell this was going to be the start of a beautiful friendship. That is, until one of us possibly died, which I wish I didn’t have to think of as a legitimate possibility. Life is fun!


	9. Interlude- Moral Jackass

Xander returned to the hidden base he and Chaos had scrounged together. He sat down on a chair, and moped sadly.

“Why the long face?” On the other side of the single-room base, another companion of theirs, Cornelius, sat carving a piece of wood with a knife-guardstaff. He was somewhat tallish, with dark brown hair and emerald green eyes. He carried himself in a very devil-may-care fashion, and his pale green armour had some hypnotice quality to it.

“Chaos is just sort of,” Xander paused, “excessive. I mean, I like murder as much as the next guy, but he takes it to a whole different level.”

Cornelius sat forward, intently carving at the wood, only half paying attention to Xander. “You’ve been with him longer than I have, I woulda thought you’d be up to speed by now.”

“Nobody’s up to speed with that rat bastard,” Xander said, laying back in his chair.

Cornelius stood up, and swaggered over to Xander. “You might not be, can’t really say the same for myself, of course.” He leaned against the wall, casually continuing to shave the piece of wood. “I’m just that good,” he finished charismatically.

“Don’t push your luck, Corn,” Xander spat.

Cornelius shot him a look, and his guardstaff erupted into a comically large blade. “That’s not my name, pissass.”

Xander shoved the greenish blade away, and sunk into his seat. “You haven’t been there for any of his massacres, have you?”

Cornelius’ blade receded, and he became a little more invested. “Let’s say I haven’t. What are they like?”

Xander chuckled. “He sings. He makes a performance out of it. If he can’t make a corpse into a work of art, he doesn’t bother. If he can’t make a corpse into art, he uses it as a brush.” Xander stood up, speaking more forcefully now. “He splits their heads open, uses their brains like water balloons, whips their intestines like a driver commanding his horse, and paints on the walls with blood spat from their hearts, and then, he puts it to a showtune. Still sound like a fun time to you, shuckboy?”

Cornelius was pinned by Xander against the wall, now. “Well, when you put it like that-”

Xander stepped off, and stormed outside. He sat on the front step, and gazed at the trees. The small arboreal grove shielded him from the sun, but he took glances at the fiery ball. He had never been to the Core, not really. He had always thought that shadow was more beautiful than light could have ever been. But, once his father had been dethroned, he no longer thought this.

The light, he found, let him see. Once clouded by his father’s shadow, Xander could now look at the world the way it was. Cruel. Hateful. The only way something could survive, was by killing something else. This, he thought, must have been why Chaos was immortal.

The man was driven to kill, to harm, to maim, to batter and beat and brutalize. How, Xander wondered, could he ever compete? He didn’t want to die. That was what scared him most about being alive. Every day, he was forced to exact the terms of his greatest fear onto innocents. This was just one reason why Xander knew he was a monster.

He had always been broken. Something within him, even as a child, never clicked. He knew two things that had never been right about him; a case of mistaken identity, and some villainy that had been imposed on him as a child. One of these he had rectified, but it didn’t heal him. It just made the world see him as an abomination.

Cornelius stepped outside, and sat beside him. “You know, Chaos would yell at us if he caught us out here.”

“Chaos isn’t here, and isn’t that merciful,” Xander retorted, “and besides, it’s a nice day.”

“Too bright for me,” Cornelius said, “and too hot. Florida was always too much for me. Even light years away, I can’t stand this fucking state.”

Xander snickered. “I’ve only been here about a year. I like it. It’s very different.” 

“Well, I might say you’re very different,” Cornelius encouraged him, “how would you take that?”

Xander stared him in the eyes. “I don’t know.” Cornelius looked away, and began to quietly sing something.

“ _ When I was, a young boy, my father, took me into the city, _ ” he sang, “ _ to see a marching band. _ ”

Xander followed his lead. “ _ He said, ‘Son when, you grow up, _ _ would you be, the savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned? _ "

“ _ He said, ‘Will you defeat them, your demons, and all the non-believers, the plans that they have made? Because one day, I'll leave you, a phantom, to lead you in the summer, to join the black parade.’ _ ” It was only now that Xander realized the Cornelius had a very elegant singing voice.

Xander continued to hum the chorus, and stared up at the sky. “ _ And through it all, the rise and fall, the bodies in the streets. And when you're gone, we want you all to know, we'll carry on, we'll carry on. And though you're dead and gone believe me, Your memory will carry on, we'll carry on. _ ”

Xander stood up again, and said to her partner in crime, “Thanks, Corn.”

“If you never call me that again,” he said deftly, “will reciprocate the feeling.”

“Don’t push your luck, shuckboy,” Xander teased. He shut the door behind himself, and held his only remaining guardstaff to his face. His signature, dripping umbric blade emerged. He plunged the shadowy construct through his cheeks, and cringed in pain. He was used to it, but hell if it didn’t hurt. He pulled it back out, and his cheeks bled profusely. This was what he knew. This was him. These scars, that he refused to let close, were him.


	10. Ajay- Sandwiches Are What's Important Here

Ian, Drannis and I had gotten ourselves settled in my house. Most of the time my parents were out, and, because Solomon had given us leave from school to do world saving things, the three of us were mostly left alone in the house. Presently, I was failing to prepare lunch. I was trying to make something… noodle-y, but I was horribly underprepared for the task.

“Ian,” I said, holding the boiling pot out in front of me, “help me out here.”

He scanned the pot, and determined, “That sure is noodles.”

“Great,” I replied sarcastically, “now that we know what they are, how do I cook 'em?”

He shrugged. “I think you're supposed to strain them after a bit.”

Not thinking, I dumped the pot into the sink. “Fuck.”

“Well, you tried,” he encouraged me.

I raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure?”

He came in closer to me, resting his chin on my head. “Nope. I'm just offering unconditional support, like any good friend should.”

“You left out the 'boy’ part,” I noticed.

“Really? Here, let me just slip it back in,” he joked.

“Make another joke like that and I will punch you,” I warned him. I walked out of his reach, and pulled out a loaf of bread. “Roast beef or turkey?” I asked, moving to get sandwich meat from the fridge.

“Yes,” he answered. Again, I rolled my eyes. I loved him, but hell if he didn't get grating after a while. I took the packaged meat from the fridge, then the condiments, and popped back up. Drannis, unbeknownst to me, had been resting her head on the fridge door, and had fallen flat as I pulled it away.

I looked at her incredulously, and asked, “What are you doing?”

“I… don't know,” she said, pushing herself back up, “it seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“So, Drannis,” I asked her, “do you have sandwiches in space?”

“Uh, maybe? I don't think we call them the same things, though,” she answered, puttering around the kitchen, poking at things. “A sandwich is the one with stuff in bread, yeah?”

“Yep,” I said, applying mayonnaise to my bread, “what do you call them?”

“Bread meals,” she said curiously, “why do you call them sandwiches?”

“I don't know,” I resigned, “some duke or something put meat in bread and we all owe him a favour.” I finished assembling mine, and started to work on Ian’s. “Why do you call them 'bread meals’?”

“Are they anything else?” she argued. I stopped dead in my tracks.

“Fuck, dude,” Ian epiphanized. “She's right.”

“Ian,” I said in a warning tone.

“Think about it dude,” he said, his eyes wide, “open faced sandwiches, they're not like normal sandwiches, they're bread meals.”

“It's too early for this shit,” I griped.

“Tortillas and shit, too,” he realized, “some people consider them sandwiches, they're just bread meals. Everything's bread meals, dude. Hot dogs, burgers, it's all bread meals.”

“I am absolutely done with this,” I complained, “snap out of it, dumbass.”

“Yeah, sure,” he said, still dazed, “pass me the bread meal.” Begrudgingly, I handed him the bre- sandwich, and he stuffed half of it in his mouth.

“Thanks for that,” I told Drannis, “he obviously didn't have enough regular existential crises anyway.”

She looked concerned. “Should I not have told you about the bread meals?”

Ian, still in a state of religious bliss, said, “That was knowledge I needed to learn if I was to grow as a person, it's all cool, man.”

“Sorry,” she said nervously. I finished making her sandwich, and laid back against the kitchen counter.

Drannis nibbled at her sandwich, and asked, “So, um, didn't Solomon want us to be doing things?”

“Yep,” I answered.

“... Then shouldn't we be doing them?”

“Not until something happens,” I said, taking a bite from my sandwich, “we need to know what Chaos is doing before we can stop him from doing it. We watch out for anything on the news, you teleport us there, we beat the shit out of Chaos, bippidi boppidi boo, everything's hunky dory.”

Drannis looked at me concernedly. “Were… were those supposed to be words?”

“Yeah,” Ian confirmed, now a bit more connected to reality (ha), “we Earthlings like to say crazy shit and hope people understand. It's part of our charm.”

“So, if we're supposed to be looking out for news reports,” Drannis said, “shouldn't we be listening to news reports?”

Ian held up his iPod. “We are.”

“I- what's that about?” Our earthly ways continued to perplex her, it seemed.

“Twitter,” he said, dual-wielding his device and his sandwich, “if something's going down, Twitter's going to be the first to yell at you about it.”

“Uh, okay,” Drannis said, taking a pause, “you're going to need to explain all this Earth crap to me some day.”

“We'll explain things as we-” I began, but then I heard… blarping. The unmistakable sound of a brass trombone, playing all by itself.

“What in the hot damn…?” I asked. “Is one of you making that sound?”

“Nope,” Ian answered, just as bewildered as I was.

I walked over to the front window, and gazed down at the lawn. Standing there, blarping away, was some idiot in black Guardian armour. Holding up a shiny brass trombone, all I could say to this was, “What in the motherfucking… who the hell is that?”

Ian and Drannis came up behind me. “Beats the hell outta me,” Ian remarked. “Should we go beat 'im up?”

“That sounds like an acceptable idea,” I replied. I went down the stairs and out the front door, and this strange Guardian just turned to doot in my direction. I took out my gladius, and he dooted alarmedly.

“Yep, this is the stupidest shit I've seen all day,” I said, stepping forward to slice at it, “possibly all year.” I raised my sword, but Ian held me back.

“That's a bad idea, dude,” he warned, “maybe we should just let him play.” The guy in armour continued to blarp at us.

“We really shouldn't let him be here,” I argued, “if he's with Chaos, that means they know where we live.”

“... Yeah, we should do something about this,” he said, pulling out his guardstaff. “Come here, little guy.” His purple manacles emerged, and the guy dooted in surprise, and began to scuttle away.

“Should we go after him?” Drannis asked.

“That was the plan,” I said, “follow that brass!”

Switching into our armour, we quickly tailed the seeming Guardian of Fanfare (I would've said dumb shit but there's definitely more than one of those,) down the street and into the forest. We brushed through the trees and shrubs, stumbling after the absurd herald.

“I can't believe this is a real thing we're doing,” I said.

“I would ask if living on Earth is usually like this,” Drannis proposed, “but I think that question answers itself.”

Finally, we arrived at a small clearing, where the trombonist stood dooting into the sky.

“There you are, you little shit,” I said, “come to daddy.”

“Please never say that in public again,” Ian urged.

“Shush,” I quieted him. I raised my sword at the trombonist, and then-

“Oh, fuck.” Another person in Guardian armour stepped out from the trees, brown-clad and massive, like a living mountain. Another in green armour stepped out beside him, noticeably puny next to him. Another black Guardian came out beside him, noticeably fed up with the other's shit.

“See, told you it was a good idea,” the pale green Guardian said, “two Guardians all caught up.” He took out a bit of shaped wood, and started whittling at it with a guardstaff knife. “Okeus, give them a hug.”

The titanic brown Guardian raised his arms, and we were bound in a tight wrap of stone. We struggled, but the bonds seemed to be like leather, moving to fit our bodies. He lifted us up, and held us over his shoulder. 

“Chaos is going to be real happy with us,” he said, “Dooty boy, pop us a portal, would ya?”

The trombonist played a note, and out came a shadow portal, officially the new weirdest shit I'd seen all day. Okeus carried us through the portal, and we were dropped into a stark, stone room. Okeus left through the portal, and we were left alone in a dungeon.

“Well, this is just fantastic,” I remarked.

“Sorry,” Drannis apologized.

There was a long silence, broken only by deep sighs.

Finally, Ian spoke. “What do we do now?”

“We wait,” I said, “that, or we find a way to bullshit ourselves outta here.”

Drannis bumped her head into mine. 

“Hey! What the hell was that for?!”

“Sorry!” she apologized again, “I just thought of something.”

“What is it, then?” Ian asked anxiously.

Drannis tensed up, and we fell down into the floor, falling back into my living room.

The rock bonds cracked, and we fell loose into the rubble.

“Ow,” I said, “warn a guy before you do that.”

“Yes please,” Ian agreed.

Drannis sat up, smiling. “Guys, do you know what this means?”

“That there's a bunch of colourful assholes out there ready to chop us to pieces?” I inquired.

“No,” Drannis said, “we know where the colourful assholes live,  _ and _ , they think they have us trapped in the basement.”

“Yeah, I'm focusing more on the existence of the colourful assholes,” Ian said, “that seems more relevant. Who where those guys?”

“Maybe we should go ask,” I said deftly. I tried to sit up, but my bruises denied me. “On second thought, maybe we should wait a bit.”


	11. Alex- Where the Hell We're Going

I piloted the saucer vessel, trailing Mr Solomon closely. “So,” I asked, “how do I get to, uh, Earth 412, was it?”

“Well,” Solomon replied over the intercom, “it’s actually not that complex. The destiny drive functions on similar principles to its Engine cousin, but is limited to one function: vehicular space travel! Now, I have designed this drive to-”

“Ugh, shut the fuck up,” Lena groaned, “if I could kill you, I would, you boring fucking asshole!”

I heard Solomon huff indignantly. “All you have to do is define a mental destination, and perform an action you would deem appropriate for such travel. You do have to be isolated, though, so don’t get too close to the moon, or anything.”

As he said that, we quickly zipped past the moon itself. “Should be easy enough,” I said, “everyone, strap in. We’re going to warp nine!”

“That’s not a thing!” Solomon complained, “There is no such thing as wa-”

I thrust my hands forward, and pulled back, in a motion I deemed appropriate, and the ship shuddered, and thrust forward with unkowable speed. Surprisingly, I didn’t really feel pushed back by it; it felt like more of a gentle glide than anything else.

“Alrighty,” I remarked, letting go of the nonexistent controls, and letting the ship drive itself. 

“I can still hear you, you know,” Solomon came in over the intercoms again.

“That old fucker just can’t let us have one fucking second of peace, can he?” Lena grumbled.

“I heard that, too,” Solomon chided her. “The hyper-luminal time plane allows for communication, given that both entities are moving at similarly hyper-luminal speeds.”

“That sounds like a whole lotta Star Trek, man,” Nick said, having woken up.

“Thank you for that observation, Nikolas,” Solomon prodded him. 

“How much longer until we get there?” I asked, “And, please, don’t explain the science.”

“Fine,” Solomon huffed, “you three will be arriving in 3.98 hours, and I myself will be arriving in 17.73 hours.”

“Sounds fine,” I said, leaning back in one of the seats. In retrospect, that was a massive lie, on my part. “So, what else do we know about these Guardians?”

“Well, the two you're going to meet,” Solomon elaborated, “are adopted siblings. They have… an interesting relationship, to say the least. The brother is a Guardian of Metal, and his sister is a Guardian of Flesh.”

“Uh, flesh?” I asked, “That's… that's an element?”

“Well, of course. What else would flesh be?” he countered, “It's not really any other element.”

I gave it some quick thought, and agreed. “That's fair. Gross, but fair. Speaking of gross, uh, should I ask about the, uh, ‘weird relationship’ those two have?”

“No, you really shouldn’t,” Solomon said sadly, “I have no idea why I didn’t spend any time  _ separating _ those two. Ugh.”

“Oookay then,” I held back, “I wish I had never asked.”

“You don’t even know anything else about them,” Solomon griped, “I could go on for  _ hours _ about them, why i-”

“Do not,” I stopped him, “finish, that sentence, ever. How much longer, again?”

“4.96 hours,” he answered, “get settled.”

Of course, getting settled was not an option. I practically had to be a meat wall between Nick and Lena for the other 4.95 hours. My right, where Lena had stood, was badly bruised and scratched. I had to tape her arm to keep her from killing us all. Nick, on the other hand, posed completely different problems.

He refused to put away his cigarettes, and even a few choice cigars, and was noxiously vegetative the whole rest of the time. Thankfully the vessel had some method of air filtration, or I would’ve died in one way or another in there. Unfortunately, those two didn’t shut up.

Nick sat on his side, producing quizzically philosophical musings, such as “If trees had been purple instead of green, would grass have been purple, too?”, and “Why are bees?”. Lena, in turn, spouted every insult, real, manufactured, or inapplicable, that she could find in his direction, like a waterfall of confused prejudice.

Solomon was now out of immediate radio communication, so I was left to hold them off by myself. Miraculously, the ship shuddered to a halt. The viewscreen actually showed something now: the planet Earth, with only the tiniest of differences to ours. It seemed… greener, somehow. 

I managed to pry myself away from Lena, shoving her back into her seat, and helming the vehicle. “Oh, thank Alpha,” I praised, “we’re here. Now, all we have to do is land. Uhhh, shit.” I realized I had no idea how to enter an atmosphere. Oops.

“Uh, hmm. Uh,” I muttered, “how the hell-”

Something hit me in the back, and I fell into the console. I turned to see Lena, taking the helm, and shoving her fist into the ground. Uh oh.

I felt centrifugal force shove me into the ceiling, and the viewscreen showed a rapidly approaching Earth beneath us, masked by the flames of atmospheric reentry. Fuck. Shit. Hell.

I could barely move, and I heard Lena screaming loudly at the controls, as we plummeted to the planet. This wasn’t going to end well for anyone.

I slowly reached for my guardstaff, and fumbled with it, making a mallet, to at least distract Lena. I swung the mallet, and she flew into the wall, and up onto the ceiling. Now, a bigger problem arose: we were plummeting to Nevada, at immense speed, with no pilot, and everyone was stuck to the roof. Oh, this was a bad idea. This was such a horrible, awful idea.

Before I knew it, we had crashed. We landed smack dab in the middle of some desert, surprisingly intact. As we hit the dirt, we fell on our faces, with the full weight of our bodies realized against the metallic floor. I was quick enough to switch on my armour, but the others were not so lucky.

I stood up on shaky feet, and took in the unsettled surroundings. “Is everyone alive?” I asked.

Lena flipped over, and uttered, “Fuck you,” and passed out.

Nick as well fell frontways, his nose bleeding profusely. “That was awesome, man.”

“Thanks,” I said facetiously. Lena’s arm broke through the duct tape, and stabbed Nick in the arm as it popped out. Nick screamed a sustained note, higher than any note or clef would be able to register. I put another bit of duct tape over his mouth.

“That should work for now,” I said. Then, I remembered the wound. “Oh, right.” I shuffled through my backpack, and tried to find the first aid pack I thought I had put there. I hadn’t put it there. Oops. 

I quickly duct-tapped that, too, but quickly decided something else needed to be done about this.

“Okay, uh,” I stammered, “we need to get him to a hospital! Lena, put your arm away, and let’s get out of here.” Her arm developed more dagger barbs. This was going to be difficult.

  
  
  


After some finagling, I managed to get me and Nick on the outside, and lock Lena in the ship. Let’s hope that thing doesn’t heat up, or else I could be fined for child endangerment. I supported Nick, as he wobbled unsurely through the desert. I could here carrion birds calling for us, but I was determined that they’d be going hungry, as I trudged the unending wastes of sand.

It took a while, but I eventually came upon some civilization. Nick was now three-quarters unconscious, just a little more than usual, but I could tell this was exactly where he would’ve felt at home. 

A neon barrage infected a hedonistic city, guarded by a sign recognizable to any human on any Earth: Las Vegas.

Cars sped past us into the city, as we trudged dazedly into the city limits. Shattered glass bottles encrusted the edge of the road, and I made a careful effort to avoid them. Nick, however, made a point to fall sideways into them.

“Whee!” he said, as he slipped out of my grip and onto the emerald-green shards. “AAAH!” he screamed, shooting awake, his whole left side noticeably bloody.

“Yeaaah,” I said, “we’re going to need more than duct tape for that.”

“Can you make, like, an attorney kit, or something?!” he asked frantically.

“If you mean a tourniquet,” I said, also freaking out, “then maybe?! I don’t know how!”

“Just put your shirt around it, or something! Tie a knot, I think!” This was one of the few times I had seen him show any concrete emotion, and it was quite unsettling.

“Okay, uh, we should get the glass out, first, uh,” I paused, and tried to exert some elemental power on the glass in his arm, but it didn’t budge. What the hell counted as Rock, even?! “Okay, that’s not working!” I made a snap decision, and said, “Nick, I’m going to have to punch it out!”

“SERIOUSLY?!” he exclaimed.

“Sorry!” I said, and punched him in the arm. Glass and blood were shot from the wounds. He screamed again, and I slapped him in the face to shut him up. His nose began to bleed again, and I held his nose. This was becoming absurd.

“How do you feel about your shirt?” I asked him. He flailed confusedly, and, out of desperation, I ripped his shirt off. I tore the bloody parts off, and quickly wrapped it around his arm. It wasn’t enough. I managed to get his forearm wrapped, but his leg and upper arm were still bleeding.

“Uh, shit,” I swore, “this is going nowhere. Hold on tight.” I took him onto my shoulders, and rushed him into the city. I dodged sleazy patrons of casinos and bars, and made a mad dash towards any kind of medical facility. I saw an ambulance, and quickly hopped in as they were closing the door.

“Hey, who the hell do you think you are, lady?” the driver questioned me.

“In need of medical assistance,” I said, dumping Nick on top of the other guy on the gurney, who apparently seemed only drunk off his ass.

“Hello, there!” the man on the gurney said, in a drunken english accent.

“Hey, dude,” Nick obliged.

“That… seems fair,” the driver agreed. He stepped on the pedal, and we sped away.


	12. Alex- Intrusive Thoughts

The ambulance shot off to its destination, and I sat quietly waiting. I gazed out the window, and took in the surroundings. Solomon said that the Earths were meant to be identical, but this Earth seemed a bit more.. flashy. Hair was bigger, shoulders were puffed out, and colours were brighter and more flamboyant. Then, the biggest clue: a bright neon sign, reading “NEW YEARS’ EVE 1983”.

I scooched around the gurney, and asked the driver, “Hey, uh, what year is it?”

“What,” the driver replied, “you some kinda time traveler, or somethin’?”

“That is a possibility,” I said unsurely. 

The driver looked shocked. “First Roswell, now this? Hell, I need to get a new job.”

I snorted, and the ambulance slowed to a stop. They pushed Nick and the other gentleman onto separate gurneys, and shunted them off into the hospital. I walked quickly, able to keep up with the nurses and doctors pulling the cart along.

“Any idea how he’s doing?” I asked them.

“Shove off kid,” the doctor said briskly, “unless you’re family, you’re not getting in.” I stopped in my tracks. I heard another one of the nurses mutter something about “the spacemen”, and became intrigued.

Even though I really shouldn’t have been, I poked around the hospital. It was fairly standard fare: people in slings, torched skin, the usual hospital fare. I wandered around a little longer, still somewhat on edge that I was in 1983, but I cooled down, and found a waiting area.

I sat down, and pawed through a tabloid magazine. It was very different, taking in the aesthetics of the 1980s in real time. The vibrant and unapologetic colours, and the almost alarming amounts of overblown minor controversies.

I took about five minutes looking through one, absorbing vague fragments of historical information. I put down the glossy rag, and spotted another, with a particularly outrageous cover.

A blurry polaroid photograph adorned the cover, of some indiscernibly shaped creature. No matter how much I stared at it, I couldn't figure out what it was. Maybe that was a face? Maybe those were legs? Or arms?

The headline read, in large yellow lettering, “THE NEVADA SKIN WALKERS STRIKE AGAIN”. It indicated page 17, and I flipped to the respective section. A few more similar images of similar creatures were pasted around the article, entitled, “Mysterious Monsters of Las Vegas Return to Terrorize Civilians”. Thoroughly intrigued, I continued.

“ _ For the last three months, the infamous creatures that have plagued the state of Nevada have been absent, but the threat of their return has hung in the air. Now, they have been reappearing, if more sparsely than before.  _

_ “Citizens have been advised to stay away from highly populated areas, but nobody seems to have taken it to heart. Casino owner Josh Simmons has himself stated his resistance against this warning.”  _ I skimmed over the interview, and went ahead.

“ _ These creatures, for anyone who's been living under a rock, leave behind bare skeletons of seemingly random victims, generally in groups of three or four. _

_ “Some have cited them as being similar to the Native American creatures known as skinwalkers, though others have refuted this claim, saying that they are too different. Others have fantastically connected them to the infamous Area 51, but there is little evidence to corroborate this. _

“ _ Government officials have nothing to say about the nature of these creatures, but they do recognize the threat that they pose. _ ” I put the magazine down, and shuddered in some small disturbance.

Then, a voice popped into my head. “Alex, this is Solomon. Just calling to check in on you.” As he spoke, I could clearly picture his face in my mind's eye. His words resounded in my head, not unlike reading the dialogue of a character in a book, except I couldn't control the information I absorbed.

“Oh, wow, okay, uh,” I stammered out loud, “how are you doing this?”

“Psychic connection,” he explained, “and please, use your inside voice, you're embarrassing yourself.”

“This is my inside voice,” I spoke again.

“Not like that,” he complained, rubbing out a headache, “think it, don't say it.”

“That sounds politically dubious,” I thought-joked, “but okay. I'm doin’ fine, but, uh, Nick is… not so hot.”

He rolled his eyes. “What did he do this time?”

“Fell on broken glass,” I told him, “we’re at a hospital right now, he’s getting it taken care of.”

“Oh, bugger,” Solomon cursed, “oh, that's not good.”

“Why?” I inquired, “He’s getting patched up, we should be fine!”

“No, no, that's not the point,” Solomon stressed, hands running through his hair, “this is an  _ American  _ hospital! You are, in the most literal sense, undocumented aliens! Worse, undocumented aliens without currency.”

“Aw, shit,” I swore.

“The moment they find out that you are not citizens,” Solomon warned, “you are going to be imprisoned, deported, and, if unlucky enough, billed.”

“What should I do, then?” I asked. 

“Find Nick, hope someone starts a ruckus, and get the hell out of there,” he suggested, “contact me when you get back to the ship.”

“Yeah, uh,” I paused, “that might be a little bit of a problem?”

“Son of- just do what you can, and I'll talk to you later,” he said.

“Don't you mean think to me later?” I joked.

“No, I don't,” he snipped. He disappeared from my head, and I popped back into the moment. Suddenly, I noticed I was the only one in the room. Everyone else had cleared out for some reason, even, it seemed, the doctors.

I stood up, looking for some indication of why they had left. Then, I saw, in the shadows of the corner of the room, someone in what looked to be a pink jumpsuit.

“Hey, do you know where everyone went?” I asked them.

“I have a feeling,” they said. Their voice was feminine, and somewhat alluring.

“Okay, Black Eyed Peas,” I teased, “what is it?”

They turned around, and out of the shadows. “Something spooked them.” It was a person in Guardian armour, with striking orange eyes. Why was this such a common thing, now? The scaled body suit clung tight to her skin, a bit closer than I was entirely comfortable with. Long nails tipped her fingers, sharp enough to amputate a head. Her body was curved, and slender, but her height was frightening.

Faster than her image could reach my eyes, I was gripped with a sickening terror. My limbs refused to move, and my eyes felt like they would slip from out of their lids. I wanted to vomit, and expel any organ or innard I had.

“Oh, what's wrong?” she taunted, feigning care, “Cat got your tongue?”

I wanted to respond with “That's not even clever”, but the only sound that escaped my mouth was a strangled gargling.

“Oh, sweetheart,” she continued to mock me, “let me help you with that.” Another inexplicable wave of intense feeling coursed through me, and I was suddenly bawling on the floor.

I couldn't help myself. Every pain I had ever felt came rushing back to me. Losing my dog, being insulted for how I looked and how I acted and how I dressed, and even…

“Mom…” I weeped. I had just given away a key piece of information. How could I be so stupid!

“There, there,” the seductress cooed, stroking my face gently, “Venus is here. What happened to her, dearie?”

I didn't want to speak, but it came out. “She was… she was…”

“Go on,” Venus encouraged.

“Stabbed,” I confessed, “she went out to- to buy flowers, a-a-and, and she was… she got stabbed along the way. We-we didn't find her until, until after New Year's.”

“Oh, you poor thing,” Venus said, bringing out falsified comfort, “that's terrible. Is there anything else you'd like to say? Something you'd like to… get off your chest?” She stroked my torso with her daggerlike nails, leaving white marks as they trailed.

I didn't reply, but she answered, in a low, silken voice, “There is, isn't there? Why didn't you tell me before. I could've used it against you sooner.” 

She held up her fingers, and poised them against my throat. In a fit of rage, I grabbed her hand, and bent her fingers backwards over her hand. She screamed in pain, and escaped backwards.

Her grip on me no longer holding, I took out my guardstaff, and slammed her around with the summoned hammer. She flew into the wall, breaking the plaster.

“Nobody,” I said, heaving with rage, “pulls that shit on me.” I exalted a barbarous roar, and charged at her.

She sneered at me, and slid out of the way. I crashed through the wall. “GET OVER HERE!” I smashed through another segment of the wall, and she was almost out the door. She looked back at me, and, frightened, rushed out the exit.

I roared at her again. My armour slipped on, and I came bursting through the door, shattering it into glass shards.

As soon as I realized she was manipulating me, I found myself in a trap. The hulking skinwalker beasts loomed in front of me, Venus standing commandingly in the center. The monsters’ faces were contorted masses, varying in composition. They all had eyes, and maybe a mouth or two, but nothing about them was cohesive. Skin colour was notably marbled, and nothing looked truly concrete on them, like their entire body could replace itself at a moment’s notice.

Venus stroked her hand, snapping the bones back into place, and aimed her reconstructed finger at me.

“Kill her,” she commanded. The fleshy abominations stepped forward, every part of their shapeless bodies morphing to accommodate movement. I drew a battleaxe, but, now free of Venus’ manipulation, I felt some doubts about striking them down. Something about them felt fundamentally wrong. I hesitated, and one of them grabbed me up. It didn’t so much as take me into a hand, but cocooned me in a wrap of arms.

The beast compressed its grip, and air was forced out of my lungs. It brought me to its pseudo-face, and stared me down with eleven uniquely coloured eyes. Each one of them looked afraid. Its flappy mouth moved in some indistinct fashion, as if trying to cry for help.

I forced my armour off, giving me barely enough room to slip from its grasp. I cleaved it in half with the axe, and a fountain of blood escaped from its midsection. Instead of staying dead like any good monster goon, it reconstituted into two, bleeding separate sections.

“Oh, great,” I said, “I got stuck with the amoeba men.” I continued to slash at them, splitting them into smaller and smaller pieces, until they were small enough to mix back together into their larger forms.

“Oh, come on!” I cried, “Can’t you just stay dead or something?!” I took a step away from them, and slipped over the leaking blood, landing on the floor. It splashed into my hair and clothes, and I remembered, if I survived, I would be forced to wear eighties clothes nicked from a hospital. Nice.

Venus cackled at my expense, pointing and laughing. “Give it up, mortal. Absinthe knows how to make minions, for sure.”

“Why do villains always talk like that?” I critiqued her. “You just sound… poorly written.”

She sneered again, with an added grunt of frustration, and commanded her soldiers. “Attack!”

The beasts resumed their approach, but I put my guardstaff away, and decided to take another course of action. “You know Elvis?”

The skinwalkers paused, confused. Evidently, they had some basic knowledge of pop culture, some-fucking-how.

“Yeah,” I continued, “died a few years back, I think, it’s a shame, really. He would’ve loved to see this  _ rock show! _ ” I raised my arms, and meteoric boulders pushed out of the ground, catapulting the skinwalkers into the atmosphere. Venus was alone, and her glass-covered eyes went wide. I cocked a smile her way, and she dashed away. I decided to indulge, and launched her into the sky, as well. I smirked, and laughed in spite of myself.

“Sayonara, Alice,” I joked, “hope you brought your umbrella.” I was on a fucking roll here. Then, responsibility called. I had left Nick unsupervised. Shit. Oh, this was not going to go down well.

And it sure didn’t. Police cars rolled up to the hospital, and discovered me, drenched in blood, and crusted in rubble. The American authorities aimed their sidearms my way, and I put my hands up. Yeah, this was the worst possible thing that could’ve happened here. Good job, me.


	13. Solomon- Alone With My Thoughts

“Oh, these children are going to be the death of me,” I said, resigning from my call with Alex. There was still a few hours left until I arrived at Earth 693, so I decided to check in with Ajay and Ian. I centered my mind, and initiated the connection. Ian’s face appeared in my mind, and I greeted him.

“This is Solomon,” I said, “just calling to check in on you. How are things?”

Instead of producing any comments or response, he screamed in shock. Oh, I chose the wrong correspondant. He backed into a wall, and exclaimed, “WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!”

Oh, this is going to be tedious. “It's Solomon,” I repeated, “I've initiated a psychic connection, please calm down.”

He was hyperventilating. “How do- you're- aaaaAAAAAH!”

“Please be quiet,” I said, “listen, how are you all doing?”

He calmed down, but only slightly. “We're, uh, we’re doing good,” he said, “we’ve got a way into Chaos’ lair, we’re just planning it out now.”

“Excellent,” I said proudly, “I shouldn't take too much more of your time, I’ll let you get back to that.”

“You got it supreme leader,” he joked, clearly more relaxed.

“I don't understand that joke, but call me in the ship if you have any problems.” I severed the connection, and prayed that those three were wise enough to plan a proper attack. Actually, I had enough time on my hands, I could plan it for them! I set out to think up methods of assault on Chaos’ domicile, but then remembered I was missing crucial pieces of information. Why was I never all-knowledgeable where it counted?

I huffed to myself, and sat back in my seat, whiling away the time with puzzles I devised in my own head. It was boring, knowing the answers.

I pulled some books from the bag that I had packed, but, of course, I had either read them a hundred times, or finished them within seconds. Mine was a mind-numbingly dull life. Even though my students were grating, I was glad for the unpredictability they brought to the table.

That reminded me of something I had to do. I pulled out my mobile computer, and decided to go to work on my history book. Writing informational non-fiction texts was a therapeutic experience. I can't imagine what it would be like to have to explain everything to everyone every time they didn't know what was going on, and so books became my favourite method of informational dissemination.

I worked for another five hours on it, (I could've cut down the time with a direct upload from my Stone, but I had time to kill,) and finally closed the seven gigabyte text file. That was going to be hell to reformat.

Again, I was without anything to do. If I actually had the mind and physiology of the human form I emulated, I’m sure I could've imagined something crude to waste my time with. Oh, bother. Really, this long, and nothing had gone wrong? Honestly, this was a new record for me.

Another five hours passed. I was only another two hours from my destination. My hair was tousled, and my suit was in disarray. Oh, this was horrible. I had read the books another ten times each, and I wish I had enough restraint to spread them out for long enough. In a moment of foolish humanity, I said to myself, “I should've brought porn.” I regretted this, of course.

Finally, my destination arrived. The ship slowed to a halt, and fell out of hyper-luminal space. I gazed out the viewscreen, and saw the desolate planet beneath me. 

Ravaged by Chaos and his new spawn, Earth 693 was all ablaze. I had left it alone too long, and hoped that Chaos would be a decent person for once. I was foolish, it seemed.

Beneath, cities burned and coasts were flooded and rivers were dried. This had become Chaos’ playground, and the humans were just dolls for him to tear apart and piece back together, but he always got bored once he had ripped the heads off. 

I fell through the atmosphere, and landed on the top of a broken, but unablazed building in the middle of a shattered city. I stepped out, and breathed in the smoke-filled air. I nearly choked on it, before remembering I didn't actually have lungs. Assuming human form was incredibly deceptive to the mind.

Not wasting any time, a truly rare occasion for myself, I jumped from the rooftop to the cement, landing gracefully on my feet. I was quiet, but a thud could still be heard. I ducked back into the building, and shoved aside office equipment to peer out the darkened window. No patrols of minions or monsters had arrived yet, but I was certain they would come.

I ventured back out into the street, quietly zipping from building to building, in hopes I might hear someone speak. Whether I wanted to meet the speaker was a different matter altogether.

Then, sound. In the vast void of the empty streets, a song played. A throbbing, threatening series of chords, played from an invisible electric guitar. I gazed out the window, and the owner of the sound became visible.

A red Guardian pretender, wreathed in burning faces that ran up and down his armour. Another one of Chaos’ creations, I thought, as nothing about it had any subtlety to it. Its mouth was split like a Halfguard's jaw, but dark human skin was visible, and behind it pale yellow human teeth. This wasn't just a construct like the ones he favoured. This was, again like the Halfguard and the pretenders that attacked my students before, a living person warped by my brother's trickery.

The music it produced, I figured, was a product of the Stones of Sound, being warped into another element and into  creating the shape of a monster around this man.

I became too focused on the creature that I failed to keep my balance. My foot faltered, and slid out from beneath me. “Shit!” I cried, as I clattered to the ground. Well, there go any surprise tactics. The music quietened, and the beast hissed loudly.

Then, it cackled. “We found one, boys! Come on down, Fuko!” I heard a whopping thud, and another cruel laugh.

“Is it the Light kid?” a new voice said.

“Better,” the first one said, “I think we caught the old man's brother.”

I shot to my feet, and readied my spear. “Not yet you haven't,” I corrected them. I quickly realized I was far out of my depth. “Oh, bollocks.” Both specimens were flaring with elemental energy, the new one in green hunched over hungrily.

“You sure, uncle?” the red one asked. His blazing form expanded, and a burning facade came close to blinding me.

“Uh,” I reconsidered, “maybe not.” I rushed out to the back door, but a blast of heat from the red creature stung my back, taking away my balance again. I fell to the floor, and the green one pounced. It pinned me down with all four limbs, and its face descended to meet mine.

Its mask slid away, to reveal a corpselike, purplish face. “Give your nephew a kiss.” Acid spit dripped from his mouth, and I had to decline. I sliced a gash through its arm, and it fell back in shock and pain.

“Another time, kiddo,” I said, getting to my feet, and speeding out the back. I slammed the fire door behind me, not missing the irony, and dashed out into the alley, hoping to confuse them. I hurried up a fire escape, and saw the goons run past me, and into the building. I jumped back to the ground, into the building again, and then up a flight of stairs.

I had outrun them, I thought. Just to make sure, I went up another few flights. I arrived at this office’s highest level, marked with front-facing windows, and a lack of upward stairs. Now able to relax, I sat down in an office chair, which spun as I fell into it. 

“Oh, sweet relief,” I decreed. Then, a curious sound caught my ear. I whipped out my spear again, careful not to let my guard down, and searched for the source.

“Who's there?” I asked the room. 

From behind a pile of papers, broken chairs and refuse, a frail little girl emerged. Her hair was golden-white, her eyes much the same. Slowly, her head poked up from behind the pile.

“I’m Jane,” she introduced herself, “Jane Clarence.”

I came slowly closer, as not to frighten her. “My name is Aharon Solomon,” I said, extending a hand, “if you are who I think you are, then I'm here to rescue you.”


	14. Ajay- Mistakes Were Made

It had been a long day of planning, (feat. a somewhat frightening mind conversation with Solomon,) but we thought we had finally thought of every contingency. Underwater base? Crack the glass, and portal into the ditch outside. Volcano hideout? Torch it, and run for the hills. Satellite ready to bombard the earth with weapons of mass destruction? Aim for Mars, then haul ass. The contingency we forgot, of course, was that we were only alien, and needed to sleep. It was past ten by the time we had figured everything out, and it was probably not the brightest idea to attack an evil lair without a good night's sleep.

I had prepared a blanket wrap for Drannis in my bedroom, so that the three of us could make sure each other was safe. I pulled up a final blanket and a pillow, and handed them to her.

“Here you go,” I said, “your own little cocoon.”

“Thanks,” she said, taking them from me, “is there anything else I should do before I go to bed? Are there any customs or rituals I should do before I sleep?”

I handed her an eye mask. “Maybe wear this. Sometimes I start to glow when I'm asleep.”

She looked a bit concerned, but took the mask. She sat down on the pile of blankets, and asked, “Do you think your parents will mind me being here? Earth still has some gender segregation, right?”

“Not here,” I said, chuckling a little, “they're more concerned about me being in here with Ian. They're hard asleep, anyways. Not much can wake them unless it's a slap to the face.”

“Where is Ian, again?” she inquired.

“Just up in the kitchen,” I said, getting into bed myself, “he’s just getting water, I think.”

We both got ourselves tucked in, and there was silence for a good while. Then, Drannis asked another question in a long line of them. “Ajay, didn't… didn't a few of you die, on your first mission?”

I frowned. This wasn't something I wanted to answer. “Who told you that?”

“I heard some stories,” she answered, “back on my home world. They said that a lot of Guardians died trying to stop Ombracion. One of them was on your team, wasn't he?”

I sighed loudly. “Two of us died. Julienne, and her boyfriend, Gordon. Julienne was shot through the spine by Lena, but Chaos was the one who killed her, I think. And Gordon… Gordon sacrificed himself to save Ian. It sucked.”

I could tell she was unnerved by this. “Ajay, do you think… do you think we're going to die?”

Why was I the one who had to answer these questions? “Nah, man,” I said casually, “I'm sure we'll be fine. Five out of seven is a good success rate. And even if one of us dies, it's probably Ian, and he can pretty easily bounce back from it.”

“He what?” she asked. Yeah, maybe I should've qualified that better.

“Doesn't matter,” I dismissed, “point is, we can take a hit or two. Or at least Ian can. He's good like that.”

Another few silent minutes passed, then, something thudded upstairs. Probably nothing, but it couldn't hurt to investigate. I reluctantly got out of bed, and went upstairs to check on Ian. 

“You okay, man?” I called for him. No response. A light was on in the kitchen, and I crept over to it. Ian was standing, hunched over the sink, trying to get it to run.

He turned quickly and nervously towards me. “Oh, uh, hey, hope I didn't wake you guys or nothin’.”

“No, I just, I heard a thud,” I said, “what was that? Did you drop something? It sounded pretty big.”

“Oh? Yeah, just a pork loin, nothing to worry about it,” he said, avoiding my eyes. He wasn't being honest, I felt.

“Are you trying to hide something from me?” I asked, trying to peek around him.

“No, nothing,” he said unconvincingly. I pushed him aside, and saw, in the sink, a steak knife, covered in blood, some of it poorly rubbed off.

I picked it up, and demanded, “What the hell is this about?!”

He looked even more anxious than before. “Listen, I'm, I'm sorry, I just-” He stopped there, and hung his head. On the floor, where I presumed the sound had emanated from, was a pool of blood.

“I’ll ask again,” I said, furious with him, “what. The hell. Happened?”

He clenched his teeth, and refused to say a word. I noticed on his sleeve, a trail of blood. I grabbed his arm, and held it up. “What is this?”

He put his other hand to his forehead, running it through his hair. “I'm so sorry man, I just, I- it gives me some time to think. I- I just have so much stress put on me, and it-”

“What is  _ it _ ,” I asked sternly, “tell me, in plain English, what the hell you were doing here.”

“I was- I-” he stuttered, “I was killing myself.” I slapped him across the cheek.

“What. The FUCK?!” I shouted. “You promised me, after the hell I went through, that you wouldn't try and pull that shit again. What the hell happened to that, huh?” I held up the pendant he had given me just this Christmas. “What the hell does this mean to you now, huh? What do I mean to you?”

“You are missing the point,” he said, gesturing carefully, his voice cracking just a little, “I just do this because I need a break every now and then.”

“ _ Every now and then?! _ ” I was livid. “How long have you done this for, huh?”

“I don't know,” he said, “I just forgot-”

“You forgot,” I accused him, “forgot how long you've been fucking  _ killing yourself?  _ That's not a thing people usually forget!”

“That was the wrong explanation,” he regretted, “what I meant to say was-”

“Give yourself a minute,” I said, prodding him angrily, “get your fucking story straight, and then come talk to me.” I stormed out and downstairs, sitting on the living room couch. I pounded the couch with rage, and noticed that my hands were hot, and burning. I put out the flame, but scraped my nails across my face, still coming to terms with his bullshit.

He came down, a cup of water in his hands, and sat down beside me. “So…”

I raised an eyebrow. “So.”

He put the glass down, and fretted with his hands for a moment. “Listen, man, I’m- I’m really sorry about all this.”

“You should be,” I sniped, “that’s not something you can really be not sorry about, y’know, if you care about the people around you.”

“I do care about the people around me,” he said, “that’s the thing. When Gordon… when he… when he sacrificed, himself, for me, and I found out that it wouldn’t have mattered either way, that… that fucking sucked. He killed himself, for nothing, and I was to blame.”

“Damn right you were,” I snapped, “you didn’t just try and throw away his sacrifice one time, no, you kept fucking doing it!”

He frowned at me, close to tears. “That’s not what I was doing.”

“Then what were you doing, huh?”

“I was punishing myself,” he explained, “because so many people died because I didn’t. I figured that, if I can’t die, I could at least try and pay them back for it.”

“Alright,” I said, still seething, but a bit more civil than before, “then what do you say to the promise you made me?”

“I say… I’m sorry.”

There was a long quiet. 

“Okay,” I said, “but this is going to take some time to forgive.”

“Maybe I can speed it up,” he said, taking his iPod out of his pocket. He swiped inelegantly for a few seconds, and a quiet song played, and he sang along.

_ “I might not be perfect, but, hell if I haven’t tried. _

_ “I might not be perfect, just, count the times I’ve died. _

_ “You know for sure I’m not too bright, and, not too sure I live in light, but, _

_ “Hell if I haven’t tried, oh, hell if I haven’t tried. _

_ “All you need to do, is, count the times I’ve died, oh, count the times I’ve died. _

_ “And out of all of the pain I’ve brought, _

_ “I’m hoping there’s some good I’ve wrought, _

_ “I might not be perfect, but I hope I’m, close enough for you. _

_ “Close enough for you, _

_ “Hope I could be good enough, kind enough, _

_ “Close enough for you, _

_ “Close enough for you.” _

If I wasn’t so mad at him, I would’ve kissed him. Turns out, I wasn’t so mad at him. “Come here, you big idiot.” I pressed my lips against his, and felt our tears on my lip as they fell. A door creaked open, but we didn’t bother to part ourselves.

“Are you guys okay?” Drannis asked, “I heard emotional singing.”

I pulled away from him. “We’re okay.” I turned to scold Ian, “For now.” His brow furrowed, but he smiled kindly at me.

“Yeah, just being angsty,” he joked. 

I gave him another peck on the cheek. “Fuck you. Let’s go back to bed.” We shuffled into the bedroom, but I barred Ian from entry. 

“No, no, no,” I denied him, “you’re staying on the couch. Sappy songs help, but not that much.”

“That’s fair,” he said, “I guess I’ll just be a fucking edgelord out here then. Goodnight, space boyfriend.”

“Goodnight, space boyfriend,” I told him, and closed the door.


	15. Interlude- People Die When They Are Killed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be aware: I know jack shit about Japanese politics. Carry on.

Japanese politics are a dangerous game to play. The cultural power and influence of the country meant that every piece of history was important, and that everything was required to flow smoothly, so as not to upset the balance.

The House of Diet was the focal point of these politics. Inside, councillors debated ceaselessly about whether to go through with a trade deal, or if the Koreans were to be trusted. The angry councillors shouted at each other from either side of the room, refusing to clear up or elaborate on their own points.

“- And senator Sato is denying any collaboration,” one councillor argued, in Japanese, “if we want to keep our country safe, we-”

A forceful series of bangs went off in the hall outside of the cabinet room. Suddenly, they stopped, the senators and the sounds alike. Then, the great wooden entrance burst open, and a man in a white suit and mask stepped in. The mask depicted an older man with white hair and beard, and was instantly recognizable to the councillors. He was flanked by two companions, in blue and pale green armour respectively.

The man in white tore the mask off, and greeted the house cheerfully. “Merry Christmas!” Chaos sung, twirling pistols in his hands, taking out a pair of security guards that were standing by the door. “Oh, I've always wanted to make that joke!”

Xander rolled his eyes under his mask. “Idiot,” he insulted Chaos. 

“Quiet, boy,” Chaos corrected him, “or else you won't get your chicken nuggets.”

Xander rolled his eyes harder, and Chaos resumed his tyrade.

“So, senators,” he said, “I realize most of you don't speak English, but I am sure my message will break the barriers of language!” Chaos shot at the Prime Minister at the other end of the room, and he fell against his seat. The house was now filled with screams, and senators shoved each other away to get out of their seats.

“Oh, well, that's not very nice,” Chaos said, disappointed, “I was just getting started. Unrelated, but did any of you know that Russians are very dubious of letters written in the blood of their president that allow the holder to use nuclear weapons? Weird, right? Well, now that that's out of the way, do any of you have any weapons of mass destruction I could borrow? I need them for a school project.”

A councillor fell from his seat, and and found himself at Chaos’ mercy.

“You, do you have any nukes?” Chaos said, holding the councillor up. The councillor punched him in the face. “Well, that's not polite at all,” he frowned, “honestly, I would have hoped the Japanese would be more welcoming to people who come to destroy their country. At least a bit more cooperative than the Russians.” He speared the councillor through the chest with his rapier, and tossed him aside.

“I'll ask again,” Chaos said, now somewhat serious, “where's the explodey things?”

There was no response from the cabinet. “Alright, then,” Chaos resigned, “you leave me with no choice. Thonur, do your thing!”

The silent blue companion stepped forward, and outstretched his hand. Furious bolts of blue lightning shot forth from his palms, cauterizing the senators. 

“Hm,” Chaos mused, “not as flashy as I was expecting. We'll have to work on that, but it'll do for now, I suppose. Come, now, we have a cultural powerhouse to mangle!”

He swept out with Thonur behind him, but Xander paused for a moment to observe the wreckage. The charred bodies were nothing new, but something inside him felt… afraid. He felt like this was not something he was supposed to be doing. It was… wrong. These weren't just hunks of meat, like he had always thought of people, they had been alive just seconds ago, executed by someone who no longer could feel for them. They were innocent. But then, if they knew who he was,  _ what _ he was, they surely would have resigned him to the same fate. Wouldn't they?

Chaos called for him, and Xander came. He wasn't looking forward to this.


	16. Alex- Me, Myself, and FBI

“Turn,” the bored officer instructed. I was lined up against a wall, having mugshots taken, and about to be locked up. I was tapping my foot anxiously, and he took notice.

“Hey, lady,” the officer chided, “quit it with the foot.”

“I can't,” I said, “nervous tick.”

“Just cut it out for a few minutes,” he reiterated, “and then you can go. To your cell.” Oh, this was bad, this was very very bad. I couldn't go to jail, I had to look after-

“My kids,” I said, forgetting my age, “I need to find my kids. I left them at the hospital, and, and I-"

“And I'm not buying it,” he said, taking a final picture, “and if you have kids this young, girlie, you don't deserve to keep ‘em. Tomlinson, take her away.” The other, more official looking policeman beside him stood up from his chair, and put cuffs around my wrists. He walked me out of the room, and into the hallway to the holding cell.

He decided to start a conversation. “So, you got kids, huh? How old are they?”

I had to say something, so I said, “Three and four. A boy and a girl.”

“How old are you, anyways?” he asked. This time, I answered truthfully.

“Eighteen,” I said, “it kicked up a lot of dirt in high school.”

“I can understand why,” he said solemnly. There was a pause, and he spoke again. “Got in a bit of trouble for something similar way back when. Last year of high school, my girl, she, uh, she got knocked up and whatnot. Didn't look so good when she popped out twins, neither.”

I frowned. “What happened to them?”

He frowned as well. “One of the poor suckers died in his first year. The other, she didn't make it past eight.”

“And your girlfriend?”

“... She killed 'erself when number two died. Couldn't take it. Guess it's my goof, then. Didn't bother to check up on 'er after hearing she had em.” We arrived at my cell. He unlocked it, and directed me inside.

“If it's any consolation,” he said sadly, “I wouldn't be locking you up in here, if it was my idea. They didn't even catch you really doing nothin’.”

He walked away, but something fell from his hand as he left the room. The silver key that he had used to lock me in was on the floor, ripe for the taking. Ripe, but on the highest branch. I isolated a chunk of the stone floor, and took the key up with it. Balanced precariously on the chunk of rock, the key floated towards me.

It smacked against the bars, and I grabbed the silver key as it fell. I wish hadn't had to force false sympathy out of him, but I was really only half-lying to begin with, so I didn't feel too bad about it. At any rate, I was so grateful to him. I shoved the key into the lock, and turned. The door came open, and I rushed out.

I turned on my armour just in case (being even tanned in America in the eighties was a surefire way to get the attention of the police), and hurried out of the station.

“Hey, we got a runner!” an officer exclaimed. He pulled out a gun, but I took out my guardstaff, and created my own riot shield. The bullets cracked against the elemental barrier, and I pushed past him. I crashed through the office, and broke down the door on the way out. I felt sorry for whoever had to clean this place up, hoped Tomlinson wouldn't get blamed for this all, and ran back into the streets. 

Now, all I needed was to find my surrogate stoner son and maniac surrogate daughter. In Vegas. Alone. With the police on my ass. Great. Happy beeps, Alex, happy beeps. 

I removed my armour, and looked to see if there was any cash lying around. Because it was Vegas, and everyone here had already lost enough money to keep track of what they had, there was none to be found. Then, I remembered a trick that Solomon had told us never to do. Seems like a good idea, dunnit?

A car, window down, big enough for five, was just sitting there. Oh, boy. This was going to get me some shit for sure.

I stuck my hand through the window,  unlocked the door, and slid into the seat. I slipped my guardstaff between the wheel and the dashboard, and created a key for the vehicle. 

“Alright,” I said, readying my limited knowledge of vehicular technology, “let's see what this baby can really do.” I turned the key, pushed my foot on the pedal, hoped, and prayed.

The car chugged to life, and I slowly pulled out of the parking spot. Oh hell oh hell oh hell I have no idea what I'm doing someone please send help I am going to die at the hand of my own ignorance.

“Okay, okay,” I said, trying to calm myself down, “it's just like driving a spaceship, and I think I'm the first person ever to make that comparison. Good times.” I pushed down harder on the gas pedal, had a small panic attack, and sped up to the proper speed. 

Okay, now I just need to figure out where the spaceship crashed. Without a map. Or experience. I needed to chill, and I needed to figure out which of those numbskulls needed my help first.

Nick, as long as he could find clothes and not draw attention to himself, would be able to fit in well enough here. I doubted Mos Eisley would pose a threat to him. Lena, on the other hand, was likely to kill everyone in a ten-mile radius, and eat the bodies. Yeah, I was going to get her first.

I maneuvered through the city, and, after seventeen near-crashes, found my way back to where I came in. I turned off the road, and loosely followed the tracks Nick and I had left. Then, I noticed more tracks. Not just footprints, but tire tracks. Oh, hell.

I pushed the car faster, even more anxious to get to the ship than before. On the horizon, I saw black trucks. “Oh, hell,” I swore quietly. I pulled up to the site, and got out of the car.

Men in black suits were swarming around the fallen vessel, furiously measuring and taking pictures. One of them came up to me.

“Hey, kid,” he shouted, “you're not allowed here!”

Without realizing it was a stupid thing to say for a myriad of reasons, I exclaimed, “That's my ship!”

Even though his sunglasses masked his expression, I could tell he was somewhere between being shocked and incredulous. “Listen, kid,” he said, tapping his clipboard with a pen, “that's a secret government vehicle. You can't tell me, in good conscience, that it's yours.”

“Oh, bullshit,” I corrected him, ready to crack him upside the head, “how could it be? I crashed it! Listen, my friend is in there, and if you keep banging on it, she's going to break out, and beat the shit out of all of you.”

“Kid, you're crazy,” he said, confidently lying out of his ass, “that ship was piloted by Colonel John Grant, there's no way-” I punched him in the face. Oh, that was a mistake. Why was I such a juvenile delinquent today?

A troupe of the other men in suits quickly turned their attention to me, drawing weapons. In another act of foolishness in a long string of them, I said, pointing to the guy on the ground, “He did it.”

A man with big hair and medium-dark skin stepped forward. He took off his sunglasses, and shot me a look. “Sure, kid, and I'm Darth Vader. Someone get cuffs on her, and take her back to base.”

As he finished saying that, a whole squad of police cars came up behind me. I couldn't tell if it was the best timing or the worst timing, but there sure was some cue they hit. 

An officer stepped out, and announced through a bullhorn, “Please remain still! You are under arrest for the-” he put the horn down, and pointed to the ship, “what the hell is that thing?”

The guy with the big hair rolled his eyes. “Great. Now we have even more deaths to cover up. Ugh, just shoot them.”

Then, because nobody around here can get a moment's pause, there was banging from inside the ship. Uh oh.

“Oh, now what,” big hair guy said. He turned around, and a chunk of metal flew off and smacked him in the face. We had a breakout on our hands.


	17. Alex- We Don't Have Time For This

Big hair guy fell to the floor, his head bleeding profusely. He turned around, and saw what was either my salvation or his doom, possibly both.

“Which… of you FUCKERS-!” Lena exclaimed, as she punched more holes in the door with her giant pink arm, “LOCKED ME IN!”

“Him,” I said unwaveringly, pointing at big hair guy.

“Shoot her!” he exclaimed. The agents and police readied their guns at Lena, but very clearly misjudged her level of instability.

“Alright, fuckers,” she said, cracking her neck, “let’s make it a party.” Her arm shot out to the left, taking out a good five or six highly-trained government agents. The men on the other side began to fire at her, but her arm shaped into a shield to match them, then a produced a barrage of projectile knives. It snapped into the form of a machine gun, and she cocked it.

“That the best you got?” she sneered. 

Knowing what was coming next, I ducked down to hair guy’s level, and said, “Hey, how’s your day going?”

Lena let fly a barrage of pink bullets, raining death and destruction down on the remaining officers. A series of loud thuds could be heard as they fell, and Lena screamed to the sky.

“ANYONE ELSE?!”

I stood up. “Lena, chill.” She screamed at me. “Again, I say, chill.” She pointed an accusing knife-hand at me, but didn't take any further action.

“This is Killian,” hair guy said into his walkie-talkie, “we got a SETI confirmed on our hands, we need backup here n-”

I swatted the communicator from his hand. “No. Bad.”

He scrambled to his feet, and ran to a truck, and made his getaway.

“COME BACK HERE, HORSE FUCKER!” Lena called for him.

“That's enough,” I said, stepping towards her. “We've already got enough feds on our asses. We need to go find Nick, now, okay.”

For once in her life, her expression changed. She gawked at me, and asked, “Why the fuck?”

“Because he's an idiot who can't be left alone,” I told her, “now get in the car and let's go.” She grumbled at me, and trudged to the car, entering on the driver's side.

“ _ Other _ side,” I corrected her. She muttered something insulting, and awkwardly slid over the stick shift and dashboard into the passenger's seat. “Thank you.”

I sat down, and slipped the guardstaff in, and the car puttered around in a circle back towards the city. Lena spent the trip angstily spinning in her seat, arms crossed and uprightness optional.

“That's unsafe,” I told her.

“I'm unsafe,” she said, her voice muffled by the dashboard she had hidden under. She turned right-side-up, and asked, “Can't I just shoot at a few of them? I mean, they deserve it. Just look at them!” She pointed angrily at the patrons of the city.

“No,” I said, “you did enough shooting with those government guys. Take a break from the gun, little miss.”

She looked like she was about to throttle me. “And put away your arm,” I told her, “you're going to draw more attention than we need.”

She threatened me with a knife-arm, and I grabbed her at the wrist, shattering the crystal pink construct. “No stabbing. Murder is bad.”

“That's what you think,” she grumbled, returning to her spot under the dash. I rolled my eyes, and kept moving. I was bound to find that little green idiot sometime. Just need to look for a crowd of inordinately drunk and/or high clubgoers. That should be easy.

“Maybe we should get out and walk,” I suggested, “a stolen car probably isn't the best thing to be running away in.” I parked the car on the side of the road, not paying the meter because I didn't care if it got towed, and stepped out into the street.

Immediately, we attracted unwanted attention. A man in a crumb-covered suit walked in our direction, getting uncomfortably close to Lena's missing arm.

“Hey, lady,” he said, slurring his words, “looks like you're missing an arm. Want to borrow mine?”

“Sure,” she said, turning to face him. She grabbed him with her remaining arm, and grabbed his, spinning it around forcefully, snapping it at the shoulder, having gone full circle. He screamed in pain, and the arm fell limp at his side. “You can have it back now,” she said to him, and continued to walk with me.

“That was uncalled for,” I chided her.

“It was self defense,” she argued, head held high.

“I'm not sure that really counts,” I argued back, “but just don't do it again.” Right on cue, another guy, this time in a hideous green sweater, whistled at her.

“Don't,” I warned her.

“I won't snap his arm,” she said unconvincingly. As we walked in his direction, his pestering became more persistent. Lena's arm briefly shot out, and stabbed his leg, so that it was hanging by a thread of meat. He screamed even harder than the other guy.

I gave her a slap on the cheek, knowing I was the only person who could do that and survive, and told her, “You quit that right now, or you're going back to the ship.”

“You're not my real mom,” she groaned.

“And  _ you're _ an alien,” I returned, “so hush up and stop stabbing people, or I turn you over to the CIA.”

She crossed her… arm, somehow, and we kept on walking. There were a few more incidents of guys being asshats, but I kept my hand firmly clasped around Lena's shoulder, preventing any further mutilations. We poked our heads into a few clubs, but there was somehow no sign of Nick at all. I knew for a fact that idiot wouldn't be at the hospital, so a place where people were almost always high off their asses would be a perfect place for him to hide.

“I want to go gambling,” Lena announced.

“First of all, we don't have any money,” I informed her, “secondly, you're too young, and third,  _ why? _ ”

“I want to get angry at people,” she said, already angry enough, “I want something to blame for the murders.”

“That's not a good reason,” I told her. Coincidentally and unfortunately, we were coming up on a casino. I couldn't hold on to her, and she pushed past guests into the building. “Oh, son of a bitch,” I swore, running in after her.

The golden-green atmosphere of the establishment burned itself into my eyes as I entered. Loud, bright machines manned by eager customers with thousand dollar bills to burn. I looked around for Lena, but she was nowhere to be seen. I was a terrible parent.

“Why was I given the hide-and-seek mission?” I asked myself. I frantically scanned the building, running up and down the aisles of machines, finding no trace of her or her murderous escapade that was surely to follow. Then, a loud shout. Found her.

I followed my ears to the source, and, surely enough, she was screaming at a machine that wouldn't accept her magic arm. I pulled her away, and told her, “No. Stop that. We need to find Nick, okay?”

She pointed her actual arm towards something at the end of the casino, and said, “I think I got ‘em.”

“What the hell are you-” I questioned, and then followed her aim to its conclusion. At the end of the hall, standing on the stage, drawing a massive crowd, singing and dancing wildly, half naked in green underpants, with an equally wild and half-naked woman, was Nick.

“Oh, son of a bitch!”


	18. Alex- What the Hap is Fuckening

“What the  _ hell _ is he doing?!” I shouted over the noise of the casino and his crowd. This idiot. This fucking idiot. Oh, why did I have to keep him safe?

“Should I shoot him?” Lena asked, aiming her arm.

I slapped it away. “No! No shooting! We know how well that worked last time. Let’s approach this calmly.” I shoved past everyone in the way, and up to the stage.

“NIKOLAS FUMPERDINK!” I shouted at him, breaking whatever concentration he had mustered to focus on his partner.

Concernedly, he looked my way. “Oh, uh, hey, Alex. What’re- what’re you doing here?”

“That is  _ entirely _ unimportant,” I scolded him, “what the hell are you doing?!”

“He’s putting on a show,” said his dark-skinned partner, smiling and dancing closer to him, “and making good money off of it.”

“You’re  _ what?” _ I snapped.

“Uh, um, I-” he stammered.

“Come on, Nick,” his partner said, “what do you need them for?” She stroked the underside of his chin with her finger, and it danced on his lips.

I grabbed him by the hand, and pulled him off the stage. “You are  _ eighteen!” _ I scolded, “You are coming with us to find the other guardians, or so help me I will  _ smite you!” _

He slipped into an expression of fear, which felt like it was in the uncanny valley for him, and flustered with his words some more. “But I’m- it’s money!”

I slapped him on the cheek. “You are going to get your clothes, and you are coming with us!” He sighed, and stepped back on stage.

“Sorry folks,” he apologized to the confused crowd, “my  _ mom _ is all up on my ass about this.”

“I’d love to be all up on your ass!” someone in the crowd declared. Nick aimed finger guns at them, before walking backstage. I was legitimately ready to shoot his head full of rocks.

Because there can be no moment of rest, the front door cracked open, and a swarm of soldiers surged into the building.

“Oh, shit,” I swore, looking at the black-armoured troops. I was having a hard time not seeing them as Halfguard. The patrons were shoved aside, and the agents forced them to floor. I stepped up onto the stage, hands up, and hoped that Lena and the dancing girl would do the same.

The big hair guy came up to the stage, his face scabbed and scarred, and greeted the girl. “Absinthe,” he said, “aiding and abetting criminals again?”

“Of course not, mister Killian,” she said, smiling slyly at him, “you know I only ever go for drug trafficking and above.”

“Absinthe, if you keep doing this-” he began.

“I know, I know,” she said, “big grey is going to be upset. But hey, I found your prey for you, didn’t I? Don’t you think you should at least reward your little niece with something?” She came uncomfortably close to him, but he just stared sternly down at her.

“You and your little troupe are coming with me,” he said, “you knew too much about our operations before this.”

“And you knew too much about mine,” she argued, “and you still haven’t done anything about them. And besides-” she whispered something into his ear, “at least get our story straight.”

“Well, keep me informed about what our story is,” he said, not trying to hide anything, “your guys are a bit too much of a mess for my guys.”

“At least let me go loose,” she said, writhing in lustful agony, “I’ve got a whole crowd gathered, I don’t want them to go to waste.”

“Not now,” Killain argued, “we have guests.”

“But I wanna!” she whined, stamping her foot.

“No!” he fathered, “Now get the green kid, and let’s go.” He stomped off the stage with her, and a few soldiers shuffled up, and laid cuffs around my wrists, and taped Lena’s arm to her thigh, and her guardstaff stump closed.

“Oh, I am going to strangle these people,” she seethed, “I don’t need two hands to fucking deck these assholes.”

“Don’t,” I warned her, “if all goes well, we can make it out of this alive.”

Nick came out in a bathrobe, dazed and confused. “What in the hell…?” he pondered.

“Don’t ask,” I said, “we don’t know either.” The agents slipped cuffs on him, and escorted us out of the building. As the doors closed, there were terrified screams, and a roar of some giant beast. I squirmed in the soldiers’ grasp, and saw another one of the skinwalker creatures looming over the crowd. The remaining soldiers fired a barrage of bullets, then an explosive went off.

“NO!” I cried, but the soldiers just kept shunting me away. They pushed the three of us into the back of a government-funded truck, and shut the doors on us all. There were no lights, and it was, respectively, pitch dark. 

“That could’ve gone better,” I mused.

“No shit, Shylock,” Lena snapped.

“I- what does Shylock have to do with this?” I questioned her.

“Fuck you,” she replied. 

Nick lit a cigarette, which briefly lit up the room. “Check it out man, I’m smoking weed in space.”

“Where the hell were you keeping that?” I asked.

“I have no fucking clue, dude,” he said.

“And put that out,” I scorned him, “you’ve pulled enough shit today, we don’t need you stinking up the place like that.” He put it away, but his barrage of ridiculousness didn’t cease.

“Hey, guys,” he said, laughing, “I got my dick out! Hahaaaaa!”

I rolled my eyes. “Put it away.”

“Nah, man, you can’t make me,” he said impudently.

“I can,” Lena said, standing up. There was a hard THWACK! and a scream. 

“OH WHAT THE HELL!” he screamed, “OH, WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!”

“Shut the hell up, fuckface,” she slandered him. This was going to be a long trip.

  
  
  


Another painful half hour later (it felt like a whole week, mediating those two in there), and the agents opened the door. Nick, it appeared, still had not bothered to put his pants back on, and he scrambled to cover himself.

“YA!” he screeched. I rolled my eyes, and looked away, but the government men didn’t give him such courtesy. They forced all of us out of the truck, and we were now inside a sleek, laboratory-like hangar, with dozens of similar black trucks were crammed in in neat, clean rows, but there was no distinct exit big enough for a vehicle that size to enter through.

Squads of government men strode around the facility, operating unmarked machines and occasionally getting in one of the trucks. Our escorts, headed by big hair guy Killian and his weird niece Absinthe. They guided us down a similarly clinical hallway, and shoved us into another room.

Six tiny cells with glass doors were split along the two sides of the room. Killain walked up to a console of some sort, and unlocked the doors. They slid aside, and the soldiers forced us in. 

We were each alone in our standing cells, and it was frighteningly quiet. I could hear the ringing in my ears louder than anything else. Killian bid the soldiers to leave him, and he argued with his niece for a minute or two.

I couldn’t make out any coherent thoughts, but I managed a few quotes from each of them.

“... You can’t be sum…” he scolded her.

“I do what I want, b…” she retorted.

He ran his hands through his hair. “Pull this ag… and Ch… is gonna whoop your ass back to the C…”

She stomped her foot, and slapped his cheek. She stormed out, but he lingered, feeling the mark she had left.

Except she hadn’t left a mark. Quite the opposite, in fact. The scars on his face had been healed.


	19. Solomon- The Last of the Light

“How long have you been here, Jane?” I asked the child.

“As long as they have,” she said, “I can’t remember how long. The clouds… they hide the days. I think they call themselves Demiguard, whatever that means. Do you know what they are?”

“This might come as a shock to you,” I warned, “but they are alien-life-forms, created by my brother.” She cowered in fear as I mentioned my sibling.

“You’re- you’re with Chaos?”

“No, of course not,” I said, “nobody’s ever really on his side, not even if he’s raised them. I’m probably the farthest person from him. So, tell me, what did he do to this planet?”

“I- I can’t remember,” she said, “there was… there was fire. So much fire… and the screaming… just for a few brief moments, there was so much screaming. And then… just laughter. His laughter. His laughter and the music of the Demiguard.”

This is a new feeling, I thought, asking someone else for information. “Tell me more about these Demiguard. Do they have names?”

She held up a paper, with a beautifully drawn image of one of them, almost perfect in detail. “This is Ravana,” she explained, “he controls fire, I think. He does this thing where he grows arms of fire, and it’s just really scary. He sounds like… I think it’s a guitar, something crunchy, anyways.” She held up another picture, of a blue Demiguard, this time.

“This is Thonur,” she elaborated, “he doesn’t talk much, and he doesn’t play music either. I never see him come or leave, he just sort of appears every now and then. He’s got lightning, I think.”

She showed me another few images of the Demiguard, explaining the emotionally confusing Venus, the rock-steady, acoustic Okeus, and the venom-spitting, “nightcore thing” Fuko, and the nameless Shadow wielder who erroneously carried a trombone wherever he went.

“So, Jane,” I said, “thank you very much for telling me all of this, but now I have something I need to tell you.” 

“What is it?”

“Jane, you are… unique,” I said gently, “but not in the way most people are. You are, in many ways, one of the most different people alive.”

She crawled closer. “What do you mean?”

“Jane,” I told her, “you are a Guardian, a being empowered with an Elemental Stone of power. Your parents, if they hadn’t told you, were not your real parents. I came from beyond the stars, and brought you to them as a baby, to preserve the element of Light. Jane, you are the last Guardian of Light.”

She looked even more shocked and afraid than before. “What… what? No, no, that’s- that doesn’t- that doesn’t make sense. I mean, we’re both huma-”

“Jane,” I said, “where do you think the Demiguard came from? They are not a thing that the human race could create if it tried.”

“My parents, they-”

“They raised you,” I said, “they might not be genetically related to you in the slightest, but they are still your parents. I am very sorry to tell you all of this, but there is another caveat: we need to leave this planet.”

“We nee- we need to what?”

“Chaos has ravaged this world,” I explained, “there is no reason to stay here. That, and you are needed for a greater purpose.”

“No!” she resisted, “This is my home, I'm not leaving!”

“I'm sorry Jane, but your home is gone. The universe needs you.” I extended my hand. “Please, trust me.”

“No, no I'm not going!” She cowered by the window, clutching her drawings close. “You can't make me!”

Then, a crash. The blue Demiguard Thonur shattered through the window into the office, and stared us down, his hands crackling with electricity.

“Jane, get down!” I cried. I held up my spear in defiance, and she hid behind the pile of papers. Thonur struck out at me, lashing my spear with electric whips. He pulled away, snatching it from my hands. He gripped the hilt, and the spear glowed blue. 

“That's unfortunate,” I remarked. He extended the spear, and swung at my legs. I jumped over them, and slid to the side to meet Jane. “Let's get out of here, shall we?”

I grabbed her by the waist, and pulled the pair of us out of the window. Reflexively, my armour activated, and hoped she would catch on. She screamed as she fell, but, unwittingly, her armour peeled on, reflecting a shiny gold. We crashed to the ground harmlessly, and tumbled off of each other. 

“What is- what's-” she stammered, “you tried to kill me!”

“I would argue I hoped to save you, expecting a margin of error, but that's not important,” I dismissed her. “Quickly, follow me!” I mentally traced a path back to the building I had landed on, and ran down it, Jane in tow.

“Where are we going?!” she asked anxiously.

“To my ship!” I shouted back, “all we need to do is get there, and we’re safe. Now hurry, there's not much ti-”

The ground before my split, and a mountainous pile of rock was raised from the concrete. I turned, and saw the titan Okeus standing behind us.

“Perfect,” I said, “caught between a rock and a hardcase. Jane, I'm going to need some blinding.”

“You what?!” She was now powerfully afraid. 

“Aim for his eyes, and shoot!” I commanded. She flailed her arms, and powerful blasts of energy shot from her arms. It hit Okeus in the eyes, and he reeled backwards, exclaiming in pain.

“Aaaaagh!!!” she screamed, “What the hell was that?!?!”

“Elemental Light!” I exclaim-explained, “Follow me up this rock!” I scaled the mountain, scrabbling at the stone surface. She followed quickly, and tumbled down the other side after me.

“Very good!” I praised her, “Keep moving!” We continued to rush down the street, and arrived at the building where I had landed the ship. “Now we just need to find a way up there.”

“It's on the roof?!”

“Of course, where else would you park a spaceship?!” I turned and asked her, “You wouldn't happen to have  _ wings _ , would you?”

She looked at me with an expression of confoundment. “What the  _ fuck _ are you talking about?!?!”

“That's a no, then,” I disregarded her, “guess we'll have to take the stairs.”

I went through the front door of the building, and started up the stairwell, when explosions sounded. “Oh, bollocks.” The building came crashing down, and I rushed back out, grabbing Jane, and shoving her to the ground with me.

The building fell into its own foundation, my ship falling down with it. This was an absolute disaster, I thought to myself, and I know it's going to get worse. 

And, of course, it did. More Demiguard flocked around us, bringing with them their threatening theme. Ravana stepped to the forefront.

“Well, well, well,” he scoffed, “look what we have here.” He knelt down to our eye level, and chuckled. “How are you, uncle? Had a nice day?”

I wanted to spit in his face, but, being noncorporeal, I couldn't muster any. “Drop dead, monster,” I substituted.

“I already have,” he gloated. The armour on his face peeled back, revealing a purple-black skinned face. He looked like he was rotting away, like a corpse whose grave had been exhumed for a murder trial. “Chaos gave me and my friends here the gift of second life in his service, and he offers you and your students the very same gift.”

“Tell my brother,” I seethed, “that I will never take any gift forged by his hands.”

“Oh, brother!” a new voice said, “How could be ever so cruel? Really, I'm starting to see the family resemblance.” Chaos came out from behind Ravana, another black Guardian behind him.

“Chaos,” I sneered, “I should've known you were here. I could smell your foul stench through the atmosphere.”

“Really? Stealing from Star Wars, now, are we?” he taunted.

“That was original!” I shouted back.

“Yes, sure it was,” he crooned, “like how the Force Awakens was  _ totally _ its own thing.”

“How do you know so much about Star Wars?!”

“I have a life!”

“No you don't, you’re a genocidal megalomaniac, that's entirely antithetical to being social!”

“I have free time between mass murders, okay?!” He huffed loudly.

“Would you two just  _ shut up _ and shoot each other already?” the black Guardian requested.

“Not now, Xander, daddy and uncle are talking,” he dismissed them. 

“So,” I said, “you're Xander, are you? Alpha told me about you.”

He frowned down at me. “What did they say?” he asked.

“I said shut up!” Chaos quieted him, “Honestly, kids these days. Well, I suppose he is right, I should get to shooting.” He pulled out his guardstaff, and a strikingly inelegant pistol emerged. “Any last words, brother?”

“Yes,” I said, “but I'm not entirely sure I should say them with children around.” I extended my will, and a telekinetic barrier expanded around Jane and myself, tossing Chaos and his minions into their surroundings.

“To the ship!” I instructed Jane. I pushed the rubble away with more small barriers, so that the door was now visible, and a viable entry point. Quickly, we scrambled into the vessel, and the door closed behind us.

I stood at the controls, and prepared for flight. “Brace yourself!” I throttled the ship upwards, shaking off the rubble, and ascending to the mesosphere. I sat back into a seat, content with my work. 

“What is this? Where are we?” Jane asked, fear continuing to build in her voice. 

“We are escaping,” I said, doing my best to calm her, “we are on our way to the Core of the Universe.”

“But I- my-” she stammered.

I put my hand on her leg. “Jane, everything will be fine.”

Something hit the ship. A surge of electrical energy shot through the vehicle, stinging my feet. The vessel's lights went out, and we were in darkness. 

“This is not fine!” she yelled.

“I noticed!” I responded at equal volume. “Get ready for a crash landing!”

“Crash landing?!” 

“It’s probably more of an actual crash, but it never hurts to think positively!” The ship was coming down into the troposphere, now. “New plan,” I said, “get your armour on, and hope you won't die!” I started praying, and she started screaming. The ship came rocketing to the earth, and cracked open as we crashed. In the brief moment before I collapsed into my Stone, I could see sunlight. There was some hope left, however little it was. Maybe. I could just be waxing poetic, but that's entirely besides the point.


	20. Solomon- Wait For Me

I reformed a few hours later. My new shape was mostly the same, but with some small details changed, I felt. My cheeks were a bit taller, and my nose a bit longer. My chin had also elongated slightly, at the expense of my beard shortening. I also noticed my skin had become the tiniest bit darker, oddly enough.

The light continued to pour through the crack in the ship, and I noticed that Jane had left the vessel. I stumbled to my feet, and climbed out of the crashed ship. This is going to be one hell of a situation to get out of, I thought. What mattered now, though, was finding Jane.

I stepped out onto the seemingly Calgarian plain, and saw Jane in the distance, sitting meditatively on a large rock. I came over, and asked her, “Jane, might I inquire as to what you are doing?”

“Waiting,” she answered, “my mom said that good things come to those who wait. I… I know that's not what she meant, but, but sometimes it helps to pretend. If I wait long enough, they might come back from the store.”

I frowned. “They've been gone a long time, haven't they?” She gave me no response, but her silence was telling. “Jane, how long have the Demiguard been here?”

“Since 2007,” she answered, “that's- I think that's two years, almost.” I was briefly disconcerted by this time period, but then I remembered: this Earth had been destroyed in Dark Omega's parade eleven years ago, only recently being reconstructed by Alpha, two years ago. I was lastingly concerted about her wellness, then.

“So,” I began, “is there anything else you would like me to tell you? I'm kind of lost without the ship, might as well find some way to keep ourselves entertained.”

She thought for a moment, and asked, “Are we going to die?”

I furrowed my brow, wondering if I should tell her the factual answer, or the answer that would not scare her away. I decided on neither. “I don't know,” I admitted falsely.

She chuckled mirthlessly. “You're not a great liar. I guess it's all just a matter of time, then. Everyone dies someday.”

I frowned. “I want to say something helpful, but, I don't think you need help at this point. Jane, in terms of death, there are some… outliers. Immortals. Of which, it seems, I am one.”

She looked back at me, inquisitively. “You can't die, is that it?”

“It seems that way,” I admitted, “but, once upon a time, there were more immortals like me. Like me, they were ancient beings from the beginning of time, created from the purest elements. But, they all gave up their immortality, so that they would not have to suffer losing their friends for too long. They had families, lived their lives, and then, one day, they died. It hurt for a long time. It still stings, sometimes.”

“... Why do you stick around, then?”

“Because,” I answered, “without me, so many more people will have to suffer that self-same pain. I protect life, and I teach how to protect it, and how to live it well. That is my purpose.”

“Are you supposed to teach me how to protect life, then?”

“I suppose so. Do you want to learn?”

She paused to think, and answered, “I think so, yes.”

  
  
  


I spent the next hour or two helping her hone her skills. She was already somewhat adept with hand-to-hand combat, and she was quickly able to manipulate light, changing the rock’s colours at will.

She began to open up to me, viewing me less as an alien come to abduct her, and more as teacher offering her experience. One problem, however, was that we were both without guardstaffs. This, however, was somewhat inconsequential to her teaching. She could use her powers to the extent that should fire a concentrated laser from her hands.

“Alright,” I said, aiming her arm, at the boulder, “just imagine the shot, and pull the trigger.”

She scrunched up her eyes, and a beam of light erupted from her fingertips. The rock exploded into smouldering pieces, shattering across the plain.

“Ha! I did it!” she announced, “I used my powers! Ha!”

I smiled with her, careful not correct her that this was not her first use of them. “Excellent,” I congratulated her, “I say you will make a fine adversary against-” Movement in the distance caught my eye. On a raised mound far away, Xander stood, watching us.

“Get back in the ship,” I instructed her, “go, now!”

“Why, what is it?”

“I said  _ go!” _ I readied myself, as he walked towards us. Jane obeyed my instructions, and hid inside the crashed vessel. Very quickly, Xander vanished into darkness, and reappeared before me. 

“Where are you hiding the girl?” he asked bluntly, “I saw her here just a moment ago. Where is she?”

I didn't answer. He took me by the collar of my suit, and insisted again, “WHERE IS SHE?!”

“Hiding,” I answered simply. He growled, and tossed me to the side. He stormed down into the ship, there were screams, and he returned with Jane, crying and kicking for freedom. He tossed her to the ground, too.

“Chaos wants you both,” he said, “he says you can either come willingly, or forcefully.”

“I have one condition,” I said.

“What is it, old man?” he said angrily.

“That you talk with me, first.”

“Alright,” he said, begrudgingly sitting down at our level, “let's talk.”

“Tell me, Xander,” I started, “what Chaos has offered you. I can't imagine you are doing this just out of the kindness of your heart.”

His hands briefly went to his legs. “He’s offered me a change. I do what he wants, he makes me into what I want.”

“So, what do you want to be, then?”

His mask peeled backwards off of his face, revealing the facade of a crown of Stones that still resided on his head. His cheeks were sliced open, and his face was torn between two identities: his, and Xaneeta's. “Whole,” he answered curtly.

I decided to change the subject. “How do you feel about what Chaos has done?”

“I don't,” he said, “I shove it somewhere I can forget about it. Besides, most of them had it coming, anyways.”

“But what about the ones that didn't?”

He had to think on that one. “They're guilty, too. Because they didn't act fast enough to take down the ones that had it coming, they had to wait for me to do it. Lazy bastards.”

“Have you considered,” I said, “that there are reasons that those people did what they did, and didn't do what they didn't?”

“Then they're the wrong reasons,” he dismissed, “they let people like me suffer. It's their own stupid faults.”

“Alright, then,” I said, standing up, “then I have one last question.”

“What?”

“I ask you, did you want to kill them?”

“... No.”

I nodded. “I see. Jane, come with me.”

“Solomon, I-” she tried to stop me.

“Come with me,” I insisted firmly, “maybe now we can at least get out of here peacefully.”

  
  
  


Xander escorted us back to the ruined city, where Chaos and his Demiguard were waiting. 

“Welcome back, brother!” Chaos greeted me.

“Chaos,” I regarded him, my nose upturned.

“Still on about that stench thing, are we?” he teased. “Well, you'll be glad to hear, then, that I will be taking a break from this… vacation planet, and taking a trip to the White House! I'm sure big orange will love having me around! Well, for as long as  _ he's  _ around, if you catch my drift.” He cackled to himself, and not even his Demiguard were entirely in on the joke. “I'm going to kill the president. That's the joke. Laugh!”

His creatures laughed out of fear, and Chaos was satisfied. “There we go! Thought I had lost my touch, for a second there.”

“You never had a touch, brother,” I said, sneering at him.

“And you never had a sense of humour,” he returned.

“I have a sense of humour,” I said, “you're just not the comedian. You're an unfinished joke, in need of a good  _ punchline. _ ”

“There's the family wit,” he said cheerfully, patting my cheek. I wanted to bite his hand off, but dismissed the thought, because his head would be a much more appropriate meal, even though it surely held the consistency of a light souffle. 

“I know I have it,” I spat, “so where are you keeping yours?”

“Would you  _ shut up?!” _ Xander insisted, “You're worse than my dad.”

“Thank, you, sweetie!” Chaos said. 

“Fuck off,” he retorted.

“Well,” Chaos said, standing adjacent to Xander, “we had best be going. Things to do, places to go, people to kill, and whatnot. Ta-ta!” He waved a miniature goodbye, and the pair of them fell into a shadow portal. We were now at the mercy of the Demiguard.

“What do we do now?” Jane asked, hiding behind me.

“Well, I would say, that we should wait,” I proposed, “and hopefully, good things will come.” Silently, I reached out with my mind, and connected with a friend back in the Core. Good things will come.


	21. Ajay- It Just Keeps Happening

“Is everyone ready?” I asked them. It was morning the next day, and we had packed up for our attack on Chaos’ lair.

“Unfortunately,” Ian said. I was still pissed at him, but I didn't like to see him downtrodden.

“I think I'm good,” Drannis said, “but do you think we need any food? I think having some bre-”

“Not again with the bread meals,” I stopped her, “I am not dealing with any more fucking bread meals. Let's just suit up, and portal the hell out of here.” We all activated our armour, and Drannis opened a portal on the floor.

“On my count,” I instructed, “three, two, on-”

“Wait,” Ian interrupted, “do we go on one or zero?”

I gave him a glare.

“One it is,” he agreed.

“Three,” I resumed, “two… one!” I leapt into the dark portal, and felt as the void enveloped me. It was brief, but unnerving. We popped back out on the other side, and into the holding cell. 

“Oka, time to bust down the door,” I said. Then, I realized. “We have no way to bust down the door, do we?”

“Uh, no,” Ian answered, “should I have brought like a hammer, or something?”

I rolled my eyes. “Get out your guardstaffs.” I summoned a fiery mallet, and whacked away at the stone door. Ian and Drannis joined in, slowly beating it to pieces. It cracked, and fell outwards. I stepped out, and into an empty stone-built house.

“Uh, do you think we got the right evil lair?” Ian asked. I looked around the building, but nobody was there. There were signs of recent occupation, but it was completely vacant.

“I'm not entirely sure we did,” I answered Ian. “Where the hell are we?” I discovered a door at the front, made of wood, with a few slats to let light in. I moved towards it, and stepped in a shallow puddle of blood. “Eugh,” I grunted, as I shook it off my foot. I pushed the door out, and saw a small grove of bright green trees. Summertime sun shone down on me, and knew that we sure as hell weren't in Nova Scotia anymore. 

“Where the hell are we?” I asked myself.

Drannis pushed past me, and fell into the green grass. She smiled happily, her black hair splayed out on the ground. “Guys, I think I love this planet. Look at all this sunlight!”

“You are one weird Shadow Guardian,” I noticed, smirking.

“Why?” she asked, propping herself up with her hands, “I get like, zero sun back home. This place is great! It's so warm!”

I chuckled again. “Well, soon, we need to find out where the hell we are. Hey, where's Ian?” I had neglected to notice that the purple pinhead was no longer at my side. I went back into the house, calling for him.

“Ian? Ian? Where are ya, buddy?”

“In here,” he called from an eastern room. I followed his voice, and saw him standing in someone's room, which had very recently been occupied. The bed was messy, and, most disturbingly, more blood stained the mattress, especially the pillow.

“What happened here?” I asked, my hand feeling the slashed walls.

“Judging by the slashes and the blood,” he sleuthed, “I want to say there was a battle here, but the blood patterns are irregular, concentrated to the bed. I'm getting some Kylo Ren vibes here; lashing out at inanimate objects to get frustration out. But, then, why the blood on the pillow?”

“Maybe it wasn't just inanimate objects they were lashing out at,” I surmised, “maybe they lashed out at… themselves.”

Ian furrowed his brow. “Do you think this could’ve been Xaneeta? She wasn't exactly the most stable person ever.”

“Maybe,” I said, “we never really knew that much about her.”

“Hold on,” Ian stopped me, “I know I've heard that name before. Where have I heard it before?”

Drannis stepped into the room with us. “Xaneeta, you mean?”

“Yeah,” he answered, “I think I know it from somewhere else, but I just can't think what. Any input on it?”

“Well,” Drannis said tentatively, “I have heard it once before, too. In social studies class. We were going over common names of other elements, and someone asked the teacher about names of Sound. I don't remember any others, but the one that stuck with me was Xaneeta.”

“Wait, I just remembered something else,” Ian stopped us again, “Solomon told me and Alex about the history of the element of Sound. He mentioned that there was one kid of Sound left, but he lost track of her. Do you think she could be-?”

“That seems to be where the plot is going,” I joked. “Maybe we should take a look outside again, orient ourselves.”

We left the house again, and stepped out into the streets. Cars rushed past, and certain features, especially the overabundance of national flags and palm trees, communicated to me that we had landed ourselves in Florida. Shit.

“Well,” Ian said, “unless Chaos is coming to conquer Disney World, I don't think we need to be here.”

I glared at him. “We should take a look around, just in case-” Then, I saw something explode in the distance, and a pillar of flame shoot up into the sky. “And I think that's just the case. Let's get on it.” I sped towards the distant calamity, my armour and wings deploying as I ran. I went higher and higher, getting a nerd’s eye view of the situation. 

In the street, a monster of metal was brutally crashing vehicles with its giant fists. It was spiked like an iron crystal, and parts of it shimmered with flame. It bellowed fire as it roared, scorching civilians. Beside it, someone in pink armour. I swooped into the scene, and readied my guardstaff.

“Hey, fuckface,” I taunted it, “pick on someone your own size.” The monster turned to face me, and I quickly realized I was not his own size. “Ah, shit.”

“Look who we found, big boy!” the pink one said cheerfully, “Old red came over to say hi! Why don't you two have some fun time with each other?”

The monster made some noise that sounded like a chuckle, and thudded towards me. I went running at it, and readied my gladius at its heart. It breathed fire at me, and I paused momentarily, to block it, but the flames engulfed me. It didn't hurt me, but I couldn't control it. What the hell was this thing? I resumed my charge, and came up to the creature, swinging up to strike its heart. But then, my blade was stopped. It struck against the thing, and shattered. Bits of crystal fire fell to the floor, and I backed away from the giant thing.

“Uh, can we talk this out?” I proposed feebly. Its massive hand came out, and grabbed me like I was a granola bar, about to peel the wrapping off.

Then, Ian and Drannis came onto the scene. Ian held up his scimitar, and Drannis held up her hammer.

“Hey, fucknuts!” Drannis said, “Come and deal with us, why don't you?” She then quietly asked Ian, “Is that okay? I don't think I'm great with one-liners.”

“Keep trying,” he encouraged her, “you'll get there eventually. It's like any skill, you start crap, then build up your own quality and style.*

“Guys!” I wheezed, “Death grip! Giant monster!” Do something about one of those!”

Drannis was the first to react. She came at the thing, hammer poised to strike its head. It tried to react, but it ended up being too slow, and its arm became a stepping stone as she climbed to its head. The hammer came down, and metal chips flew from the scene. The creature stumbled around, and ended up dropping me on the sidewalk. 

I assessed that I wouldn't be any good against the metal monster, and set my sights on the one in pink. I swerved past the monster as Ian came to slice one of its legs off, and swung my sword against her.

She ducked out of the way, and commented, “You're very forward, aren't you, little boy?”

“I try,” I said, striking again. 

She grabbed the blade between her hands, and taunted me, saying, “At least give a lady a chance to defend herself.” She swung out at me with her fiercely sharpened nails, scratching my armour, maybe even digging into my skin. 

“Ow! What the hell?!” I raised my blade again, and she scratched my hand as it came down, forcing me to drop it.

“Bit of a hypocrite, aren't you, kiddo?” She gripped my arms, and pulled me close. Her mask peeled backwards, revealing a hideous, corpselike face. “Give Venus a kiss, baby.” She leaned in, and I delivered a swift kick between her legs. She screeched, and careened sideways.

“Sorry,” I said, “you're  _ really _ not my type.” I swiped my sword back up, and plunged it through her back. She screamed, and keeled over dead.

“Yeah, I ain't think that's gonna last for long.” I turned, and saw Ian and Drannis successfully combating the metal monster. It was on its last legs, and its last minutes.

“Take  _ this!” _ Drannis swung her hammer, and the metal head of the creature cracked off, shooting into the air. It came back down, and made a sizeable dent in the pavement.

“Was that good?” she asked Ian for approval.

“That was great,” he said, out of breath, “but I would've gone for, 'Not really ahead of the game, are you?’”

“You already used your allotted 'ahead’ pun last year,” I reprimanded him. 

“You can never,” he heaved, and sat down on the sidewalk, “have enough, 'ahead' puns.”

I rolled my eyes at him. Behind me, I heard Venus coughing her last. I came to her side to interrogate her. “I can already guess you're with Chaos,” I started, “so what the hell are you doing out here?”

She smiled, and laughed hoarsely. “A weapons test. Demiguard can only do so much, better hope you're ready for a war, kiddo.” She coughed again, and swiped at my face with her claws, leaving twin scratches on my cheeks. “You look more like him than he wants to admit, I say.” She coughed again, and chanted, “Chaos is upon us, Chaos is upon us!” Finally, she sputtered, and went silent, the armour peeling off of her body. The corrupted Stone ejected from her head, and shattered against the pavement.

“Yeah, I'm going to need therapy for that shit,” Ian declared, “but that is not a new thing.”

I took a look at the monster’s head and body, and noticed they were melting away. The metal body became hardened, but the head slipped away down a gutter, leaving behind a crystal chunk. I took it into my hand, and turned it over. It felt like the same material as the Demiguard's stone had been, but was imperfect, and had chunks taken out of it.

“We need to get back home,” I said, “this feels like a distraction. Drannis, open us a plot hole.” I quickly realized that what I had said made no sense whatsoever, but Drannis understood the intent.

She opened a portal back to home in the middle of the road, but it shimmered, and looked like it was going to disappear. “It's too bright,” she said, “I need to get someplace darker.” 

Firetrucks came to the scene. “Let's get out of here,” I said, “this can't be good for us.” We hid in an alleyway, and Drannis successfully opened the portal back home.

  
  
  


Nothing happened for the rest of the day. No news reports, not even of the incident in Florida. It was almost suspicious how little happened. As the hours ticked by, I became more and more restless. Ian and Drannis, however, became conspiratorially restful.

“You two get to bed,” I said to them, “I'm just gonna be watching the news for another hour or so.” They disappeared into my room, and, in spite of myself, I went in with them. I still wasn't ready to let Ian out of my sight. I tucked myself into his grasp, and I faded away into sleep, myself.

In the middle of the night, my phone buzzed to life, waking me up. Chaos was back on his bullshit.


	22. Interlude- Chaos in the House

In light of recent events, the United States Senate was justly afraid. A maniac with a gun, toppling governments was, somehow, a distant fantasy to their administration. They had put up numerous new methods to protect themselves; guards at every door, soldiers lining the perimeter. What they didn't expect, however, was this madman coming through the front door with naught but a pair of teenagers with sticks.

“You see, kids,” Chaos said, twirling his rapier, “the most important thing to remember when destabilizing a planet is to have fun in the process. After all, the journey is more important than the destination.”

Xander rolled his eyes, while Cornelius was completely enraptured by his idiotic speech. They strode up to the gates of the Senate Building, in full armour, and the soldiers that guarded the entrance aimed their weapons.

“Halt!” one of them shouted, “You are not permitted on the premises! You must leave under your own will, or be forced off the property!”

“You know, I could've gone to Australia instead,” Chaos rambled, “but I thought I should come here while the getting’s good. So, mister soldier man, how do you feel about-” The soldier started firing at him before he could even finish. 

Chaos barely flinched. “Well, that's not going to earn you any points in my review.” He speared the soldier through his kevlar armour with his rapier, and commented on the experience. “Nice consistency, yes, yes, maybe a little too much alcohol, it's a bit strong for my tastes.” 

The other guard tried to fire at Chaos as well, but he used the other guard as a meat shield. “Ooh, very tender,” Chaos commented, as the soldier continued to riddle his dead comrade with bullets. Chaos elongated the sword, and speared the other on it as well. He retracted the blade, and the guards fell over, dead.

“How was that, Cornelius?” Chaos asked for approval.

“I-” he stammered, unsure how to answer. He realized he had never seen a person die before, and he, as an affectation of his element of Spirit, saw their souls writhing in agony, soon dissolving. He put on a fake smile, and said, “I loved it!”

“Excellent!” Chaos proclaimed. “Now, we have ourselves a bill to pass!”

  
  
  


The Senate were on their way to evacuate, having heard the gunshots, but, as they were about to leave through the emergency doors, someone else pushed them out. “Hey, fuckers,” Xander greeted them. He held up his sword against the crowd, and forced them back.

“Everyone, please,” Chaos said, bursting through the front door, his rapier extended, “back to your seats! Wouldn't want to go out without a spectacle, would we?” Cornelius came in behind them, and extended his will onto the senators, convincing them to peacefully return to their seats.

“That's better!” Chaos crooned. “Now, I have a few things to s- uh, erm, where's the big guy? Orange, small hands, probably a fascist?”

“He's sick,” a speaker in the crowd said.

“Sick? Oh, son of a bitch,” Chaos groaned, “the president is home  _ sick?!”  _ He shot the speaker, and rubbed his forehead. “Oh, this country is absurd. There are  _ two  _ places in this building, did you know? I thought there was just the senate but there's  _ another _ one! I mean, could you please just get your shit together so I can kill all of you at once? Now I have to walk halfway across the building to get rid of the  _ rest  _ of you, and then I have to go to the White House to kill the orange guy, and it's just- it's just incredibly confusing.”

“Chaos?” Xander asked.

“Yes?”

“Shut up.”

“No.” Chaos, unfazed by Xander’s interruption, continued. “So, which of you has the nukes? Come on, fess up. And tell me about the aliens, too, I wanna see some of them.”

The senators didn't answer. “Well,” Chaos substituted, “if you won't give them up, I guess I'll just have to start killing you until one of you gives them over. Now, who wants to go first?” 

One senator yelled, “I DON'T WANNA DIE!” and scrambled over the others, tumbling out of the stands, and onto the floor.

“Why do they always react like that?” Chaos questioned. He shot the senator through his leg, and he screamed in terrified, useless agony.

“Cornelius,” Chaos offered, “do you want to take the shot?” He handed his guardstaff pistol to his young companion, and Cornelius saw it turn green in his hands.

Cornelius aimed the weapon, and his hands trembled. “Do it!” Chaos commanded. Cornelius steeled himself, and fired the weapon. The bullet flew true, and pierced the senator’s skull. Cornelius felt a mixture of fear, apprehension, power and pride, as the senator fell over dead. He looked over to Xander, who gave him a look that said, “What did I tell you?”

“Splendid,” Chaos said, a demented grin spreading across his face, “How does it feel, child?”

Cornelius contrived something between a lie and a half-truth. “Powerful.” He cackled in some mock victory, and Chaos laughed with him.

“Now,” Chaos said, leaning into Corn’s ear, “the rest of them.”

“What?” Corn asked.

“Rip their souls from their bodies,” Chaos demanded, “and crush them!”

Cornelius gulped, and centered himself. Was he really going to do this? Was it worth it? “DO IT!” Chaos commanded him again, “KILL THEM!” Impulsively, and almost by accident, Cornelius felt their spirits, and severed them from their bodies. For a brief moment, he could feel them screaming, agonized in their last moments. In spite of himself, he roared in exertion as he committed himself to the deed.

Chaos was satisfied. “Mhmhmhm,” he snickered, “very nice. Needed a bit more flourish, but I’m sure you’ll improve as time goes on. Now, off to the… guh… house of representatives? Is that the one? That’s the other one in this building, right? Or am I just pulling this out of my ass?”

“Ass,” Xander answered.

“Ehhh, probably,” he replied, “now, let’s get to the doing the murder… and… whatnot. Words are failing, for some reason. No matter, murder!” Chaos strode confidently out of the room, and into the vast hallway of the senate building.

“So, let’s not frighten them just yet,” Chaos suggested, “instead, let’s- oh, bugger.” The doors to the house of representatives was swung wide open, and the room empty. “Oh, come on!” he cried, “Can’t I just get a break for once?”

Suddenly, a dark portal opened up on the ceiling, and the trio of Ian, Ajay and Drannis fell through the hole. They collapsed on top of each other.

Ajay got up, and stumbled to his feet, leaning against a wall. “Chaos… we’re… uh… fuck… die.”

“Oh, bollocks,” Chaos swore, “not this again.”


	23. Ajay- Face to Face

“Sorry, sorry,” I apologized to Drannis, “it’s my fault. I should’ve given you a better picture of the place. Hallway ceiling is not a good place to teleport from.”

Chaos huffed furiously. “What the hell is this? You are interrupting my global domination!”

“That’s- ugh- the point,” Ian said, stumbling to his feet. Drannis helped herself up by climbing his leg.

“Oh, this is absurd,” Chaos said, rubbing his forehead. “One of you just kill them and get it over with, honestly.”

“Come on, Chaos,” I taunted breathily, drawing my gladius, “it's a three versus three. Would you really wanna pass that chance up?” 

He looked intrigued, and held up his rapier. “Well, perhaps I could spare moment.” He lashed out with his sword, and I parried with mine. He raised an eyebrow, and smiled devilishly. “Attaboy!” He stepped backwards, and commanded, “Everyone pair up! Let's make this interesting.”

The Guardian in green held up a knife, and the Guardian in black extended a vicious blade of shadow. “En guard!” Chaos exclaimed. We raised our blades, and there was a clash of elemental metal on elemental metal, as sword met axe and knife met scimitar. 

I stepped in towards Chaos, and tried to stab at him. He expertly dodged my blade, and traced a scratch up my armour with the tip of his own. I wings heavier now, and the blade glanced off his shoulder as he stepped to the side.

“It has just occurred to me,” he said, walking a circle with me, “I don't know your name. I've just been calling you 'red one’ this whole time. Care to enlighten me?” He stabbed at my stomach, but I furled backwards.

“Ajay,” I introduced myself, swinging wildly, “one word. People always think it's initials, but it's actually Hindi.”

“Really?” Chaos said, swiping gracefully, “What's it mean?”

I struck his rapier into pieces, and poised my blade at his throat. “Indomitable,” I smirked.

He grinned back at me like Jack Sparrow. “I think it's time we switch partners.” He twirled to the side, escaping my sword, and declared, “Step lively, folks, these chairs are playing us a tune!”

I heard a strange chord being played from an invisible instrument, and, in a flurry of movement, I had been paired against the Guardian in green.

“How do you do,” he said confidently, sticking his knife out futilely.

I smacked it downwards. “I'm good, thanks.”

He came at me with the blade, extending it to a pitchfork. “And I'm evil,” he introduced himself, “pleased to meet you.”

I struck back, scraping the gladius up the shaft of the fork. “That's not a very common name,” I quipped, “what pronouns go with that?” 

He caught my blade in the pitchfork, stealing it away. “If it makes it easier,” he said, “you can call me Cornelius.” He held the gladius, in his other hand, and it turned a vaporous green.

“Come, now,” Chaos chided him, matching Drannis beat for beat, “be a little more sporting, and toss him the sword.” Cornelius twisted his words, and threw the blade at my face. I swerved, and caught the blade over my shoulder.

“Think you're slick, do ya?” we asked each other simultaneously. We were each briefly caught off guard by this, but I took the brief beat to lengthen my blade, and held it up to his neck. Sparks from the flame crackled as they hit his hair, but he was quick enough to escape my trap, and fell over backwards, springing on his hands back upright. His pitchfork grew to combat my blade, and quickly our weapons were at each other's hearts.

“Feel lucky, punk?” we simultaneously asked each other. This was becoming strange. Before we had any time to test each other's luck, Chaos called for another swap.

“Let's mix it up again, boys!” Another metallic chord played invisibly, and suddenly I was against the black Guardian.

“Good morning,” I greeted him.

“You wish,” he snapped, swiping at me with the familiar blade. I parried, striking quickly and repeatedly, but he met me blade for blade and stroke for stroke. He brought the blade down with both hands, and forced me to the floor. I pushed back up, off-balancing him. He stepped clumsily backwards, but quickly was back at the top of his game. 

“Do I know you?” I asked him, bringing our swords against each other.

“Maybe you did,” he said, “but not anymore.”

“Oh, Xander, darling,” Chaos said, effortlessly beating on Ian with his flimsy blade, “why don't you give them a look at the new you?”

“I am not taking my mask off!” he said, swiping heavily at me.

“Come on, boy, give us a peek!” Chaos reiterated. 

Xander huffed, and allowed himself to follow Chaos’ directions. The mask peeled off, revealing a face with short dark hair, a cluster of Guardian Stones, and slashed cheeks.

“Xaneeta?” I asked. This was a mistake. Before I had even fully completed the word, their face lit up with rage, and they came swinging ruthlessly at me. He shouted and screamed at me, whaling away. I held up my sword in defense, but he was unrelenting. Blow after blow, I was forced to the ground, and he was standing over me, ready to kill. 

“Xaneeta is dead,” he said, “and I killed her.”

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry!” I pleaded, “I-its just, you two have, like, the same face, the same… uh, cheek things, and the same crown of things you took from dead people. Are you, like, siblings, or something?” 

This pissed him off even more. He raised the blade, roared ferociously, and brought it down. I rolled out of the way, but he kept swinging inelegantly, trying his damnedest to decapitate me. “GET OVER HERE!” Scoring his rage, swelling with each slice, metal guitar chords built and built, culminating at the height of each swipe. He backed me up against the wall, and dug his blade into the wall, beside my neck.

“Never mention Xaneeta in my presence again,” he warned, ready to slice my neck in two. Furious drumbeats sounded, throbbing like a raging heart.

My mind raced, but fixated on the music he was producing. “The last Guardian of Sound,” I slipped.

He looked at me confused. “What?” 

Breaking away from Cornelius, Ian turned and put the curve of his blade around Xander’s neck. “If you wanna hurt him,” he defied, “you'll have to kill me first.”

Xander chuckled. “You call that a threat?” He pulled his own blade back, and struck against Ian, stabbing him through the chest. 

Ian chuckled as well. “You call that killing?” He fell backwards off the sword, and fell dead on the ground. In a manner of seconds, he popped back down from the ceiling, landing on his feet, very much alive. He smirked. “How's that working out for you?” 

Everyone except for me gawked bewilderedly at the development. “Nice going, jackass,” I said, saluting him.

He raised a cocky eyebrow, and swung at Chaos. He matched the blow, and tried to stab Ian again. Ian smacked the rapier away, and Chaos’ guardstaff fell to the ground. “Oh, bollocks,” Chaos remarked.

Before I knew it, we were winning. Drannis and Xander clashed expertly against each other, but Drannis’ wild movements outmatched Xander's. Ian had Chaos up against a wall, and the Corn guy was on his knees, praying I wouldn't chop him to bits.

“So, uh,” Chaos tried to bargain, “Xander, how about we call this one a draw?” Xander rolled his eyes, and the three of them fell into portals of shadow beneath their feet.

“Dammit!” I cursed, “They got away!”

“Hey, genius,” Drannis said coarsely, “we know where they live!” She opened her own portal on the floor, and indicated it with angry hand motions that looked startlingly familiar.

We hopped down into the hole, and returned to the Florida abode. Again, it was untidy and lived in, but still nobody was there. 

“Argh,” I growled, “where the hell did they go?!”

“Somewhere dumb,” Ian supposed. “Drannis, opinions?”

“I- I don't know,” she answered, “did Solomon give you any idea where he would be going?” 

“Um, uh,” Ian stuttered, “I think he did, yeah. He said Chaos would go through Japan, then Australia, then America, and, uh… dammit! What was the last one?!”

“Britain,” I answered. “Come on, let's get us some crumpets.”


	24. Alex- Face Off

I was woken up by someone rapping on the glass door. I had fallen asleep in the cell, my head pressed against it, and my lip dripping spit on it. Not the most elegant way to sleep, but it had been a long fucking day.

“Time to go,” the tapping soldier said, “Agent Killian wants you.” The door slid away, and I fell forward onto the floor.

“YAH!” I exclaimed, landing face-first. “Ow.”

He poked me with his gun. “Up,” he commanded. I found my footing, and stood back up.

“Thanks,” I said, rubbing my nose. He prodded me again.

“Let's go, alien!” The other doors slid open, and other soldiers restrained Lena and Nick. Lena snapped at her captor, igniting her arm.

“Lena,” I commanded her, “cool it. The sooner we get this cleared up, the sooner we can leave.” And, I thought, if she kept refusing to hide her arm, we wouldn't be leaving any time soon.

They shunted us out of the cell, and through what seemed like miles of clinical white hallways. Doors occasionally marked the walls, and I thought I could hear someone screaming from behind a few of them. Where the hell were we?

We arrived at a door at the end of a corridor, finally a culmination of this labyrinth. My soldier knocked on the door, which was beginning to feel like the only thing he could do, and there was the sound of metal clinks, and the door came open. 

It was Killian’s office, and he was sitting in a white chair behind a white desk, with his dark skin contrasting hard against the paleness of the room. His niece, wearing marginally more clothes, was leaning her elbow on his shoulder.

“Thank you, soldiers,” Killian thanked them, “you are dismissed.” The military men shuffled away, disappearing in the maze of hallways.

“Please, have a seat,” Killian said, indicating a trio of chairs in front of the desk. We complied, sitting in the government-funded lawn chairs.

“So,” he said, “welcome to Area 51.” My mind went into overdrive.

“Wait, this is Area 51? Dude, holy shit!” I said unrestrainedly. In my own awkwardness, I shut up. That was not a smart move.

“I don't know how aliens like yourselves know about a secret military base,” he pondered, “but, it shouldn't be any great problem. Because, of course, we’re keeping you.”

“No you're not, shitlicker,” Lena shot, “we're busting your ass, and we’re busting the fuck outta here.”

“No, you're really not,” Absinthe crooned, fiddling with Killian's hair, “my brother here has the best security systems, and the best soldiers.”

“Yeah, well- wait,” I paused, “did you just call him your brother?”

She looked shocked. “No,” she denied, “I said cousin.”

“I- I thought he was your uncle?” I questioned her.

Killian rolled his eyes. “I am. She's just not the brightest.” She slapped him on the back of his head.

“Whatever's going on, here,” Nick said, grinning, “it seems kinda kinky.”

“Nick,” I said, trying to shake the thought from my head, “shut the hell up.”

“This is why I say we need to keep our story straight,” Absinthe chided her… uh, generic relative.

“Listen, just everyone shut up!” Killian said loudly, “I just wanted to bring you here to tell you why you're here.”

“And why is that, then?” I asked.

“Because,” he answered, “you Guardians pose a problem to the security of this planet. We can't have element wielders running rampant, at least not without a government sanction.”

“Wait, Guardians?” I asked, putting on a show, “What are Guardians?”

Killian raised an eyebrow. “Don't try and fool me now. I've seen the arm on that one, don't think alien hunters can't tell what alien tech is.”

“Hey, if you want to see more of this arm,” Lena said, “I'd be happy to show it off!” She stood up forcefully, and her arm shot out at Killian's face, making a gash in his skin.

“Lena!” I exclaimed, ready to rock her back to Nova Scotia, but I noticed that, out of the corner of my eye, Killian wasn't bleeding. Absinthe rushed to the scene, covering it back up, but, as her hands tried to patch up the wound, I saw a layer of pale skin beneath his darker skin. “Your- your face,” I stammered, pointing out the wound.

“Wicked!” Nick commented.

Killian dismissed Absinthe. “It's fine,” he said, picking at the wound, “this skin wasn't going to last for long, anyway. Just get it off me.”

“Wait, WHAT?!” I shouted, backing off my chair and against the door. I watched, horrified, as Absinthe and Killian both tore away flesh from his face, and a new face, slippery with fluid was revealed. His hair was short, almost shaved, and his skin pale. The only features that remained from his former face were the eyes.

“GAAAH, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!” I exclaimed. 

“It appears,” the smaller Killian said, “that my ruse is over and done with. Sister, would you mind putting my eyes back? I don't like it when they match.” She waved her hands over his face, and his eyes shifted from both being brown, to one being blue and the other grey. He cracked his neck in relief. “There we go.”

Lena yelled a battle cry, and attempted to stab then again, but found herself on the end of some telekinetic power, and choked on her own throat. Then, I felt the same force applied to myself. “Leave my brother alone,” Absinthe said, pouting falsely, “what did he ever do to you?”

“Way cool,” Nick remarked, leaning in.

“You want in, honey?” she asked him.

“Hell yeah!” he agreed, high fiving her. Suddenly, his hand snapped backwards, and he too was thrown against the wall. Absinthe laughed at him.

“Oh, don't worry, sweetheart,” she said, coming up to trace his skin, “you're going to be just fine.”

“Well,” Killian said, still wearing mostly the skin of his former shape, “I guess we should introduce ourselves, now that the plan is going to have to skip ahead. I'm Killian Smith, last Guardian of Metal, and this is my sister, Absinthe, last Guardian of Flesh. And you,” he loaded a gun, “are going to be dead.”

My head swam, and, reflexively, I conjured up a wall of rock from the floor, creating a barrier where the desk had been. I felt my muscles return to my control, and I landed safely on the floor. “Alright,” I said, “before they have a breakthrough, let’s haul ass outta here.”

I busted down the door with a powerful punch, and saw that red alert lights had been turned on. The clatter of military boots and thunder of metal weapons filled the hall, and I brought Lena to the forefront in anticipation. The soldiers marched down the tiny hallway, and aimed their weapons at us.

“FREEZE!” one commanded.

“Lena,” I suggested, “it’s time to strut your stuff.”

“Thank fuck,” she said, cracking her neck again. Her arm emerged, glowing furiously pink.

“PUT THE WEAPON DOWN!” the soldier commanded again. Lena chuckled, and her arm shot out, pummeling the squadron of soldiers into government-funded flesh piles. 

“Dickheads,” she remarked.

“Let’s go!” I commanded, drawing my own guardstaff. More soldiers came down the hall, weapons drawn, but well placed stone bullets and giant punches made short work of them. We punched, and shot our way back to the hangar, and got in one of the armoured cars. I slipped the guardstaff key in, and it flared to life.

“Hang on, kids!” I sped the vehicle up, and subsequently crashed into more armoured vehicles. “Shit!” I tried to look for a way out of the facility, but none appeared. “Guess we’re going ballistic, then. Lena, I’m going to need your help again.”

“Hell yeah,” she said, smirking confidently.

“Stick your arm out the window,” I said, “and punch down with the biggest arm you got.”

She smiled, genuinely happy for the first time in forever. “Get ready for shit-stains, asshats.” She punched the glass on the window out, and her arm shot downwards. Suddenly, the car was propelled towards the ceiling, high above the soldiers and into the roof. The metal top crunched outwards, forcing the ceiling of the car in on us, as the sand poured from the desert down into the base. Lena lifted us up onto the desert plain, and the car lurched as it fell down. 

I put the pedal to the metal, and the car shot away back to the city. “NICK!” I shouted, “WHERE DID YOUR GUARDSTAFF GO?!”

“It's back at the casino!” he shouted in reply.

“Guess I know where we're headed, then” I said to myself. I ran the route through my head, and plotted the destination. Dodging cars and weaving illegally, I did my best to find the casino, but I was having difficulty differentiating the numerous buildings. “Agh, which one is the one?”

Then, the sound of police sirens filled the air. A troupe of squad cars were barreling down the street with reckless disregard, coming all too close to crashing every car on the road. 

“Ah, shit,” I swore, looking in the mirror.

“I can handle em,” Lena said, cocking her arm.

“Wait, what? No, Lena, don't!” I tried to stop her. 

“Too late, bitch!” She kicked down the door, and hung by the ceiling grip of the vehicle, and readied a machine gun arm.

“Keep casualties to a minimum, please!” I requested, trying to steer the car through the busy streets. 

“I AIN'T MAKIN’ PROMISES!” She laughed and hooted wildly, and a furious, deafening barrage of bullets exploded from her arm, shattering glass and piercing hoods. 

“SAYONARA, SHIT CRUNCHERS! HAHA!” I turned sharply, and Lena yelled with excitement, letting loose on storefronts. “THIS IS THE MOST FUN I'VE EVER HAD MY WHOLE LIFE!” she hollered.

“I THINK THAT'S A BIT OF A PROBLEM!” I shouted over the cacophony.

Another corner, and we were standing at the door to the casino. I stopped the car, and we all hopped out, and into the building. As an extra precaution, I raised a stone barrier around the front of the establishment.

I stepped into the building, and discovered piles of flesh and bodies spread about, drenched in blood. I was horrified by it, and if my constitution was any weaker, I would've collapsed into a traumatized pile of flesh, myself. For now, we were secure. And for now, all we could do was plan.


	25. Interlude- New From Bionicle

“Get this skin off me!” Killian commanded his sister. Manipulating her element of Flesh, she pulled the stolen skin-suit off of her brother, leaving him in a bloody, slimy suit that was a size too big.

“We're going to have to go ahead with our plan,” he said, “now that Agent Killian is over and done with, we’ll have to start the conversion.” He extended his hand, and propelled the rock barrier away by grabbing ahold of the metal particles, and forcing them to separate. The rock cracked and broke, and the siblings were free.

“Armour up,” Killian said authoritatively, “we might not need it, but Chaos said we could do with a little flair.”

“Sure thing, brother,” Absinthe agreed. Her armour came over her skin, looking like marbled meat, and clinging to her flesh. Killian’s also appeared, made of bulky, silver metal.

The two of them pushed down the hall, and encountered a pile of soldiers, lying on the floor. Killian sneered at them. “Sleeping on the job, are you?” 

One soldier woke up, and stared at the pair with fear in his eyes. Absinthe quickly stopped his heart with her powers, and added him to the pile again. The lump of soldiers warped and crunched, as she reforged them into a monster of amalgamated flesh.

“Hello, handsome,” she said to the beast. It looked at her with disdain and sadness, but was forced to obey her command.

Killian found his walkie talkie, and spoke into it. “ALL PERSONNEL TO YOUR VEHICLES! REPEAT, ALL PERSONNEL TO VEHICLES!” He grinned at his own slyness, knowing full well what was about to happen. They strode down the hall with haughty confidence, and out to the hangar bay, where the soldiers were shuffling to heir vehicles.

The last footstep was heard, and the last door was shut. “Are you ready, brother?” Absinthe asked her sibling.

“Oh, you know it,” he replied. He licked his lips, and felt the metal cars with his powers. The large vehicles twisted and contorted, with the hundreds of soldiers inside them all. He laughed maniacally as he heard the screams of the dying men, as their once safe vehicles crunched and cracked, and amalgamated into one titanic, humanoid mass, that stood tall enough to scrape the ceiling.

“Your turn, sis,” he said, satisfied with his work.

“Thanks, Killy!” she replied cheerfully. She extended her own powers, and commanded the bodies of the soldiers to warp and melt. Their corpses became a muscular slurry, weaving in and around the metal titan, becoming like a layer of skin on top of it, and tendons within it. The lumpy monster was faceless, but seemed to display some fearful emotion.

“All wrapped up,” she finished. The creature before them was now under their shared control, and was prepared to destroy the entire city of Las Vegas, if it needed to. 

“Let's break ourselves out of here, shall we?” Killian supposed. He bid the monster to smash out the roof, and it did. The metal ceiling bent and broke away, spilling sand out onto the monster. 

It laid down its other hand, and the cruel siblings stepped on. Absinthe dismissed the already-constructed skinwalker, and it fell to bloody, mutilated pieces. 

The titan heaved itself out of the underground base, and up onto the desert plain. In the distance, the city was visible.

“So, sister,” Killian regarded Absinthe, “how many deaths do you think we're going to cause because of this?”

Absinthe snickered to herself. “Not enough, brother.”


	26. Solomon- Good Things Come

Two hours had passed since our capture. Jane was sobbing quietly, while I waited, careful not to tell her what I had planned, in case it might arouse suspicion from the Demiguard. The monstrous things sat around a flaming Ravana, using him like a campfire to play their cacophonous symphony around. I was plugging my ears to prevent myself from becoming deafened by the atrocious noise.

The blue Demiguard, Thonur, stood outside of the circle, looking like he was waiting for someone, like I was. He looked vaguely in our direction, but didn't linger.

A shadowy ripple in space appeared, and Chaos stepped through with Xander and another. “Hello, again, brother,” he said cordially.

“Chaos,” I acknowledged, chin upturned.

“So, what brings you to my neck of the woods? Come to join the winning side, have you?”

“If I wanted to stay on the winning side, I would have chosen a better ally than you,” I shot back.

He chuckled. “Brother, there's no ally better than myself, is there kids?” He turned to his proteges for approval, but Xander glared at him, and the other was spaced out. “Really? Oh, come on! Demiguard?” His creations continued their ruckus. “Oh, bloody- why does nobody like me?”

“There are so many reasons, brother,” I said, “that by the time I finished listing them the universe will have collapsed in on itself.”

He glared at me, but resumed his tyrade. “Speaking of the universe collapsing,” he said, “you should see what I have planned. In fact, you two,” he indicated his students, “get yourselves to the ship. It's time to deploy the weapons. And take Thonur with you, I think he's getting a bit bored.” Xander and the other stood with Thonur, and disappeared into a fold of shadow.

“So,” I said, leaning in, “what have you got planned, oh mighty brother?”

He grinned dickishly. “I'm glad you asked! You see, Solomon, your precious Earths depend too heavily on their satellite systems. They have junked up their atmosphere so much, that it has enabled me to place a series of orbital weapons around the globe, so small that they will be undetectable by even a satellite placed inches from them.”

“Well, what are these weapons?” I asked. 

“Well, I have spent numerous hours perfecting-” he began, but was cut off by the sound of a ship entering the atmosphere. “Eh? What the hell was that?” 

“Nothing,” I tried to hide, “continue with your explanation.”

Chaos stood up forcefully. “You called for reinforcements, didn't you?!” he accused.

I smiled knowingly. “You got me.” He scowled, teeth exposed.

Squadrons of enforcer ships appeared in the sky, weapons exposed, and trained at Chaos and his servants.

“Chaos,” a commanding female voice called down from one of the ships, “this is Guardian Inpulsa, dismantle your constructs, or you face persecution.”

“You with the trombone!” Chaos scuttled to his Demiguard, “Get us out of here!” A peculiar Demiguard with a brass trombone stepped out, and played a note that summoned a shadow portal. Okay, now I've seen everything.

Barrages of energy bolts descended from the enforcer ships, doing their damnedest to shoot down the Demiguard as they escaped through the portal. Chaos was the last one to go, but I ran at him as he tried to escape.

“Oh no you don't!” I dove, and grabbed him by the leg, but he kicked me off, and escaped through the shadowy gash.

“Damn!” I cursed. 

Jane came running up to me, asking, “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!”

I smiled at her. “Good things coming to those who waited.” One ship descended, landing in the street.

The entry panel opened up, and out came a dark-skinned Guardian in blue armour. “Inpulsa!” I greeted her.

She smiled broadly, and stretched out her arms for a hug. I wrapped my own arms around her, and laughed with relief.

“Solomon,” she said, “what the hell kinda mess have you gotten yourself into this time?”

“One that shouldn't be too terribly difficult to rectify, if all goes well,” I lied, feigning confidence. I remembered my newest student, and introduced the two of them. “Jane, this is Inpulsa, last Guardian of Lightning. Inpulsa, this is Jane Clarence, last Guardian of Light.” 

Jane stepped forward fearfully, but extended her hand. “Hi.”

Inpulsa took her hand, and pulled her in for a hug. “We’ve got a lot in common, lightbulb. Come on, let's get off this rock.”

Inpulsa turned to board the ship again, and waved to us, recommending we follow her.

“Jane?” I asked my student, “Are you ready to go?”

She paused to think, and answered, “Give me a minute.” She ran away, and returned a few minutes later with a pile of drawings. “I want to take them with me.” She handed me a paper, and, beautifully drawn upon it, were two happy women in each other's embrace.

“Your mothers?” I asked. She nodded. I handed her back the paper, and said, “Keep them safe, and I will keep you safe.” She smiled sadly, and boarded the ship with me.

“So,” I said to Inpulsa, “how fast does this baby go?”

She stood at the controls, and replied, “About seven hyper-lumes. Where we headed?”

“Earth 412,” I answered, taking a seat, “I have to pick up my kids.”

Inpulsa chuckled. “Well, hold on to your asses. We’ll be there in two hours. Buckle up kiddos!” The door sealed up, and the ship shot away into space, quickly accelerating beyond the speed of light.

Jane screamed as we went over. “AAAH! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!”

“Does she ask that a lot?” Inpulsa asked.

“Somewhat,” I answered. I came over to the young Guardian, and asked, “What's wrong, child?”

“Th-the, the space, it's- it's-” she stuttered, “I can't feel something. I don't know what, but I feel like something is gone from me. What is this?”

“Jane, we are going above the speed of light,” I answered, “what you are feeling is an absence of elemental input. It is a common phenomenon when going at these speeds, especially for a light elemental. You will be alright.”

She looked nervous, and clutched her papers to her chest. She nodded, but she looked like she was on the verge of tears. I patted her on the head in confirmation. “You can be brave. I know this. I've seen it.”

I returned to my own seat, and decided to check in on my other students. I began a mental link with Alex, and I saw her face appear in my mind's eye.

“Not a great time Solomon,” she fretted.

“What's going on?” I asked, “Have you managed to locate the Guardians?”

“Unfortunately, yes,” she replied, “they took over a military base, and now they're sending the police and shit after us, and I’m hearing some  _ really _ big thudding right now! Any thoughts?”

“Tell me where you are, and what your surroundings are,” I said calmly, “if I can get enough information on the situation, I can make a plan for you.”

“Uh, okay,” she said, “we’re in a casino, there's tons of corpse bits here, and lots of machines, not much else. Solomon they have flesh and metal on their side, this building is filled with that!”

“Alex, calm down,” I bid her, “I selected your team for a reason. Alex, first, bury the bodies and machines, make sure they don't have that advantage. Second, bone is just as much Rock as it is Flesh. If they threaten you with Flesh manipulation, threaten their bones back. As well, Nikolas can manipulate the stomach acid in their bodies, so you have another threat there. Third, once you've established those threats, Lena will need to convince them to join your side. It might only be temporary, but if she can keep it together long enough, you can get them back to your ship.”

“Uh, okay, but, the ship is damaged,” she said, “and possibly under government control. How do we fix that?”

“If you can't patch it together,” I returned, “I am coming to get you with a fleet of ships. Do you think you're going to be good until we arrive?”

“Agh,” she grunted, “I think so. But whatever's thudding might pose a problem.”

“Well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it,” I dismissed, “I’ll see you soon, fate permitting.”

“See you later then,” she said, flashing me a weak but hopeful smile. I terminated the call, and returned to my surroundings. However, there was one more team I had to confer with.


	27. Interlude- Loss of Life

Xander and Cornelius were orbiting the Earth in separate, stolen vessel ships, deploying crystals, mass produced by Chaos. They were silent for most of the trip, but Xander decided to ask his comrade a question.

“So, how do you feel about Chaos now?” he asked over the comms.

Corn frowned, confident in his lonesomeness. “Not great,” he answered.

“Hm,” Xander chuckled mirthlessly, “thought so.”

“Xander,” he said, half-heartedly carving a piece of wood, “how… how does it make you feel? When- when you kill someone, I mean.”

Xander sighed. “The first time, it hurt. But after the hundredth Guardian, I had forgotten I was supposed to be feeling. How did it make you feel, then?”

Corn sighed as well. “I… I felt all of them. All of their spirits. They… they screamed. They didn't want to die, more than anything else.” Xander grunted. What a loser this kid was. “Xander,” Corn said, “I killed parents. They had kids. They had parents. I… I want to take it back.”

“Too late, kid,” Xander said, completely removed from his emotions, “the call it eternal rest for a reason.” Xander turned his head, and saw Thonur tapping his foot in the back of the ship. “Sometimes, there are exceptions,” Xander regarded the undead thing.

“Xander,” Corn began again, “I think… I think I want to be dead.”

Xander frowned. “I know how you feel. I’d say you got the easy way, though, kid.”

Corn furrowed his brow. “Why’s that?”

Xander scoffed. “What the hell do I look like to you? Normal? I’ve got dead people’s rocks taped to my head, cheeks I shove a sword through, and… myself.” It felt weird to him, being able to commiserate with someone.

Corn contemplated this. “What do you mean?”

“Did you… did you hear what the red kid called me?”

“He called you some weird name,” Cornelius answered, “what was it? Xaneeta, I think? What was that about?”

“That was, uh,” Xander paused, and would likely have been blushing if he had cheeks left to blush, “that was my name way back when. It was the one my psycho dad gave me.”

“Chaos?”

Xander laughed a little. “No, he’s just a psycho. My dad was the guy who killed everyone.”

“Sooo… Chaos?”

Xander laughed a little more. “The other one.”

“Ombracion?”

“Yeah, that idiot,” he confirmed, “it was, uh… it was a girl’s name.”

“Hm,” Corn mused, “never would’ve figured.”

Xander was confused by this. “How could you not have?”

“You just don’t look like it,” Corn answered.

“You’re just used to how I look, then,” Xander denied, “you don’t know any better.” His hands went to his chest, were a pair of once-cumbersome breasts were bound tightly. They left scars. He had built himself on scars, it seemed. “Corn,” he regarded his partner, “there was something else he said to me.”

“Hm?” Corn was intrigued by this.

“He said something,” Xander said, “just a few words. ‘The last Guardian of Sound,’ he said. What do you think it means?”

This, however, was something Cornelius had been questioning for a while. “I don’t know,” he answered, “but I sometimes hear music from your room at night. Maybe…?”

“I’ll ask Chaos about it later,” Xander dismissed, “for now, let’s just drop the crystals, and get the hell out of here.” 

He muted the comms, and turned to Thonur. “Do you remember him?” he asked the Demiguard.

Thonur nodded.

Xander knelt down under the console of the ship, and pulled out a cold metal can. He cracked it open, and felt the orange juice inside spill out the sides of his mouth, and the taste of it on his tongue. “Me too.”


	28. Alex- Don't Tap the Ass

Doing just as Solomon said, I buried the bodies and the machines under a heavy coat of dirt and rock, and waited for something to happen. The titanic thunder grew louder and louder, telling me that whatever weapon Absinthe and Killian had prepared was on its way. “Everyone clear on the plan?” I asked.

“Uhh, I get to, like, threaten to reverse vore them, right?” Nick questioned.

“I… would not phrase it like that,” I answered, somewhat unsettled, “but I think that is the jist of it.”

“And I make them die,” Lena said, confidently cocking her AK-47 arm.

“That is the exact opposite of what we are trying to do here, so no,” I said, pushing her weaponized limb to the floor. She shot the floor, and I jumped back in surprise. “Hey! No shooting! Lena, you try and convince them, with whatever emotional influence you have, to back off with their whatever, and come with us to space. That… sounds a lot more stupid than it did in my head. Nick, did you get your guardstaff?”

He held up the citrus-green katana, and wiggled his eyebrows. That answers that, I guess.

“Oh, this is going to be one hell of a crapshoot,” I said, hearing the earth-shattering thuds grow ever nearer and closer. Lena, trigger happy as she was, shot a bullet over my shoulder, cracking the door to pieces. “Hey! No shooting!”

“You said shoot.”

“I said crapshoot! That's not a command to try and shoot me in the fucking head!”

She shrugged. “Debatable.”

“Lena, you can't keep doing this,” I told her, “if you keep this up you're going to get someone hurt.”

“That's what I'm aiming for, dumbass.”

“You’re the reason why Julienne's dead!” I slipped. I regretted saying it, but Lena obviously didn't give a shit.

“I'm the reason my parents are dead, bitch! Why the hell do you think I live in a stolen fucking car?!”

I backed off. “You… you live in that car?”

“On a good day, yeah,” she answered, rage leaking out from her eyes, “sometimes it gets stolen back, and I need to put fucking bullets in whatever ass eater took it from me!”

I went quiet, unsure what to make of this. Nick, however, took the opposite approach. He took a long drag of something, and remarked, “Did you know that Las Vegas is one of the few places in the world where prostitution is legal? Cool, right?”

“That has nothing to do with anything!” I yelled at him, “Please, for once, contribute to the conversation!”

He took another drag. “Dogs are weird. Especially newfs. There's so much fur on them. What are they trying to hide?”

“Oh, would you shut UP?!” Lena’s arm extended forcefully to his face, but, reacting as fast as I could, I smacked it away, and went smashing into the ceiling. Rubble fell down, knocking Lena on the head before I could realize what had happened.

“Lena!” I cried, as she fell to the floor, unconscious. “Shitshitshitshit! No, don't conk out on us now!” Then, the loudest thud yet. They were just outside the barricade. Shit. Fuck. Shitfuck.

One last thud, and the barrier was crushed under the weight of a giant, fleshy foot, covered in blood, with bits of metal sticking out of it, for some reason. “What the hell is that?”

A similarly fleshy hand came down, carrying Absinthe and Killian upon it. “It's our latest creation,” Absinthe answered, “dig it?”

“A monster of flesh and metal,” Killian continued, striding forward with his sister, “made of the bodies of hundreds of soldiers, civilians, public servants, and more. This, little lady, is our magnum opus.”

“Stop right there, or I break your spines,” I threatened them, outstretching both my arms. My voice was breaking. I wasn't too fantastic at blind bravery.

Absinthe laughed haughtily. “Don't make me laugh.”

“But, like, you just did,” Nick observed.

“Not now, cutie,” she dismissed him, “besides, if either of you try anything on me, I can slip your hearts right out from under your ribs.”

“And, for good measure,” Killian added, “I can strip the metal right off your blood cells. So, which of us has the advantage here?”

“Nick, give them a little taste of our plan,” I told him. He got up, and stretched out his own arms to them. They went pale, and looked like they were going to throw up. “So, who do you think has the advantage now?”

In a swift motion, Absinthe and Killian had put their holds on us. I felt my muscles tense beyond my control, and my blood slow in my veins. Retaliating, I felt their skeletons with my powers, and adjusted their postures as a show of force.

“Oh,” Absinthe said, fear creeping into her voice, “you weren't kidding, were you?”

“Do you really wanna find out?” I said, a cocky smirk emerging on my face.

“No,” Killian said, thinking about something, “but I have a hunch there's something else you don't want us to find out about. Do you feel it too, sister?”

Absinthe’s cruel smile returned. “Yes, in fact, I think there is.”

This was becoming uncomfortable, even more than it already was. “Maybe it's just my time of the month, did you ever think of that?” I tried to joke.

“Mmm, no, that happens on Tuesday,” Absinthe said, casually searching through my bodily functions, “but I think you're in the right direction. What do you think, big brother?”

“Stop it,” I said.

“There's no blood there yet, no,” Killian observed, “but I'm getting an interesting… deviation in there, somewhere.”

“I said stop it.”

“Oh,” Absinthe epiphanized, “you're a very strange little girl, aren't you? Or, are you a boy?”

I aimed her skull at the ceiling. “Don't. Fucking. Push it.”

“Mm, yes,” Killian cackled, “you're a real mix and match down there. What would happen if I-” 

I twisted his spine backwards. “Don't. Touch.”

“Well, aren't we  _ cocky _ ,” Absinthe said, chuckling to herself.

“That's not for you to know,” I said through gritted teeth.

“Make one more move against her,” Killian threatened, “and I send all that blood rushing out and about. Wouldn't want that, now would you?”

Just in time, Lena crawled back up, awake once more. “Which of you fuckers…”

“Him!” I said, pointing a finger at Killian. Lena’s arm flared to life, and a titanic pink fist shot out and sent the brother into the giant foot. He crumpled against it, and Absinthe cried out for her brother.

“Killian!” she exclaimed. She resisted my control, and her head snapped back into place, and she forced her powers on Lena. The pink fiend froze, but her expression didn't change.

“Bitch.” Her arm shot out again, sending her flying into the casino wall. “Don't mess with my shit.”

My body returned to me, and I could breathe easily. I took a great gasp of air in, and laughed in victory. “Ha! We did it! We actually did something!”

“Dude,” Nick said indignantly, “you punched my chick!”

Outside, whatever the foot belonged to bellowed in pain. It no longer had a master to obey, and didn't know what to do. I walked towards it, and stepped outside of the casino.

The thing that had made the sounds was an amalgam of bodies and metal, shaped into humanoid form, with human features like eyes and mouths dispersed about the skin like pimples. The skin was marbled, and metal peeked out at painful angles, making it look like Frankenstein's cyborg. Blood seeped from innumerable scratches and scars, usually from where metal emerged, but others had certainly been caused by wear and tear.

“What did they do to you?” Looking at the thing was painful enough, but it moaned deeply and desperately, somewhere between a cry for help and metal bending under a great weight.

“I say we kill it,” Lena said, coming in behind me, her hand shaped like a sword.

“Not like that you won't,” I said. I put my hand against the foot of it, and asked, “Who's in there?” 

Hundreds of voices called out, each one answering differently. There were just too many to identify, but I heard one, over all of the others, answer, “Arnold Tomlinson.” It struck me like a knife to the heart. 

“Tomlinson,” I echoed, “how could they do this to you?” It didn't know how to answer. I made a choice, and told it, “Walk with me, big guy. Lena, get Absinthe, Killian, and Nick back to the ship, and wait for Solomon.”

I walked out, through the broken streets, careful not to let it crush anything left standing. So many buildings had been shattered in its wake, and I presumed that its victims had become its components. Slowly, we made our way out into the desert, and it stood as a monolith in the vast emptiness of the plain.

I stroked its foot again. “Time to lie down, buddy.” It heard me, and slowly toppled backwards, creating a dust storm as it fell. It crashed down, components falling off, and breaking apart on the way, as its will to stay together vanished. The sand settled, and it was buried under the fine dust.

“There we go,” I said, brushing the dust off of myself. “Goodnight, buddy.”

Above me, something like thunder sounded. I looked up, and saw a parade of circular spaceships come down from the sky. One in particular descended, and landed before me. “It's about time.”

The door slid down, and Solomon stepped out with a couple others in tow. “Alex!” he greeted me, “Where are the others? Did you manage to convince Killian and Absinthe?”

“Uh, something like that,” I said, smiling sheepishly. “Hey, uh, who’re the chicks?”

“I'll introduce you on the way,” he dismissed, “point us in the direction of the others, and we’ll grab them.”

“They're over there,” I said, pointing into the distance, “but the city is destroyed! We need to help them!” 

“I can take care of that,” said the companion in blue, her armour removing itself to reveal a governmental suit. “Agent Dana Scully, department of defense. That's the right agency, yeah?”

“It should do for now,” Solomon answered, “but, now that we've figured out the pleasantries, we must be going. Come with me, Alex.” I boarded the ship, and waved to the other, nervous companion.

The ship flew away, making a short stop to pick up the others, filling the cabin to the brim with maniacs, and then flew back to the sky. Solomon initiated the totally real hyperdrive, and space blurred together, as we shot off towards our home.


	29. Interlude- Shit, Save The Queen!

Footsteps echoed in the darkness, as soldiers shuffled through an ancient castle. The ceremony of the keys was an ancient, sacred ritual, designed in olden times to protect the Tower of England. It has only never failed to be completed, only being delayed once. The sentry cries out, "Halt, who comes there?" 

The Yeoman Warder replies, "The keys!" 

"Whose keys?" 

Gunshot. Out of the darkness, a man in a white-grey suit stepped into the torchlight. “The King’s keys.” Chaos smiled, and shot the sentry dead, and the soldiers behind him fired their own weapons at him.

“Oh, come now,” Chaos said, grinning, “at least give an old man a chance to defend himself!” He projected a barrier, sending the soldiers flying into the ancient stone walls.

“Right, then,” he said, “let’s get this done.” He stepped out into the courtyard, mowing down any soldiers that dared oppose him, and strode over to the ravens’ cage, and busted down the metal bars. The birds flew off, and into the night.

Chaos laughed into the night. The fall of Britain had begun.

  
  
  


Chaos stabbed, pushed, and shot his way to the topmost tower, and into the chamber of the crown jewels. He cracked off the lock, and tore away the door. 

“Oh, how good it is to be me!” He swiped up a pile of gold jewelry, and placed a crown on top of his head. “Ooh, what's this?” He picked up a golden orb, and inspected it. “Eh, dented.” He tossed it aside, making another, more egregious dent in the side of it.

He swept around the room, kicking at golden and jewels, flinging the priceless artifacts about the chamber. He sat himself down on a pedestal, and remarked, “Well, this got boring fast. I would've thought this felt more rewarding. Hm. Maybe I should've gone to Buckingham palace first…” 

He placed a gilded necklace about his neck, and decked himself in numerous more expensive objects. “Yeah, I, uh, could have done something better.”

He strode from the chamber, and walked around the strangely silent fortress. “Where did everyone go? I mean, I know I killed half of them, but where did the other half go?” He grumbled to himself, and initiated a psychic link with Xander. “Xaaandeeerrr,” Chaos moaned, “I'm booored. Are you done with the crystals?” 

Xander rolled his eyes at the ridiculous immortal. “We're  _ almost _ done,” he answered, “if you keep asking, I'm going to crash this fucking ship on you.”

“Love you, too,” he said, “get down here when you can, I want an audience.”

“Fuck off,” Xander said, and cut the connection. 

Chaos huffed. “How rude.” He wandered out into the courtyard, and could hear sirens and screams in the distance over the sound of heavy rain and thunder. “Now that's what I'm talking about,” he said, grinning up at the night sky. Then, the sky fell. Or, more accurately, something fell through the sky. “What the hell…?”

Ajay, Ian and Drannis again dropped from the sky to foil his plans. Ajay rolled forward, quick to his feet. “Hey jackass, ready for an asswhooping?”

“I don't know,” Chaos said, smiling evilly and drawing his rapier, “are you?”


	30. Ajay- Look Who Decided to Show Up

“You tell me,” I returned.

“You first,” Chaos answered.

“This is… not productive,” Drannis noticed. She drew her axe, and came at Chaos, who easily stepped out of the way.

“No finesse,” he taunted, “this, kids, is how you beat an enemy.” He came running at her, performing a series of expert flips and twists in the air as he swiped at her, making… very minimal cuts to her armour.

“That didn't do anything!” Drannis said to him.

“That's just what I want you to think!” he tried to combat. I brought my gladius out, and struck at his paltry stick of a blade. It disappeared in a mere instant. “I wanted you to think that, too,” he said feebly.

I raised an eyebrow, and swung at him again, lopping off his arm. “Think about that one, then.” It tumbled to the ground, and disintegrated.

“I am beginning to rethink my tactics here,” he said. He slipped away from us, and ran deeper into the courtyard. “XAAANDEEERRR!” he called into the night, “GET THONUR DOWN HERE!” 

“After him!” I commanded. The three of us went full speed at the maniac, but the air before us darkened, and out stepped a blue Guardian pretender. He stuck out his hand, and powerful tendrils of lightning shot forth, blasting me and Drannis across the courtyard.

I managed to get my armour on before I collided, but the hit still did a number on my head. Everything went fuzzy, but I was able to gather my senses very quickly. “Ian! Get away from it!” I told him, even though it wouldn't have any lasting effect if it sliced his head off.

Despite my suspicions, the pretender didn't make any attempt to combat him, even though Ian had drawn his scimitar. It looked… almost sad to see him. Then, the sky lit up, and a bolt came crashing down, directed at Ian’s head. The pretender extended his hand, and the lightning bolt stopped dead in its tracks, hovering centimeters above Ian’s scalp.

Ian shuddered in fear, and stepped back, out from under the threatening bolt. Thonur released it, and it cracked with immense power against the dirt.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Chaos asked his servant, “Kill him!” Thonur turned to Chaos, and shook his head. “Fine!” Chaos huffed, “guess I'll just bring in the cavalry, then. Trombone one! Get in here!” 

Fanfare played through the courtyard, as the weird trombone player came through a portal of shadow, and, trailing behind him, an entourage of more pretender Guardians. They formed a line on either side of Thonur, each of them exuding power and sadistic lust.

“We can take ‘em,” Drannis said, confidently raising her axe.

“No, we really can't,” I said, drawing my gladius in spite of myself, “but we can make a big fucking dent.”

Ian rushed away from the barricade of monsters, and clung to my back. I pushed him in front of me. “Hey, idiot, you're the designated meatshield!”

“Do I have to be?” he asked, trying to cower behind me again.

I brought him out front. “Yes!”

Chaos, now standing atop a wall, cackled down at us. “Oh, you're in a sticky situation, boys. Just you against all of my Demig- wait, where’s Venus? She was supposed to be here. Ravana, where's Venus? I'm not seeing her.”

“Dead,” the steaming, red Demiguard answered.

“Euw,” Chaos acknowledged, “that's not great. Well, guess we'll have to make do. Demiguard, destroy them!”

The monstrous Guardian wannabes came running at us, roaring and screaming, and summoning elemental weapons, pulled from around them. I raised my sword, and screamed against them. “LET'S DO THIS, SHITHEADS!”

The green one pounced at me, whipping at me with slipstreams of acid. I raised my sword against him, but the whips sliced through it, and he sent me to the ground, hunched over me like a wolf over its prey. 

“Don't touch him!” Ian cried, taking his scimitar to its side. It reeled backwards, and I took the killing blow with my gladius, cleaving its head off. 

Another came down at us, breathing fire, and six steaming, fiery hands emerged from its back, and I decided to go up against it. By gladius grew into a longsword, and I pierced its chest. It screamed, but didn't die. It gripped me with its flaming hands, and breathed fire into my mouth. I coughed. “You call that an attack?” It looked at me quizzically, but this look was quickly swept away as Drannis came in and stuck an arrow through its eye.

“Got you covered,” she quipped. The arms faded, and I slashed through its torso. 

“Three left!” Ian updated us from the sidelines.

“Got it!” I said, “Maybe you could help us with this for once?”

“No thanks!”

“Fuck you!” The third, and biggest yet heaved before us like a mountain. It raised a monumentous fist, and brought it down on me. I held up a riot shield, barely able to hold it up with the whole force of my body. “Maybe help NOW?!” I reinforced.

“Busy!” Drannis said, trying her best to chase down the teleporting trombone guy.

“Right, uh,” Ian stuttered, “I got this!” He held up his guardstaff as a rifle, and fired at the Demiguard's wrist. It pierced coming out the other side. I switched my guardstaff into a sword again as I felt it recoil from the shot, and sliced its fingers off. 

“Now the neck!” I commanded him.

“What?!”

“THE NECK!” Thonur came in from the side, and blew me aside with a lightning bolt. “TAKE THE SHOT, IAN!” I reiterated.

He held up the gun, and, afraid, fired towards its general head area. It pierced something, and the titan reeled backwards, and fell into the grass.

Thonur continued his onslaught, whipping me on the sides, shocking me violently, to where I was barely able to think straight, I tried to hold up my gladius, but he shocked it out of my hands. My vision was blurry, but I could see him charging a blast of electric fury. 

“Please,” I pleaded, certain of my demise. He ignored me, and prepared to strike.

“NO!” Ian shouted, and stepped between the two of us. Thonur seemed shocked, and relinquished his charge. He backed away, and left us alone. Ian helped me up, and Thonur left us alone, walking back over to Chaos.

“You are worthless!” Chaos shouted down to his minions, “Why did I even revive you?!”

I heard a trombone play a loud note, and saw the trombone player vanish into a shadow. Drannis put down her axe in relief, and gave us a thumbs-up.

“Oh, come on!” Chaos complained from the battlements, “You're all shit! Thonur, you suck! Kill at least  _ one _ of them!”

The blue Demiguard shook his head. “Please?” Chaos asked again. Thonur crossed his arms. “Fuck you! Oh, could this day get any more disappointing?”

Then, coming down through the clouds, was a crowd of UFO-shaped spaceships. “CHAOS!” Solomon's voice shouted, magnified through the ship’s speakers, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!”

“COME DOWN HERE AND GET ME, GEEZER!” Chaos shouted up at them. One ship descended into the field, and Solomon, Nick, Lena, Alex, and… uh, some lady in gold, stepped out onto the battlefield.

“Chaos,” Solomon said to his brother, “what are you trying to do?”

“End the world, brother!” Chaos answered.

“Then what are you trying to achieve?” Solomon inquired further.

“Not much,” Chaos said, leaning against a pole, “it's just kind of my thing.”

Solomon growled at his brother, and asked again, “Why are you doing this?!”

“Because I,” Chaos said, summoning a cape, and letting it flap in the wind, “am the world's greatest contrarian! The official opposition leader, you might say. Brother, you of all people should know this. I've been killing en masse ever since it's been in style.”

“It's never been in style!” Solomon retorted.

“Not your style, maybe,” he said, “but that's the thing about us. You say I've always been evil, and you've always been good, but, tell me, what's the difference? I raise students, I unite them for a cause, I teach them how to use their powers, and I make sure, that, one day, they will die fighting. Isn't that just what you do, brother? Can you say you're any different from me?”

“Yes, I can,” Solomon shouted defensively, “because I don't kill people indiscriminately!”

“Oh, sure,” Chaos returned, “you kill them selectively! You find people to hate, and take them out when you feel they need to have their lives over with. So what happens when you decide mass murder is moral? I start handing out the death cure, that's what! In fact, I've even found myself a few guinea pigs for my little vaccine. Let’s see if you think they deserve live, or if they should go the way of good ol’ Abraham Lincoln. Thonur, why don't you show them what you're really made of?”

Thonur stepped forward, and his armour peeled away. It was a face I knew. A face I trusted. A face I wished had been mine. A face, perfectly preserved from the day it had been first stripped of life.

Gordon.


	31. Ajay- The One That Fucked Off

“Guardians of Lightning are a particular source of interest to me,” Chaos said, pacing the battlements, “the Stones will preserve the brain functions of their host, even if the body has begun to necrotize, and even if the Stone is removed. I found this one buried, preserved under a layer of pavement, and thought, ‘How much pain could I inflict with this one?’ I had to put the original Stone back in to really get his motor running, but, once I placed the Demiguard Stone in, mortality was no object. At least, not for us. So, tell me, Guardians, now that you’ve got him, what are you going to do with him?”

I stared Gordon in the eyes, and I had no idea what to make of him. “It’s not natural,” Solomon said, “Chaos, you shouldn’t have done this.”

“Do what? Bring back a victim of a fruitless sacrifice? Besides, Alpha did the same thing for billions upon billions of other innocents, what stopped them from doing the same to this poor boy?”

“Well, they- they…”

“They sat by and did nothing,” Chaos said, sneering, “just like with every other thing that I’ve done. If I’m the villain, then why haven’t the heroes stopped me?”

“We’re fucking about to,” I said, drawing my sword, “everyone, on my mark.”

“What are you going to do,” Chaos asked, “kill a friend? Kill a friend who already gave his life for you all?”

“If we have to,” I said, taking an aggressive stance. I roared, and ran out into the field, ready to take them both down if I had to. Thonur, or Gordon, or whoever he was, sent out a bolt of lightning, sending me flying into the wall yet again. I really needed to think these things through. 

Chaos cackled down at us. “Anyone else?”

Ian stepped forward. Dragging his feet along the ground, he faced no opposition. 

“What’s he doing?” the girl in gold asked. 

“Yeah, I have the same question,” Chaos agreed, “the  _ fuck _ do you think you’re doing?” Ian continued his march. Step by step, he made his way towards Gordon. Step by step, step by step. He was halfway across the field, when it started raining. Not actual rain, though, because nothing can be nice like that. Crystals fell from the sky, landing every few metres. Ian ignored this, but one of the crystals hit me on the head.

“Ow!” I exclaimed. “What the hell is this?”

Chaos chuckled again, because that’s the one thing he’s good at. “My master plan. I call them the- oh, for fuck’s sake, is he still going?!”

Ian was still moving onward. In turn, Gordon took a few wobbly steps towards him. “Hello? Hello?! Can you fucking not right now? You’re  _ ruining _ my evil monologue!”

They didn’t stop. Stepping through the mud, through the rubble and over the bodies of Demiguard, the finally met each other. “Gordon, I’m… I’m sorry.”

Tears fell down the Demiguard’s face, mixing invisibly with the rain. A small smile grew on his face. Gordon outstretched his arms, and wrapped them around Ian. 

“Thank you,” Ian said quietly, his voice cracking as he greeted his old friend. “I’m so sorry.”

Gunshot. Ian reeled backwards, as Chaos aimed down, and put a bullet through his shoulder. “Oh, shit, oh, that hurts,” Ian moaned, as he hit the ground, “oh, somebody kill me now. Oh, that’s not coming out soon, oh, fuck, please help.”

“Right, then,” the madman declared, “now that the touchy-feely’s done with, Thonur, let’s get out of here.”

Gordon turned around, his face lit with rage. His wings spread, and he landed before Chaos on the wall. They both sneered at each other, but Gordon went peacefully.

“Xander,” Chaos said to no-one, “it’s time to go.” Chaos fell into nothing with Gordon, and the earth began to tremble.

The girl in gold started to freak out.

“AAAH! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!” she cried.

“Jane, Jane, listen to me,” Solomon said calmly, taking her by the shoulders, “they are both going to be alright.”

“I THOUGHT YOU SAID THAT GUY WAS DEAD?!”

“Yes, well, that doesn’t seem to be an issue anymore,” Solomon explained, “everyone, in the ship! We need to get out of here!”

“But the crystals!” Alex reminded us.

“The crystals will be here when we get back,” Solomon said, “I assure you, now let’s go!” We shuffled into the ship, and just barely managed to fit all of us in. Seriously, nine people? In one ship? Just try and fucking spread your legs in there, man, you could fucking crack a nut between those things in more ways than one. A pair of unconscious guys were laid out on the seats, and Solomon propped them up against each other. 

“Unless you want to drive,” Solomon said, “I would recommend getting into a seat. Everyone sat down very quickly, leaving me sitting between Nick on one side and some unconscious fucks on the other. Good times.

“So, uh,” I began, “the fuck’s happening here?”

“We are getting out of here,” Solomon answered, “and getting back to the school. I need to get the ships up and running. Whatever Chaos has planned, we need an evacuation team.” He began to steer the ship, and crystals slammed against the viewscreen. As they hit, I recognized the shape. Guardian Stone-like constructs, with large chunks taken out of them.

“Solomon,” I said to him, “I think I know what those things are.”

Someone chuckled. “You mean the Chaos Seeds?” The girl sitting besides me had woken up, and was grinning madly.

“Can someone get her away from me?” I asked.

“Pussy,” Lena muttered under her breath.

“Shut up!” I snapped at her.

“Bitch, I lost an arm, the fuck have you done?”

“Suffered emotional trauma,” Ian answered for me, gripping his bullet wound hard, “earned his actual wings by trying to save me, and was generally, you know, A GOOD PERSON! By the way, I AM BLEEDING OUT FROM A BULLET WOUND!” She punched him in the face, and a tooth came out. “FUCK! Ugh, oh, fuck, oh, I’m gonna be sick!”

“Well, if you’re gonna vom,” Nick offered, “I can just pull that shit outta ya right now, my dude.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Alex supposed.

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!” Jane yelled.

“Would you all just SHUT UP?!” Solomon shouted over the ruckus, “I am flying a spaceship, made with technology far beyond your comprehension, and now is not the time to be throwing a collective tantrum!”

“Not to be a dick, but, uh, you’re kind of doing it, too,” Drannis said meekly. Solomon turned, and gave her the most rage-filled glare I had ever seen out of any person, including from Lena, which says fucking something.

“Shut. The hell. UP! I’m plotting an autopilot course now, but that’s no reason to keep pissing me off! And someone get that bullet out of Ian!”

“Yes, do that!” Ian encouraged.

“You shut up, too!” Solomon reinforced, “Absinthe, help him out.”

“Why? I’m not on your side,” the girl next to me retorted.

Alex stood up, and took her by the throat. “Help him, or your spine is going to be missing a few fucking links.” She tossed her down, and took her seat again. Absinthe went to work on Ian’s shoulder, sealing up the bloody wound. He wasn’t helping, trying to squirm out of it any chance he got. She finally managed to get it done, and the orange bullet came out, shattering as it hit the floor.

“There, happy?” she said, going back to her seat.

“Could you, uh, sit somewhere else?” I asked. She glared at me, and I shuffled as close to Nick as I could, which is, under most circumstances, would be horribly unthinkable, but, the way things were going, something this strange was bound to happen sooner or later.

Solomon sighed, and took a deep breath. “Apologies,” he said, turning to us, “it’s just been a very long day.”

“It’s no problem,” Ian said, still nursing his bullet wound, “it happens to all of us. Mostly…” Lena gave him a death stare. “Nick.”

Nick put something unidentifiable in his mouth. “Does it? Wow, I never realized.” If my hand had had range of motion right then, I would’ve slapped myself, and then him. Then, something appeared on the viewscreen.

“Hello, mortals!” Chaos greeted us over space-Skype, mugging for the camera, “Welcome to the apocalypse!”

“Or, as I like to call it,” Xander said from the background, “Tuesday.”

“Yes, well, aren’t you witty,” Chaos said to him, unimpressed, “now, before we begin the annihilation of this pitiful planet, let’s set ourselves a location for a final showdown between good and evil, shall we? So, I was thinking somewhere in Bangladesh, or perhaps in the greater Beijing area. Any thoughts?”

“Chaos, what are those crystals?” Solomon demanded.

“Mmm, where are you kids from? Halifax? Nova Scotia, yes?” Chaos rambled, “How about that citadel place. That seems appropriate.”

“CHAOS!” Solomon demanded, even angrier and louder than before, “What are those crystals?”

Chaos chuckled. “You mean the Chaos Seeds?”

“Yes,” Solomon said, “your underling just used that same line. Now, what are they?”

“Hey, I’m nobody’s underling!” Absinthe exclaimed.

“No, you’re an underling,” Xander corrected her, “you’re not even a good one.”

“Oh, you bitch!” Absinthe said, standing up and letting her unconscious brother fall into my lap, “I’m way better than you, you little shit! Chaos, I’m not fixing her up, I shouldn’t have to!”

Suddenly, tendrils of shadow crept up Absinthe’s body, and wrapped around her neck. “Sorry,” Chaos said, “I’m afraid that’s not an option, if you want to live, at least.” The tendrils vanished, and Absinthe fell to the floor, gasping. “So, back on topic, final battle? Anyone?”

“The crystals!” Solomon reminded him, slamming his hands against the dashboard. “What do they do?!”

Chaos cackled, leaning backwards. “The Chaos Seeds, as I have dubbed them, are based on my classic monster-making technology, of course, given a significant upgrade in… hmhm,  _ size. _ ”

“Okay, first off,” I interrupted, “don’t call something your seeds, and then brag about their size. That’s- that’s not a thing you should do. Like, ever.”

“Why? What’s wrong with that?”

“Just- just don’t.”

“Well,” Chaos continued, “if you want to see what  _ sowing chaos _ looks like, take a look around you.” He grinned evilly, and the viewscreen faded out, revealing London before us.

Titanic monsters roamed the landscape, of various elemental makeups. An amorphous monster of water and ice emerged from a lake in the middle of a park, and an amalgamated, canine beast of metal and stone trudged through the city.

Chaos laughed at us over the comms. “Amalgams of the elements, absorbing the properties of their surroundings. Now, back to what  _ I  _ was talking about, Halifax citadel, yes?”

Solomon sighed, and gave in. “Fine. But, if we win, you withdraw your forces from this planet, and all other planets, and you give us Xander and the others. Are we clear?”

“Fiiine,” Chaos grumbled, “but, if I win, I get to destroy this planet.”

Solomon gulped. “It’s a deal, then.”

“I’ll see you there, brother,” Chaos said, and cackled evilly. The audio cut out, and we were left alone.

“I’m going to send for an evacuation force,” Solomon said, “and get as many people off of this planet as possible. We’re going to give Chaos his fight, but not his prize.”

Absinthe laughed at us. “You’re dead meat,” she said, “just you wait.”

“Shut up,” we all said at once. But the thought lingered in my mind. This was not going to go well.


	32. Interlude- I Have Several Questions

Chaos stepped out of his saucer onto the field of the Halifax citadel, and shot a pair of guards dead. “Bada bing, bada boom!” he said, and laughed at his own cleverness.

Xander, Thonur and Cornelius stepped out behind him. “Why are you like this?” Xander asked him.

“As I understand, there is something fundamentally improper with my psyche,” Chaos said, twirling his pistols, “but, really, that’s just the brim of the asshat.”

“Again, I ask, why are you like this?”

“I’m with him on this one,” Cornelius agreed.

Thonur gestured in agreement. “Shut up, blue!” Chaos snapped at him, “Honestly, no flair at all. So, how do we want to go about this? Musical number? Oh, oh, maybe a duet duel?”

“I am going to smack you,” Xander reiterated.

“Well, one of you get the sound system set up,” Chaos said, sweeping around and swishing his cape, “I will be clearing out the personnel.” Chaos stepped away, and shot another guard down. “Oh, I love this place! These Canadians are absolutely defenseless, it’s fantastic!”

He walked away into a hallway, and his three subservients were left to their own devices, to set up Chaos’ devices. Xander looked up into the sky, and saw crystals falling in the distance, and titanic monsters of concrete and iron towering over the city. 

“What do you think Chaos is trying to do with those?” Xander asked, “With this whole plan?”

Cornelius shrugged. “I don’t know. I thought you did.”

Xander lifted a large speaker over his head, and out of the ship. “So, what did he offer you for this?”

He contemplated this. “Fame. I wanted to rule the world. I wanted to show everyone what I could really be. He gave me a chance.”

“Still think it’s worth it?” Xander asked, setting up the cords and wiring the speaker into the ship.

Corn plugged something in as well. “I dunno. I still want those things, but… yeah. What did he offer you?”

Xander heaved another speaker out. “Lots of things. Mostly… a change.”

“What’s that mean?”

Xander indicated his torso. Corn raised his eyebrows in recognition. “Why do you make such a big deal about it, anyways?” he asked.

“Because it is a big deal,” Xander said, going to pull a drink from the fridge that was hidden in the ship.

“Not to me,” he said. Xander furrowed his brow, and offered him a drink. “Orange juice?”

Corn waved his hand, and dismissed him. “I’m good.”

Xander cracked open a can, and gave Thonur a long look. “Corn, how much do you know about the elements?” he asked.

Corn shrugged. “Probably less than you. Why?”

“Nothing,” Xander lied, and took a drink from the can. “I’m going to go talk with Chaos for a minute. Be right back.” 

Xander stepped into the courtyard, and followed the sound of gunshots, and a trail of bodies. He went up a few flights of stairs, where Chaos had loaded one of the ancient artillery cannons. “Chaos?” he asked.

“Yes?” Chaos said, bending over and lighting the cannon’s wick.

“Do you know… is there something about me you’re not telling me?”

Chaos stood upright. “What do you mean?” It was very strange to see him behaving somewhat seriously.

“That Ajay kid, he- he said something about a Guardian of Sound. Am I… am I that Guardian?”

Chaos dropped the match, and put his hands on Xander’s shoulders. “Xander, listen to me. No matter what you are or who you grow to become, you will always be close to my heart, and I will always love you for you.”

“That’s cheesy,” Xander dismissed him, “tell me something that actually matters.”

Chaos made a strange face, and moved his hands like they were a weighing scale. “Ehh… y’know, just kinda… y’know.” Xander cocked an eyebrow. “Listen, ask me again later, I need my exposition to be as dramatic as possible. Now, run along, I have a city to explode.”

Xander rolled his eyes, and stepped back down the battlements, as the cannon exploded into the city. “I think I just shot out a Scotiabank building! Hoo-wee! You should really be here to see this, it’s fantastic!”

He took a final swig from his drink, and returned to the ship. Now, all that there was left to do was kill them all. Every. Last. One of them.


	33. Ajay- Everything Continues To Be Stupid

The ship flew over the Atlantic Ocean, passing by more of Chaos’ creations. For an immortal trickster god, he sure had a lot of time to make random shit. We had reorganized ourselves in the cabin, so that Solomon sat between Nick, Lena, and the Wonder Twins on either side of him, and that I was sandwiched between Ian, Alex, with Drannis and Jane on the ends. We all took turns sighing heavily, with very little conversation spread between us. 

Ian turned the canine tooth that Lena had knocked from his mouth in his hand, and rubbed at the gap it had once occupied with the other. “How the hell am I going to eat meat with this?” he asked.

I pulled down my own lip for a split second, and responded, “You’ll live. Hey, we match now, at least.”

He giggled a little. Alex laughed as well. 

Absinthe groaned, and rolled her eyes at us. “Don’t you two ever stop?”

“Why should we?” I asked defensively. 

“It’s wrong,” she said simply, “fucking weirdos.”

Solomon gripped her by the ear, and pulled as she yelped and tried to escape his wrath. “Shut up.” He let go, and she snapped back upright, still scowling at us. 

“Hey, space boyfriend,” I prompted Ian, “let’s see if they can fit together.” I put my hands to his cheeks, and pulled him into a kiss. He flailed a little in surprise, but didn’t protest any further. I heard Absinthe cry out in disgust, and Alex and Ian high-fived over my shoulder.

“Let it go,” Absinthe’s brother said, conscious, but still somewhat groggy.

“But they’re-” she said feebly.

“You’re one to talk,” he shot back, “and so am I.” She gasped at the scandal once again, and there was a distinct sound of someone getting smacked in the face. “OW!” Killian exclaimed.

I pulled away from Ian’s face, and he brushed a strand of hair out of his face. “Yours is on the other side,” I said, “not quite what I was hoping for, but it’s fine.” 

He wiped his lips. “I liked it well enough.” Something outside roared, and Ian’s gaze was drawn to the viewscreen. A giant, fleshy fish monster, like an angler with its scales torn off, bit through a military-looking ship. He frowned.

I put a hand on his shoulder. “Hey. It’s going to be fine.”

“Oh, no it isn’t,” Killian corrected me, “even if your evacuation effort succeeds, there’s still going to be a few million deaths by the time they arrive. Just be glad you’re not down there with them.”

“It’s not your fault, anyways,” I reassured Ian.

“Oh, yes it is,” Killian corrected me again, “you had a recent confrontation with Chaos, yes? Well, had you succeeded, this catastrophe could’ve been averted.”

“I will spear you with something,” I threatened him.

He scoffed. “You can try.” The pair of us stood up to oppose the other, and held out dormant guardstaffs.

“You wanna go?” I asked him, gripping the hilt in my hand.

“Sit down, the both of you,” Solomon said, completely exasperated with us both. We disobeyed his order, and drew our weapons. My gladius burned to life, and he summoned a silvery glaive. 

“I said sit down!” Solomon said, himself standing up. 

Ian tugged at my hand, and shook his head. “He’s not worth it.”

“No, he is,” I said, turning the blade in my hand, “this fucker’s going to get what he deserves.”

“I said,” Solomon reiterated, “sit _ DOWN! _ ” Some force was exerted from him, and we were pushed back into our seats. I landed on Ian’s lap by accident, but neither of us argued.

“Ugh, they’re doing it again!” Absinthe complained. 

“Ugh,  _ you’re _ doing it again!” Alex argued for us.

“Can you try not to kill each other for  _ five seconds?!” _ Solomon asked forcefully, sitting back down in his seat. He jumped back up, and turned to discover that he had accidentally sat on a cigarette. “Nikolas!”

“Oh, right,” Nick slurred, “I forgot I put that there.” He took the butt-butt, and put it in his mouth. Solomon rubbed his temples, and sat back down.

“One of you is going to be the death of me, someday,” he complained.

“I hope so,” Lena muttered.

“I heard that,” he reprimanded her.

“That was the point, dumbass.” They exchanged murderous glares, but quieted down. 

“Sooo… what’s the deal with Xaneeta, anyways?” Alex asked.

“Xander,” Ian corrected her.

“Right on,” she said, and produced a pair of finger guns, “can’t imagine this has been easy on him.”

“He’s a mass murderer,” I interjected, “why should we be feeling sorry for him?”

Alex shrugged. “I dunno. I just imagine he’s kind of had a shit go of it. He’s with Chaos, remember?”

“She has a point,” Ian agreed.

“You gave them juice when they were actively trying to  _ fucking kill us _ ,” I reprimanded him, “you don’t  _ get _ an opinion on this!”

“Can someone please explain what’s happening?” Jane asked meekly.

“Space bullshit,” Ian answered simply.

“Can we get some clarity on that?” Drannis asked. 

“Probably not,” I interjected.

“Who wants some weed?” Nick asked. Lena punched him. Quality interactions, everyone. Good stuff.

Suddenly, and without warning, something hit the ship. The vessel shuddered, and I fell sideways into Alex, and quickly righted myself. The roof caved in in the pattern of a gripping hand. It turned beyond our control, and we came face to face with a stone giant, dripping with a layer of water skin. Glowing yellow eyes stared at us, and the cavernous mouth laughed at us.

“WHAT THE HELL IS-” Jane began to scream, but Alex put her hand over her mouth.

“Space magic,” she said indifferently. The monster moved the ship around like a minuscule frisbee, and got ready to throw.

“Here we go again,” I sighed. The monster threw the ship, and everyone went flying through the cabin. It became a blender of idiots, and I think I accidentally touched at least three butts. Everyone but Solomon screamed, Jane producing the loudest volume, and Ian the highest and most violent note.

“WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?!” I shouted over the insanity.

“THE UNIVERSE IS DESIGNED TO INCONVENIENCE ITS INHABITANTS!” Ian replied.

“MAKES SENSE!” I shouted back. The ship flipped over and around, and, judging by the loud crack of stone against metal, I figured we hit the citadel. The ship came to a screeching halt, of which we were the screeching part. 

“Is everyone alive?” Solomon asked from underneath Killian.

“Debatable,” Ian answered.

“WHAT WAS THAT?” Jane shouted.

“You know,” Solomon said, getting out from under Killian, “Jane, sometimes you should just roll with what’s happening. Because, in this instance, I have no fucking clue. Lena, the door, please.”

“Thank fuck,” Lena said, lifting Nick off herself, and tossing him into a wall.

“YACK!” he cried. She punched him again.

“Let’s wind this one up,” she said, and summoned her giant fist. It twirled in a circle, like a pitcher ready to throw, and flung the massive pink wad at the sideways door, sending it soaring across the citadel grounds. “That’s more fucking like it!”

We stepped out of the crashed ship, and saw Chaos in the middle of the grounds, standing before his henchmen and their ship.

“You’re right on time,” he said, grinning madly.

“Glad we weren’t late,” Solomon said, “traffic was hell.”

“Just- just shut up,” Xander interrupted, “the both of you.”


	34. Ajay- Music of the Stars

“Alright, Chaos,” Solomon spat, “let’s get this the hell over with.”

“Ap-buh-buh,” Chaos shushed him, “we’ve got to set the mood, first. Xander, play us something… violent.”

“Are you serious?!” Solomon shouted up at his brother, “You want  _ music?!” _

“He’s serious,” Xander answered, fiddling with an iPod. The speakers they had set up soon erupted in jagged guitar chords, and shook the earth with a heavy drumbeat.

“There we go,” Chaos said, throwing his head back in glee. He swept around in his absurd cape, and faced away from us. He turned back around with lightning speed, now holding a microphone, and his armour covered in glitter.

“Are you fucking serious right now?” I asked. Xander nodded.

“And now, ladies, gentlemen, and variations thereupon,” Chaos said into the microphone, “it’s time for the final showdown of good and evil! A battle for the ages, rated PG-13!”

“Get to the fucking point!” I shouted up at him.

“Make that R-rated,” Chaos adjusted, “honestly, how impolite of you to use up our one allotted fuck? And now, boys, girls, and variants upon the theme, get ready for one! Last! Reveal! Xander, sweetheart, step right up and show us all what the hell you can do!”

Xander put the device aside, and stepped in front of Chaos. His armour peeled off, and he moved the hair off of his face, displaying the stolen Stones on his forehead. Underneath the armour, he had been wearing not much beyond a tight wrapping of cloth around his ribs, and black sweatpants. “Now, Xander, bring down the curtains!” Xander rumbled from stress, and the sky darkened. The clouds didn’t move, nor the sun vanish from the sky, but shadows grew and covered the landscape. Then, the sun was engulfed in shadow, leaving us in nighttime darkness. 

He screamed under the stress and intensity of the action, and fell to his knees. “Come on, boy, you’ve got more in you, I know it!” Chaos encouraged him.

“That’s too much,” Corn tried to stop him, “can’t you see he’s in pain!”

“Talk to the cape, kid,” Chaos dismissed, sweeping the large garment in his way, “nothing he hasn’t felt before. Now, time for the big moment you’ve all been waiting for, the debut of the last! Guardian! OF!  _ SOUND!” _

Xander continued to strain himself, and the Stones on his forehead began to rattle against each other. “AAARGH!” he screamed, and the Stones came flying off. They went soaring through the air, and into the sky, as the shadow upon the sun faded away. The Stones had left their mark on him, though, as scars had formed around their borders. 

“Play us a song, Xander,” Chaos said, stepping beside his pupil, “you’re the music man!”

Ian snapped his fingers. “That’s where I heard Xaneeta before!”

“What?” I asked.

“That was the name of one of the characters!” he explained.

“No, what the hell does that have to do with anything?!”

“Uh… I thought it was nifty?”

“Now,” Chaos continued, “it’s time for the-” The music pulsed, and crescendoed to a head, tearing through the ground like an earthquake. “BASS DROP!”

It throbbed, and grew again, but, this time, Xander was aiding it. He cried in excruciating pain, producing booming sounds of immense magnitude. “COME ON!” I shouted over the noise, “WE NEED TO STOP HIM!” I pressed forward, gladius drawn, but the waves of sound pushed me backwards.

“I really need to think these things through,” I said to myself.

“Here,” Alex said, heaving me over her shoulder, “I'll give you a boost.”

“Wait, WHAT?!” Before I could fully process it, she had thrown me like a javelin into the courtyard. I spread my wings, and was able to soar towards the intimidating quartet. Thonur extended his hand, and shot me from the air, and I tumbled down and backwards onto the courtyard. Xander's music rang through my ears, and I felt like I was going deaf, until it quieted, and I could hear the music played through the speaks prevail. A low cello tune played, and I looked up to see Xander, standing hunched over and exhausted.

Cornelius rushed to his side. “Are you alright?” he asked.

“I'm fine,” Xander dismissed him. “Untie my binding.”

“What?” Corn asked.

“Do as he says,” Chaos encouraged him, looming over them like a dictative lord. I scraped at the ground, trying to get to my feet, but the shock had messed me up pretty bad.

“Ian,” I called weakly.

He was already running before the music had stopped. “I'm here,” he confirmed, “you good?”

“Not really,” I answered, my voice cracking, “I feel… crispy.” He chuckled, and held me close to himself. I poked my head over his shoulder, and saw Corn fiddling frantically with the white wrapping on Xander's chest. I saw him pull a thread, and it fell off, revealing breasts that had been forcefully compressed almost down to the bone.

“Cornelius, hand him your guardstaff,” Chaos instructed, “it's time to make old Lady Macbeth proud!”

Cornelius handed over the weapon hilt, and Xander summoned the pair of blades that Xaneeta had once been known for, but this time a bright, transparent orange. Xander twirled the blades in his hands, and positioned them both between the flesh of his breasts and chest, and cleaved upwards. He cried out in pain, and the worthless sacks of fat fell to the ground in a bloody display.

“Eugh,” I remarked, “Ian, don't turn around. You don't want to see that.”

“Yeesh,” I heard Alex remark, “that's gotta hurt.”

“That's fuckin’ metal, man!” Nick commented.

“Attaboy!” Chaos congratulated Xander. Xander heaved in pain, and new armour peeled up his body to seal the wounds. Orange plates clung to his skin, flattening his chest, and covering his face, hiding his agony. “Absinthe, Killian, time to play your part,” Chaos instructed.

Ian lifted me up to face the action, and I saw the insane siblings rushing into the yard and twirling around each other, spinning and spinning until neither was distinguishable from the other. Then, they slowed down, and their indistinct nature was given a reason. Their flesh had been intertwined, becoming a hideous something that looked like Frankenstein's chocolate-vanilla swirl. Four-armed and built like a tank, it lumbered towards the team.

“Nothing like sibling bonding,” they said speaking in both of their voices at the same time. I heard Jane scream loudly, and the monster fusion roared at them. They chuckled. “I don't think they like us, brother,” it said in Absinthe's voice.

“They'll learn to love us, then,” Killian reasoned. The abomination roared, and rushed towards our team. I tried to run to save them, but I stumbled over my own feet, and Ian had to catch me.

“Woah, tiger,” he said, “they can handle themselves.”

“But I have to- agh!” I tripped over my leg, and into Ian. We landed in the dirt, and were forced to watch as that thing beat the everloving shit out of our friends.

I struggled to escape Ian’s grasp, but he held me close for my safety. “Let… me… go!” I tried to kick him away, and he yelped, and reluctant let me go. I stumbled to my feet, but landed in the dirt again. I turned my face from the dirt, and saw them being absolutely demolished by the hideous mashup of a living thing.

Alex, tried to hurl rocks at them, but it shrugged them off like snowflakes. Drannis and Jane tried to combat them with their own elemental powers, but they cancelled each other out. A hand I expected was controlled by Absinthe held Nick aloft, and the rest were cracking the bones of the others in the team, one even catching Solomon’s spear.

I tried to shoot out a burst of flame, but all I did was sear the grass. I heard the music slow, and turn to a minor key, as I saw the Guardians fall one by one. The despair of the situation was set like concrete by the pathetic fallacy of the tune. Chaos cackled over the disarray of us, and bid the monster, “Bring them to me.”

The Absinthe-Killian combination lifted them up into its monstrous arms, and carried them before their master. “DON’T TOUCH THEM!” Ian shouted, getting to his feet, and whipping out his scimitar. They laughed at him, grabbed the scimitar in one hand, and snapped it to crystalline pieces. They lifted him up, and slammed him into the ground. I outstetched my hand in a feeble attempt to help them, but all it did was draw Absinthe and Killian’s attention.

They outstretched a pair of hands, and my body was rocketed towards them. I landed with my neck in their hand, choking the air out of me. “What?” they spoke at once, “Scared of little old us? Golly, that’s not very nice! We’re going to have to punish you!” They squeezed harder, and then threw me to the ground, landing on top of the others.

“Very good, very good,” Chaos said as the music swelled again, “now, which of you wants to finish them off?”

There was silence from the Xander and Cornelius. Thonur was quiet, too, but that was a normal thing.

Chaos turned to them. “What? No takers? Oh, I’m disappointed. Well, let’s at least  _ try  _ and make it interesting. Xander, cut the music. Let’s hear what you can play for us.”

Cornelius instead fumbled with the iPod, and tore it from the cord. Xander popped his head up, and stepped unsurely to his feet, leaning on his comrade. A small tune played from him, recognizable enough to us all.

“ _ Night time sharpens, heightens each sensation _ ,” Chaos sang, in a surprisingly beautiful voice, “oh, I like this one, this is nice.  _ Silently the senses, abandon their defenses! Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendour, grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender-” _ Then, another track played over him.

Solomon shuffled out from the pile, and sang, “ _ There, out in the darkness, a fugitive running, fallen from God, fallen from grace, lord be my witness, I never shall yield, till we come face to face, till we come face to face. _ ”

“Oh, a duet is it?” Chaos said, smiling eagerly. “ _ Turn your face away from the garish light of day! Turn your thoughts away from cold unfeeling light, and listen to the music of the night!” _

_ “He knows his way in the daaark, but mine’s the way of the looord, and those who follow the path of the righteooous, shall have their rewaaard,” _ Solomon accused.

“ _ Close your eyes and surrender to your dark-est dreams, purge your thoughts of the life you knew before-” _

_ “And if they fall as Lucifer fell, the flaaames, the swooord!” _ Solomon fought back. 

“ _ Close your eyes, let your spirit start to soooar,”  _ Chaos countered.

“ _ AND SO IT MUST BE! FOR SO IT IS WRITTEN,” _ Solomon raged, “ _ ON THE DOORWAYS TO PARADISE, THAT THOSE WHO FALTER AND THOSE WHO FALL! SHALL PAAAY THE PRIIICE!” _

“ _ AND LISTEN TO THE MUSIC OF THE-” _ Chaos continued, but Xander prevailed, shouting above their voices.

“ENOUGH!” he shouted, sending a quieting bass blast rippling between the two of them. There was quiet. “I’ve had,” he breathed, “enough.”

“Xander,” Solomon said, taking slow, deep breaths, “you told me you don’t want to serve under him. You told me you don’t want to kill innocents, or really even criminals. Come with us, and shed your past. Become who you were born to be.”

“Born to be?” Chaos asked, “Xander, the people of this universe hate who you were born to be! A man grown as a woman, what worse could there be to them?! You see your scars? Those are just a  _ taste _ of what they would do to you! And my brother here, well,  _ he  _ wants you to  _ save the lives _ of those very same people!”

“Xander, my brother is a monster,” Solomon argued, “look at what he made Gordon into! Look what he has made you and Cornelius do! Look at Absinthe and Killian!” The fused monster huffed indignantly. “Are these the people you want as your family? As your heroes?!”

Xander held his head in his hands. “I- I-!” he stuttered.

“WHAT’S IT GOING TO BE, XANDER?!” Chaos roared, looming over him. 

Cornelius moved in towards his friend, and grasped his hand firmly. “It’s okay. I’m here.” Xander sniffed, and stood up. Then, in a single swift move of the hand, he swung a hideous tone Chaos’ way, and there was a loud crack.

Chaos looked like the fear of the devil had been instilled in him. “Xander,” he said, fear breaking his voice, “Xander what have you done?”

“I broke you like you broke us,” Xander spat.

“Xander, no,” Chaos pleaded, and fell to his knees. Orange blood began to bleed from his skin, which looked like it was tearing itself apart. 

Solomon pushed past them, and rushed to his brother. “Chaos, Chaos, speak to me.”

“Brother,” Chaos’ voice cracked. “Brother I… I’m hurting. Brother what’s happening?!”

Solomon stroked his forehead, brushing the hair out of the way. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” Small tears fell down his own face. “It’s okay.”

“Brother,” Chaos said, crying orange, “is this… is this dying?”

“Yes, brother,” Solomon told him, “it will be fine.”

“Is this what I’ve been doing?” Chaos asked, continuing to degrade, “Is this what I’ve done to all of those people?”

“Yes, brother,” Solomon said again, “but it will be alright.”

“How will it be alright?” Chaos asked, his body going limp, “I’m going to be dead!”

“Do you remember before you were alive?” Solomon asked.

“No, brother,” Chaos answered.

“But do you remember being afraid of it? Did it make you feel sad? Or pained? Or angry?”

“No, brother.”

“Then it could not have been too terrible,” Solomon said, his own voice quivering. “And it will be just like that.Just like that, brother.”

“Solomon,” he said with the fear of a child, “I don’t want to die.”

“Then be your own contrarian, brother,” Solomon said, “deny yourself your pain.”

“But I can’t!”

“Then let me be here for you,” he said. He took his brother into his arms, and they were both doused in the orange ichor. “Goodbye, Chaos.”

“Goodbye,” he took a sharp breath, “Solomon. Goodbye.” His face went blank, and his body turned to orange blood. Solomon was left with a pile of shattered crystal in his hands, and tears running down his face.

“Goodbye,” Solomon said, “brother.”

There was a moment of silence, before we realized that Absinthe and Killian were still there. Solomon stood up, and turned angrily to face them. “What is it now? Do you still think you can win? What of your plans? What will become of you?”

The monster was confused. “Brother,” Absinthe said, “we need to separate.” “Agreed,” Killian’s voice said. They warped and split back into each other, and readied guardstaffs.

“We will fight,” Killian defied, “to our last bre-” CRACK! Twin bolts of lightning snapped through them, sending them to the floor. Gordon stood before us, proud and bold, his face revealed once again.

The sound of extraterrestrial ships broke the relative quiet, and they descended to collect evacuees.

“Everyone,” Solomon said through tears, “on the ship! That includes the siblings, too!” We all scrambled to our feet, and into the ship Chaos had once used, which was even smaller than our own, to everyone’s dismay. Gordon and I were the last ones in.

“Good to have you back, buddy,” I said, slapping him on the shoulder.

He gave me a look that said, “Don’t fucking push your limits, bitch,” and came into the ship with us. Solomon stuffed the shards of Chaos’ stone into his pocket, and launched the vehicle.

We soared high above the city, watching as swarms of ships flocked in to rescue the citizens of Halifax, narrowly avoiding a steel-built monster, swiping at them like flies. We vanished through the atmosphere, and watched through the viewscreen as we saw our home planet for one last time, being demolished by hulking monsters made by a dead madman. 

What was even going to come next?


	35. Xander- Who I Was Meant To Be

I was being shoved through a clinical, white hallway, on top of some platform that felt strangely disconnected to anything. People were bent over me, fretting over my condition. Wait, which condition? I remembered Solomon’s face, frowning over me. But, it wasn’t a disappointed frown. It was… afraid. He looked like he was… concerned. But that didn’t make sense, how could anyone care about me?

He said something to the others, and I saw another face I recognized. Cornelius, with a very similar look on his face. This- this must’ve been a dream. Nobody cared about me, at least not like this. My mind phased out, and I blacked out. And… I had a dream.

Music. Quiet, calming, serene. No darkness. No evil. No Chaos. Just me. Only me.

Then, I woke up. I was in a somewhat sparse bed in an equally sparse room, blankets tightly clinging to my body. My head felt like blood was rushing in and out at an incredible rate. I tried to sit up, but my chest was in too much pain to be moved. Wait, no, no, no! The wrappings had been applied again. No! This wasn’t how it was supposed to go! I forced myself up, and resisting the pain.

“Xander, you’re awake,” someone said. I collapsed back into the bed, startled, and saw Corn sitting beside my bed.

“Corn,” I said, breathing frantically, “where- what happened? Why am I-”

“It’s okay,” he said, putting his hand over mine, “it’s not binding. It’s a bandage. You’re safe.”

“Where are we?” I asked, managing to gather my thoughts.

“The Core Worlds,” he answered, smiling kindly, “I think this is the world of Acid. Solomon said they have the best doctors. You cut off your fucking tits, man, that’s not a thing you can just shrug off, dude.”

I touched at my chest again. They were gone, but the scars still stuck. The ones on my cheeks, the ones on my forehead, they were still there. I guess… I guess that was just how it was going to be, then.

Someone else stepped into the room. Solomon lightly closed the door, and strode soundlessly to my bedside. “Xander,” he said solemnly, “how are you feeling?”

“It hurts,” I answered, “when do the bandages come off?”

He chuckled slightly. “When they’re ready to. For now, I’m afraid they’re going to have to stay. For once, let yourself heal.”

I tried to get up again, but I still couldn’t stand up against gravity. “Cool it, man,” Corn said, “you’re tough, but you need to toughen up just a little more, dude.”

My thoughts lingered on his colloquialisms. “Man”. It felt good, but… still didn’t feel like it fit. “Chaos… he promised…”

“I know,” Solomon said sadly, “I’m afraid he’s not… not going to be able to keep to his word. Hm. But, I don’t think he’s strictly the last word on the subject. There are… other ways to give you what you need.”

My hand wandered to my thighs. “How so?”

“Absinthe, despite her uncooperative nature,” Solomon said, “is easily persuaded.”

“I might say threatened,” Cornelius said confidently, flashing a devilish grin and taking out his guardstaff to whittle something, “but that’s for her to decide.”

Solomon looked at him disdainfully. “Nikolas’ companionship served as a proper bribe, in one way or another. Under mine and Cornelius’ supervision, they could-”

“No,” I stopped him, “just Corn. Not you.”

“Alright, then,” he said, somewhat miffed, “but I could-”

“Shut up,” I told him.

He sighed, and rolled his eyes. “So, Xander, do you think you’re ready for it? I imagine it’s going to be a big change, but hopefully for the better.”

I looked to Corn. He nodded silently.

“I think so,” I said, “I think… I think now is the best time.”

Solomon nodded. “I will gather the others. See you then, Xander.”

  
  
  


I spent a long time asleep, after that. The process was long, and, thankfully, I only got a few brief glimpses as to what was going on, including Corn slapping a cigarette out of Nick’s hands, and twirling his guardstaff threateningly at Absinthe once or twice. 

I continued to dream of music. Something... playful. Something soft. Something that reminded me of Corn. I played my own quiet symphony as I slept, my mind running through the other Guardians that tried to stop us. 

Ian sounded very quiet to me, a cheerful but somewhat melancholy melody, that harmonized with the somewhat harsher tones played by Ajay. Alex was strong and bold, and rapid, complementing the sounds of the other girl of Shadow, who played like a guitar. The Light girl was, to me, a series of staccato notes played by a frightened violin, but each note had a punch to it. Nick was a kazoo.

Solomon was an orchestra unto himself. Ancient instruments played slow and long, singers praying a mourning tune. When I tried to think of Chaos’ sound, there was nothing. He was gone, and I realized that I loved the sound of silence.

  
  
  


When I woke up in the bed again, the bandages had been removed. My head felt… fuzzy, and my body felt… different. My shoulders had broadened, and my jaw bulked out. I twisted my neck, getting a feel for the head on my shoulders. My thighs felt... like something new was there. I smiled. I was finally who I should’ve been this whole time.

I looked to see Cornelius sleeping on the chair, some wooden sculpture in his hands. 

“Corn,” I said, speaking in my new voice, “wake up.”

He blinked, and yawned. “Hey, you’re up. How do you feel?”

I smiled. “I feel… good.”

“What, just good?” he joked, “I thought we had done a better job than just good!”

I laughed with him. “I feel fantastic.” I pushed the blankets aside, and stumbled to my feet. “I think I’ve- nope!” I fell forwards, but Corn caught me.

“It’s okay,” he said, lifting me up to stand, “you’re just a little groggy. Hey, you want to take a look?”

I nodded. “Come on,” he said, limping with me over to a mirror. I saw myself there, for the first time, truly myself. My black hair short, and cut cleanly, my face shaped the way it should have been, and… and the scars had vanished. 

“What do you think?” Corn asked.

“I think I love it.”

“Me too.”


	36. Alex- Space Magic: The Gathering

It was three weeks after we had left our Earth behind. In the meantime, Alpha had gone to work piecing together a new planet for the displaced humans to live on. Solomon told me that the death count was in the high millions, but most of Earth was okay. All of our families had made it out safe, but a lot of people didn’t, unfortunately.

Most of us had been spread about the other core worlds, depending on native languages and cultural similarities and blah blah blah something something Solomon likes exposition a little too much. A lot of humans, and some of the Guardians (including myself), had found friends amongst the alien peoples of the Core. There were a few instances of humans and Beings (which was apparently what those guys were called, go figure), but the were easily stopped.

At long last, when it came to go to our new home, dubbed Earth 784 by someone who had no creativity, we were all ready to leave after our short space vacation. The new Earth was made in the same general shape of our own, filled with the very same flora, fauna, and unique homes for every family that had survived. Most businesses managed to stay together, too. Hey, as long as I can still see Star Wars IX, I’m good.

Strangely enough, us Guardians had our own little neighborhood. I lived in the same house as Lena, just to keep her safe from herself, Ajay and Ian lived together (big shocker), Solomon took care of Jane, and the rest more or less lived with their families. Absinthe and Killian were more or less under house arrest together, but that’s… not something I want to get into. Sheesh.

Gordon was a bit of an interesting case. He just sort of hung around, like our own weird little Batman. He usually hung out over Solomon or Ajay’s houses, because why not.

Eventually, Solomon came around to our houses, and declared it was time to finally put the Council together. He brought us together into a small caravan of ships, and directed us to the white sun that blazed in the middle of the Core system.

“Uh, Solomon,” I asked over the comms, “are you sure this is the right place?”

“Of course,” he answered, “all we need to do is fly inside.”

“Sorry, uh, we’re doing _fucking what?”_ Ajay asked.

“We are flying into Alpha’s domain,” Solomon answered, “it looks like a star, but I assure you, it’s an easily entered and modified pocket dimension that occupies a variable amount of space in the universe.”

“... Yeah, okay, sure,” Ajay said, “that- that makes enough sense.”

“Let’s not die then,” I said, piloting the vessel forward. Solomon breached the white orb, and disappeared into it. Tentatively, I pushed past the membrane, and landed on a field of grass under a night sky. “What the hell…?”

I stepped out of the ship, and looked up at the sky, and saw stars and the twenty-nine moons of the Core worlds. The ships landed, and I saw before me a giant cathedral, with large stained-glass windows, depicting beautifully detailed figures of Guardians.

“Duuude,” I said, grinning up at it.

“Yeah, man,” Nick said, stepping right up to me, “that shit’s tall as fuck!” I gave him a sideways glare, but followed Solomon as he stepped into the cathedral. I pushed past the large wooden doors, and saw the inside was lined with chairs by the walls, fifteen to each side, each made uniquely and lavishly for their elemental occupant, and each filled with one of many colourful Guardians.

Colourful was an understatement, honestly. Each of them seemed to be of different ages, different sizes, and basically had only one connecting thread: that they were there. At the end of the hall, Alpha sat in a large, grandiose chair.

“My friends, welcome!” Alpha greeted us, “I am very glad to see that you are all here. Please, take your seats.” I found my seat, unsurprisingly made of cobbled-together rock pieces, but surprisingly comfortable, and found I was sat between Inpulsa on my left, and Drannis on my right. Not bad, not bad. The others found their seats as well, slotting themselves into other unoccupied spots. Of course, Ian and Ajay sat together, as did as Absinthe and Killian (ew).

“So,” Alpha said, once we had all sat down in our seats, “the issue at hand, as some of you may know, is that I have been sensing a threatening presence from beyond our realm of reality. So, I ask for your judgement, and your powers. If we wish to combat this, we must open a portal to beyond our universe. So, tell me, what do you all make of this?”

“I suggest,” said an old Guardian in smoke-grey armour, who spoke with a thick American accent, “that we send in an army. If it’s big enough to see from across the damn universe, it deserves our best men.”

“But who would we send to combat them?” a younger black woman asked, “The Guardians are few and far between, what weapons do we have?”

“Lupita is correct,” a thin, pale man in white-blue armour voiced, “what would we have to pit against an enemy this great?”

There was a moment of silence, while we pondered on this. “We could send in Guardians,” I said.

Someone scoffed at me. A man in brown armour, leaning back in his chair, looked at me with disdain. “We’re _out_ of Guardians, dipshit,” he said.

“Yes, _but_ ,” a girl in gold chimed in, “we do have a few, uh, _spares_ , if you will.”

“She is correct,” Solomon agreed, “there are a few elements with multiple Guardians. Lightning, Plasma, Soil, Ice, Acid. We can send them in to gather information, and, if it is truly of the significance Alpha perceives, then we can produce weaponry in accordance to it.”

“I agree,” someone of unidentified gender seconded, “the factories of Metal can produce decent amounts of large weapons very quickly, as I understand.”

“I concur,” another voice said.

“Me too,” a younger voice said.

“Alright, then,” Solomon said, standing up and slapping his hands together, “do we have a decision?”

“Calm down, child,” Alpha said, motioning for Solomon to sit, “we will have a vote. All in favour of sending scouts, raise your hand.”

Most of us raised our hands, all of my team included. A few combative stragglers denied the motion, but the vote passed.

“Then, I would say,” Alpha said slowly, “it is decided. Everyone, please stand up.” They heaved to their feet, and so did we. “Please,” they said, “extend your power.”

All thirty of us reached out to the center of the room, and the floor began to glow. It shimmered, and ripped apart in a strange, ethereal fashion. It wasn’t like a tear, more like it was being dissolved.

“Woah,” I said, smiling broadly at the spectacle.

“Sweet,” Nick said from across the room, “is anyone else seeing this shit, bruh?” I chuckled at him, and Alpha made another decree.

“If you are not of unique element,” they said, in a booming, commanding voice, “please step forward.”

Seemingly beyond their control, five or six Guardians, including Nick and Inpulsa, stepped away from their chairs, and around the tables, standing between the door and the portal.

“Aw, rad,” Nick said, “finally I can actually see shit like this in real life!” I could practically hear Solomon rolling his eyes.

“Now,” Alpha said, “I must bid you all adieu, for now. I wish you all the best. Unto the breach, friends! I will see you on the other side of this all!”

“Alright, boys,” Inpulsa said, “time to blast those fuckers to high hell!” She hollered something fierce, and leapt into the abyss. The others followed, issuing similar cries of either apprehension or bravery.

“Later, dudes,” were Nick’s parting words. He fell backwards into the pit, likely not of his own willingness but his clumsiness, and it rippled back together, sealing up.

Alpha sat back down in their seat, exhausted.

“Well,” they said, “I suppose that should be adequate for now. We shall gather once again in, say, a month?”

“Agreed,” Solomon answered for us, “now, everyone, back to your ships, Alpha and I have a few things to discuss.”

Apprehensively, we shuffled out of the hall, and back into our ships. Strangely, Drannis followed me to mine.

“Hey,” I said, “what’re you doing here?”

“I was just wondering,” she said, sitting down in the seat, “if you wanted to, like, do something together?”

“Uh,” I said, caught a bit off-guard, “guh, sure! Yes! I would!” Fuck. There went words.

“Cool,” she said, smiling, “maybe swing by Shadow tomorrow or somethin’? I can send you my address.”

“Uh, sweet,” I said. She came up behind me, and handed the address to me via my circumference.

“See you there.” She patted me on the shoulder, and strode from the ship. Hell yeah.


	37. Epilogue- Solomon- Lost Ends

I closed the door behind the other Guardians as the last one left the cathedral. “There,” I said, “now we are alone.”

“So, Solomon,” Alpha said from their throne, “what is it you wanted to speak with me about?”

“It’s about… my brother,” I said, taking the shards of Chaos’ Stone from my pocket, “what… what do you think we should do with his… remains?”

Alpha stood up, and walked across the elongated hallway, transforming it into his own temple as he walked. “Solomon, I would say that whatever you deem best should be the best for him. I would just like to say that I am very sorry for letting him go. All of this damage could’ve been averted if I had been just the tiniest bit… less merciful.”

I stowed the shards away again. “Master, your mercy is what makes you so great! If you had no mercy, then-”

“You need not preach my greatness to myself, child,” they said, “in honesty, I think that you are overselling me. Sometimes I wish that… that I was not as powerful as I was. There are so many mistakes that I have made, and so much suffering I leave unhealed. And yet, I do nothing. I do not know why this is. Someday, I hope, I will learn, and that someday, I will do what you have always done in my stead. You are noble, Solomon. I am proud to call you my Guardian.”

“Thank you, master,” I said, kneeling before them, “there is one last thing I want to ask of you.”

“What is that, then?” they requested.

“Xander… does not seem one to be willing, or, in his individuality, capable, to be the one to propagate the Element of Sound,” I explained, “and… without him, the universe will lose an element whose grasp on this world is already tenuous. What should we do, lord?”

“Give it to the humans,” they said, “they seem to be worthy of this. I will bestow upon them this power, and then, I will return them to their solar system. I say that they deserve to return home.”

“But, master,” I said, “their former planet is still in orbit.”

“Then I shall move it,” Alpha said, “it is no great burden upon me. And, Solomon?”

“Yes, master?”

“Please do not call me master,” they said with a chuckle, “it is too formal. Call me by my name. You know I have one, yes?”

“Yes, Alpha,” I said, “thank you for your counsel.”

“And I thank you for yours,” they reciprocated, “now, go, Jane is waiting for you.”

My eyes went wide with remembrance. “Shit! I forgot about her!” Alpha laughed, and I left out the door, and saw the exterior still in its previous shape. “Oh, good,” I said, relieved.

I entered the ship, and greeted her. “Sorry for taking so long,” I apologized, “Alpha and I were just having a short chat.”

“It’s fine,” she said quietly, “I’m just a little tired.”

“We’ll get you home soon, then,” I assured her, “I’m plotting the course now.” I waved my hand, instructing the ship, and it lifted off, through the white membrane, and made its way back to the Earth.

I sat down next to Jane, and closed my eyes to rest. Then, I felt her leaning up against me.

I looked down at her. “Jane?”

“Yes?” she murmured.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Your shoulder is soft,” she answered.

I chuckled. “Thank you, I suppose.”

“Thanks, dad,” she mumbled, cozying up against my arm.

I stroked her hair lightly. “No problem, child,” I said, smiling, “I am very happy to be your Guardian. Thank you for coming along for this ride.” I planted a gentle kiss on her forehead, and gazed out the viewscreen as the ship traveled. I had never raised a child, before, really. I suppose this was my turn to learn something new.


	38. Epilogue- Ajay- How It Shouldn't Have Ended

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will make more sense when I post book 2. Fuck it, I guess.

“I'm sorry you were here for this,” Ian said grimly, “I wish I could've done this while you were asleep. I didn't want you to have to see this.”

“Ian, no!!!” I reached out for him.

“There's a big temple out that way,” he pointed into the distance with his right arm, “I think that's where we're supposed to be.”

“Don't do this, man,” I tried.

“Goodbye, Ajay.” He spread his arms, and fell backwards into the volcano.

“IAN!!!” I screamed for him, and plunged in after. I had no idea what the hell I was doing, but I needed to try. I needed to save him. I didn't care if I fucking died, I needed to save him. Halfway through the dive, something tugged at my back, but I brushed it off. I was going full speed at that fucker, and I was gonna save him.

Except it was too late. He had already been dissolved in the acid. There was no body.

“IAN!!!” I screamed in vain. “No…” In my haste, I missed that wings had grown from my back, and I was floating over the acidic pit.

I flew around the mouth of the volcano, but there were no signs of him. No… This… This just couldn’t have happened, I was still dreaming, right? This had to be bullshit, this had to be just some crazy space magic bullshit trick, yeah? In a moment I would wake up for real, and Ian and I would be safe.

Except no. This felt too real. Even in the dreams created by Chaos, I could feel some falsehood behind it, some kind of surreality, but now, I felt none of that.

“NOOOOO!!!” I screamed, louder. I screamed louder and louder until my throat was raw. I couldn’t believe this. It couldn’t have happened. No… no… no…

I flew back up to the precipice, and sat down, head in my hands, and cried. Even if we won the fight against him, we had lost. I couldn’t go on without him. I screamed out into the sky again, sending a flaming shockwave across the landscape. “No…” I looked up, and saw the watery trees had evaporated, and saw the temple he had mentioned in the distance.

On my new wings, I flew towards it, beating my wings with furious anger. A swarm of Halfguard lay dead on the ground, and I landed before the door of the temple. I pushed the titanic doors apart, and saw Dark Omega there, laughing and lording over a pile of my defeated friends. Most were dead, I figured, but I pushed past them.

“DARK OMEGA!” I shouted, tearing the Stone from my own head in anger, and throwing it to his feet. I fell to my knees. “You win,” I conceded.

He laughed deeply, and scraped the Stone up. “Very good, child. You have made the right decision.”

“I have nothing to live for,” I admitted, “just kill me now.”

He chuckled. “No, young one. I have greater plans for you.”

“Then what are they?”

He laughed again, taking in the Stone, and growing in size. “I will show you.” He roared to the ceiling, cracking it apart, and stared down at me hungrily. Tendrils of shadow wrapped around me, filling me with unnatural power. I felt the power concentrate, and culminate in my skull. New armour formed around me, and I felt a new purpose instilled in me.

“Rise,” Dark Omega bade, “Knight Magmortarus, servant to the darkness, and witness my oblivion.”

I turned, and saw in the distance, the planet I had once called my home, being flung from orbit, and propelled into the sun. I watched as it slowly flew into the burning star, and was destroyed by the heat and gravity. They were all dead. I didn’t win, but I had joined the winning side. 

This was my new destiny. I was a harbinger of suffering, a bringer of death. I was the shadow I had once fought to destroy. And it felt right. And it felt good.


End file.
